Those in the no

PERHAPS we could blame the recent sortie by Alexander Downer into the election campaign for the increasing density of the Coalition gaffe-mosphere.

PERHAPS we could blame the recent sortie by Alexander Downer into the election campaign for the increasing density of the Coalition gaffe-mosphere.

Just days after the former foreign minister's formidable presence lumbered through the news cycle like a rogue moon, its gravitational field causing everything from king tides to outbreaks of madness, Tony Abbott's four-pronged gaffe yesterday eclipsed all the campaign's previous stumbles. Or that's how it seemed in Brisbane as the Iron Monk addressed Julia Gillard's newfound enthusiasm for another debate: "She said no repeatedly, and when she said no, I thought she meant no." Er, pardon? Even our colleague (and Despatch Box proprietor) Samantha Maiden, who takes a lot in her stride, was agog the Monk should fret so much this gag (and we use the word advisedly) might miss its mark that he wielded it four times. All that was lacking was a Greek chorus comprising Bill Heffernan, Joe Hockey and Downer trumpeting "Deliberately barren!", "Paris Hilton!" and "Things that batter!" Perhaps Abbott is simply being misconstrued and the cigar, in this case, is just a cigar. Perhaps we should just take Sharman Stone's assurance that it had nothing at all to do with gender. Perhaps we should ponder the likelihood that Abbott later listened to his own words and, clutching his head like he does on the cover of Battlelines, said "Oh . . ." Or we could just follow Abbott's lead and blame Labor. And be grateful the campaign is shedding its air of torpor.

Snakebite!

THE decision by Real Julia (now with reduced Moving Forwards!) and her crew to set foot on the campaign media bus yesterday produced powerful images, such as Real Julia chowing down on human food substances (well, jelly snakes) in a most realistic fashion, proving that Real Julia does at least have a digestive tract. We look forward to the emergence of Surreal Julia. But the bus image that hurt most was John Faulkner being taught how to use Twitter. We could be over-extrapolating (occupational hazard in this corner), but his facial expression seems to say, "I thought I quit in time to dodge this sort of crap." Meanwhile, while enjoying Lindsay Tanner's couldn't-give-a-rat's approach to insinuations he may have been the leaker, we're developing a giddy sense of anticipation about what he might have to say when he attends a Swinburne University event next week to give a speech entitled, Leadership and Public Interest: A Personal Reflection.

Full and frank

GOT something big to say about the election? If you're in Brisbane, you're in luck, as Goa Billboards has, for reasons best known to someone other than Strewth, erected a digital billboard in Bowen Hills. Visit www.goa.com.au and leave your message, and then someone will get back to you to let you know if it's going to run. As Goa creative director Josh Feros has declared, "We want people to be frank about their feelings regarding the forthcoming election." We asked the company how frank was frank, and were duly informed, "The idea is also for people to have a bit of fun with it."

Moving backwards

APART from using in its title a phrase apparently discouraged in the Real Era, Home Affairs Minister Brendan O'Connor's press release "Moving forward with eight new patrol boats to protect borders" details the planned replacement of the Bay class vessels with new Cape class vessels. Had O'Connor read his last statement on the issue, in which he said tenders would be called on June 30 and briefings held in mid-July, he might not have used "moving forward" to describe a one-month delay in the procurement process. But then again . . .

Strange daze indeed

AFTER all, stranger things are happening. Just take yesterday. Aunty boss Mark Scott spruiked electrical goods from the ABC Shop (what will Gerry Harvey say?) The Coalition won support in Jamaica, where a punter handed over $112 (at $2.86) to Betfair in the hope of an Abbott victory. We saw photos of some election posters for Labor's candidate for Mitchell, Nigel Gould, and they're awfully verdant considering Gould undoubtedly has no plans whatsoever to accidentally capture some Green votes. And it was Kyle Sandilands, of all people, who asked Gillard the big Stephen Conroy question so many web users wanted to hear asked: "Who's this clown that's trying to censor the internet?"

Load of old firewood

STREWTH has been taken to task by a reader for running that photo of Christine Milne's election poster next to a truck comprehensively stuffed with firewood: "Viewers of Insiders know that the photo appeared two days ago on the program. Now who's comprehensively stuffed? Come on, credit where it is due." Well, we can't credit anyone on Insiders for taking the snap we published, but we may as well make our confession now: we didn't watch Insiders on Sunday. There. We've said it. And no, we're not proud. Can you forgive us? Just don't tell Barrie Cassidy.

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