Thorpedoed

OF course we were excited by Ian Thorpe's confirmation he's returning to the pool, but not as excited as we were by the performance of the man who introduced him.

With Thorpie seated before a backdrop plastered with more Virgins than a certain vision of paradise, Virgin Blue chief executive John Borghetti described Thorpe as "the man who will win many gold medals for Qantas . . . um . . . Australia". Borghetti used to be Qantas general manager so it may just be a case of old habits dying hard (if at all), but surely this act of corporate goodwill for his former employer is worthy of some sort of official recognition. We put this thought to Qantas, but received only a dignified "no comment". We do, however, gather that Borghetti's slip brought great cheer to Qantas HQ, so that's nice. Qantas, meanwhile, made a sporting announcement of its own, naming Formula One champion Mark Webber as a Qantas ambassador. Qantas chief executive Alan Joyce was there but, with a regrettable lack of symmetry, neglected to mention Virgin Blue. Meanwhile, Thorpie's presser went on at such generous length, we began to wonder when he'd announce which party he'd chosen to form government.

Northern elan

WHILE the brouhaha continues to brew (without much haha) over Greens senator Christine Milne's Yasi-means-climate-change equation, we checked the papers on the front line. Here's Sian Jefferies, editor of The Tablelander, yesterday: "If a goliath tropical storm does hit our coast and wreak havoc on our homes, being prepared might just save your life. On the other hand, if Yasi turns out to be the flop of the century, well, your back yard will be in order and you'll be more than prepared should one of Yasi's siblings decide to visit town before the storm season comes to a close." And here's The Innisfail Advocate and its important fishing section, Where are They Biting?: "Janet Lobegeiger from the King Reef Hotel, Motel and Caravan Park said it had been pretty quiet. She said a 9.1kg large mouth nannygai was caught at King Reef, using good fresh pilly for bait. 'They have been catching good trout out on King Reef as well,' she said. Ms Lobegeiger said all eyes were now on Cyclone Yasi. 'I think we're all going to stand up with a net and catch all the fish,' she laughed." That's the spirit.

Matilda waltzes in

SOUTH Australian senator Simon Birmingham and his wife Courtney Morcombe have had a busy couple of months. In December their house was flooded; as Birmingham commented laconically to Strewth at the time, "I did feel somewhat like Chicken Little when the sky - in this case, ceiling - started falling down around me. I never did finish reading the newspapers, which were last seen under a pile of soggy wood, insulation and wiring." This week they've become parents, welcoming Matilda Esma Birmingham - all 3.02kg of her - into the world. "Matilda will get to meet a few tradesmen early in her life but her room is all just fine and was untouched by storm events," Birmingham tells Strewth. "Naturally, our thoughts are also with the many in Queensland about to join the plenty of others already not so untouched."

Unreal estate

WHEN The Australian Financial Review showcased in its executive property section a Brisbane riverside mansion just as the entire street it stood in was being submerged, it seemed to bring a welcome on-with-the-show mentality into play. And advertisers are picking up on it, judging by this effort in the Fin from Jones Lang Lasalle and Curtain Property Group, complete with a sparkling vision of the Brisbane River: "The most elevated development site in Fortitude Valley, Brisbane." Life, as they say, must go on. Hopefully we'll soon see some extra breeze-resistant properties in far north Queensland.

Watching brief

ONE condition of the independents' deal with the federal government was the establishment of a parliamentary budget office. The inquiry into said office kicked off on Tuesday, albeit without the physical presence of any independents. Rob Oakeshott listened in by phone (dialling in about an hour late), but asked no questions. Tony Windsor, Andrew Wilkie and Bob Katter aren't official members of the committee but, given the option to attend, apparently passed. That said, Katter may have been a tad preoccupied in his Queensland electorate with matters monumentally meteorological.

Vlad all over

IF you don't read GQ, you're missing out on some big stuff. By which we mean Naomi Campbell interviewing Vladimir Putin, so help us God. It begins thus:

Campbell: "You're in pretty good physical shape. How do you manage to keep yourself so fit?"

Putin: "Probably the same way you do."

Campbell: "Actually, I don't work out as much as I should, but I do believe that it's a healthy mind as well as a healthy body that keeps me fit, sound and calm."

Putin: "Exactly. You just answered your own question."

We'd go on, but we're in far too humane a frame of mind.

James Jeffrey