Troubled Turkeys

BOXING Day greetings to you all from the Strewth embassy in northern NSW's Coffs Harbour, where we sit. possibly appositely, within spitting distance of the Big Banana.

BOXING Day greetings to you all from the Strewth embassy in northern NSW's Coffs Harbour, where we sit. possibly appositely, within spitting distance of the Big Banana.

Your correspondent is being treated to all sorts of David Attenborough-esque entertainment, not least the vision of local carpet pythons, some as thick as forearms, doing their best to lay waste to the scrub turkeys that patrol the garden with an understandable air of apprehension. Given the amount of turkey we polished off, it seems a touch hypocritical to rebuke the serpents.

Twitter twins

STREWTH has been keeping an eye on the Yuletide tweets from our pollies and we've made one small but surprising discovery: on the Christmas Twitter front, Kevin Rudd sounds more like Family First leader Steve Fielding than anyone else. First Kev: "Now to do some Christmas shopping. I think it's constitutional that blokes leave it 'til Christmas eve. I'm hopeless at shopping." Fielding: "bit tired 2day after doing the 24 shop last night at Chaddy". We're not sure what that means, but we won't begrudge the man his rest. In the meantime, South Australian Premier Mike Rann found his Twitter twin in Tony Abbott. First Abbott: "Wishing everyone a happy family Christmas and that as well as counting our blessings, we will reach out to those who are less fortunate." Festive, yet with just enough of a downbeat touch to keep us attached to reality. As for Rann: "Xmas Day can be lonely for someone recently widowed or who lives alone, with family far away. So please phone or visit someone lonely today." Someone's estranged husband, perhaps? Liberal backbencher Alex Hawke was in a category of his own: "Xmas Eve street party in Rouse Hill, boys in our street told the girls werewolves come out on Xmas eve & they cried, girls are so silly!" Quite.

Christmas-bound

FOR the perfect seasonal news report, it was hard to go past the government's announcement cruise ships had started visiting Christmas Island (though it was nice to see the Mary angle covered with the news of Virgin flights to Christmas). As the first cruise ship docked, Home Affairs Minister Brendan O'Connor declared: "This is an exciting day . . . and shows the benefits of government and industry working together to develop new tourism and economic opportunities." Subtext: "Hopefully this will take everyone's minds off the image of the place as a dumping ground for the other sort of boatpeople." Not one to shy from multi-tasking, O'Connor also praised border protection officers.

Beyond all help

WE'RE trying to figure out whether our Christmas e-card from Tiger Airways is having a crack at a certain golfer. Along with the usual warm, corporate sentiments, it features what looks like a red box with a tiger's tail poking out of it at a rather jaunty angle just outside a hotel room door. Hmm. There is no question Disneyland was having a joke at Tiger Woods's expense when it worked some gags into its Aladdin routine, with the genie (the one voiced by Robin Williams in the cartoon) telling the audience it had to remind Woods 15 times that it's beyond his genie powers to make someone fall in love with him. It's looking pretty grim when even the happiest kingdom of them all is kicking you.

Wrong again

BEING the occasional issuer of corrections, Strewth is a fan of the website Regret the Error, which has compiled a list of its favourite corrections during 2009. One that particularly tickled our fancy is a relatively innocuous one from Los Angeles Times: "Bear sighting: An item in the National Briefing in Sunday's Section A said a bear wandered into a grocery store in Hayward, Wis., on Friday and headed for the beer cooler. It was Thursday." And we're proud, in a parochial way, that the most eloquent one in the collection came from this wide brown land, specifically the pages of The West Australian: "Green gaffe: There's little doubt eco-warriors love a good chat as much as a tree hug, but our digitally dyslexic reporter's creation of a new organisation was a revelation for verbose. It is more apt, of course, to discuss recycling with the Conservation Council than with the loquacious Conversation Council."

Use your judgment

STREWTH's main legal adviser has been picking through his files and come across this contribution from NSW Court of Appeal judge Peter Young, in his capacity as editor of The Australian Law Journal. Young was going through the favoured saying of advocates and came to "I hear what your honour says". Wrote Young: "We have commented upon this unfortunate phrase in previous issues. Most judges interpret it as: `Your honour is talking rubbish and I am going to ignore it.' I myself interpret it as: `I really do not understand, and I am not going to display my ignorance.' " Strewth readers may have some alternative interpretations.