Tweet forgiveness

HE may be a relative novice on Twitter, but that was one of hell of a splash Australian Christian Lobby managing director Jim Wallace made on Anzac Day.

HE may be a relative novice on Twitter, but that was one of hell of a splash Australian Christian Lobby managing director Jim Wallace made on Anzac Day.

Lest you forget, Wallace tweeted (and later deleted): "Just remember that as we remember servicemen and women today we remember the Australia they fought for -- wasn't gay marriage and Islamic!" It's not out of the question same-sex unions and the Koran weren't the hottest topics of conversation in, say, the dust of Tobruk. Nevertheless, we kept a careful eye on Wallace's Twitter account, hoping for a super tweet that would combine some of Wallace's recent areas of interest, perhaps one suggesting gay marriage-supporting Muslims can't open jam jars, but alas, Big Jim's Twitter stream was almost as silent as an angel's fart. Mercifully, not the man himself when he went on the Seven Network's Sunrise, where he reached into that most hallowed tradition in the realm of self-defence and declared, "I have a lot of friends and associates [who] are gays." Oh, and Wallace emphasised that "normal Islamic people" are OK. All we had to do was read him in the right context, he said. Bloody Twitter, then; it'll be the ruin of us all.

Tickering old boxes

NOW that Great Big New Tax is off having a rest like a bear with a belly full of berries in the back of a cave, it's possible the federal opposition may be reaching back a little further in time to the Kim Beazley-bashing days. See if you can spot it in this bit from opposition immigration spokesman Scott Morrison on Christmas Island yesterday: "Well, Labor doesn't have a legal problem here, they have a ticker problem." For good measure, the Moz added Immigration Minister Chris Bowen has "got a ticker problem, not a legal problem".

Silver lining

ONE of the smaller but nonetheless happy side effects of the forthcoming royal wedding is that it has, temporarily at least, spared the world the spectacle of Richard Branson in a frock. As the result of a lost bet, Branson was due to frock up as an Air Asia air steward (complete with freshly shaved legs) and serve passengers on a flight from London to Kuala Lumpur. Alas, the planned May 1 flight has been bumped back to July 4, "to help address the growing difficulty of obtaining accommodation in and flights into London brought about by the increase in the number of people visiting London over the long bank holiday weekend and royal wedding". While there are some question marks over whether the Anzacs fought for a world that encouraged bearded billionaire cross-dressers, it's for charity, so perhaps we'll let it pass.

Poll paranoia

SPEAKING of matters royal, and also as part of Strewth's quest to help maintain dialogue between the Australian Republican Movement and Australians for a Constitutional Monarchy (where have all the absolute monarchists gone?), we present ACM convener David Flint's suggestion to the ARM to emulate Napoleon Bonaparte and ignore Newspoll results suggesting support for a republic has dropped: "A plebiscite was held in Switzerland in 1802 to approve a constitution drafted by the French, who happened to be occupying the country. Although the no vote exceeded the yes vote substantially, Napoleon decided the yes case had won. This was done by treating all abstentions as affirmative votes. Just like the ARM's approach. Not unsurprisingly, plebiscites were used regularly in revolutionary France." Don't say Flint never gives you anything. Perhaps, though, we shouldn't pay attention to any polls; as one Strewth correspondent informed us yesterday, it's all controlled: "A very large number of people in the media are ASIO stooges. Probably yourself included. I was elected to parliament a number of times but never made it due to these rigged ballots."

Music cure

IN the northern rivers region of NSW, reader Katie Clarke was surprised by the local medical centre's rather Zen choice of hold music when she rang yesterday: the Beatles' Let It Be. "Did I really need to see a doctor?" asks Clarke. Well, we hope not.

Stand-up girl

STAND-UP comedy in a nutshell, courtesy of Corinne Grant on the ABC's The Drum yesterday; and fear not, for as rugged as it sounds, there is possibly light at the end of the tunnel, what we may refer to as the sing-in-the-tail clause: "It is not for those of the faint heart, the fragile ego or the false sense of identity. It is not for those whose mates told them 'I reckon you're funny at parties' . . . It is not for those who believe that being a stand-up comedian will lead directly to a room full of people adoring them unconditionally. It is not for the slow-witted, but it is for those who are willing to pretend they are slow-witted. You must be brave, you must be committed, you must be willing to push boundaries, raise more questions than give answers and occasionally offend. Man or woman, if you are incapable of the above, then you are probably not capable of being a stand-up. Unless you can fart in tune." We'd like to think the Anzacs would have been OK with this.