This is no joke

TONY Abbott's rise to the opposition leadership appears to have rattled the Rudd government.

TONY Abbott's rise to the opposition leadership appears to have rattled the Rudd government.

Ministers are attacking Abbott at every opportunity and press gallery journalists are getting daily shit-sheets as the government tries to spin against the coverage Abbott is receiving. In the latest effort to bag him, Minister for Ageing Justine Elliot went apoplectic over Abbott's response yesterday to a question about his appointment of Bronwyn Bishop to shadow cabinet and the notorious kerosene-bath affair that occurred on her watch. "But can I say this about that? I mean, Bronwyn stopped it; Bronwyn didn't fill the bath, Bronwyn stopped the bath being filled." Elliot said Abbott should apologise: "Making light of a horrific incident such as the use of kerosene baths in aged care homes is despicable . . . Mr Abbott must apologise for this grossly insensitive remark immediately. He should be ashamed for his tasteless joke made at the expense of people who suffered from this appalling practice." Strewth has read Abbott's comments over and over. We've turned to colleagues for help. None of us can see the so-called tasteless joke, but we can see signs of desperation.

Fed up with it all

AS a sucker for pointless stunts, Strewth was slightly tempted to join Climate Justice Fast, a group that has been camping outside Parliament House in Canberra in the vain belief its presence will somehow influence the Copenhagen conference. This mob is calling "for all people across the world to join a single global day of fasting", a call that is unlikely to gain much traction in, say, Ethiopia or Sudan's Darfur region. But then we thought better of being part of a fast that would do nothing for anyone, despite the strength of media co-ordinator Melanie Sharp's argument that well known faster Mohandas Gandhi had broken the British Empire's grip on India by, among other things, going without tucker. Driving past the campsite on Sunday evening, we noticed that it was empty. Perhaps the demonstrators had gone home for mum's Sunday roast.

In top company

EVERYONE loves lists: the 10 best books, the 10 best movies, the 10 best batsmen, and so on. But what about the 25 most influential gay and lesbian Australians? This is rolled-gold silly-season stuff, but gay website SameSame thinks it showcases diversity of influence, and it does. There are no prizes to guessing Olympic diver Matthew Mitcham is on the list. Others include doctor Kerryn Phelps (who is occasionally touted as a good candidate to stand against straight Malcolm Turnbull), and MTV's Ruby Rose. A posthumous award goes to Dorothy Porter, and the first transgender female on the list, Stefanie Imbruglia, gets a well-earned guernsey. Strewth can't quite see how these fine people are influential, so we're pleased to see Australian Greens leader Bob Brown and former High Court judge Michael Kirby scraping into the list along with drag queen Vanessa Wagner.

Disgrace to the uniform

SOME poor sap in the British army's supplies department is going to cop it - or perhaps earn the applause of his comrades - for kitting out British Prime Minister Gordon Brown in a helmet that was too small for his head and a flak jacket that was several centimetres short of a good fit. On a quick visit to Afghanistan the other day, Brown did indeed appear uncomfortable in his army issue clobber. An alternative theory to the traditional snafu (situation normal all fouled up) is that the army is furious over cost cutting that leaves troops badly equipped and poorly protected and found a way of making their point to Brown.

Better Cate than never

CATE Blanchett's bad luck with the role of Blanche DuBois in A Streetcar Named Desire continues in New York. Blanchett fans will recall how she was hit on the head by a badly aimed prop during a production in September and had to withdraw. In New York on Monday night she was late for the show. Ice and rain delayed her appearance but most patrons stuck it out, determined to witness Blanchett's marvellous performance. After Blanche had completed her descent into madness, she dropped the southern drawl for her native accent: "Thank you all for hanging around. The weather conspired against us. There's black ice out there. Be careful getting home." The audience swooned.

Screams in the night

NEIGHBOURS of Caroline and Steve Cartwright near Newcastle in northern England complained about the volume of their conjugal relations, which were described as "unnatural" and as if "they are both in considerable pain". Even the postman complained.The Cartwrights admitted to breaching an anti-social behaviour order. Caroline pleaded guilty to a noise abatement notice that had banned her and Steve from "shouting, screaming or vocalisation at such a level as to be a statutory nuisance". A neighbour said: "I cannot describe the noise. Totally excessive and I have never, ever heard anything like it. I put my television in my bedroom on as loud as it could go and they drown it out." Caroline, 48, will be sentenced next month.