The other bogan

THE smile, when first sighted in the House of Representatives, was as vast and luminous as the mothership from Close Encounters.

THE smile, when first sighted in the House of Representatives, was as vast and luminous as the mothership from Close Encounters.

As it came to hover over the dispatch box, many scratched their heads at how an innocuous question from Julie Bishop could have brought such a vision into being. All she'd asked was, "When does the Foreign Minister intend to return to Bougainville?" Nothing odd there, just the opposition foreign affairs spokeswoman demonstrating a commendable interest in the region. And then, like a Cheshire Cat in reverse, the smile came to a standstill and behind it materialised the form of Kevin Rudd. (There was a bit of a yin-and-yang effect thanks to Wayne Swan, who'd carefully arranged his face into the visual equivalent of a dirge). Rudd, of course, was only too happy to talk about Bougainville and spoke from the heart about instability while warning against external intervention. Then the homophonic penny dropped: Rudd's nickname for the Lodge, under the present arrangement, is Boganville. We have no idea why, but at moments like these we keep picturing that scene from Dr Strangelove as Slim Pickens cheerfully rides the nuke.

They don't like ALP

CURIOUSLY, it was shortly after today's question time antics that we received an email from a group calling itself Replacing the ALP. It doesn't want to form a party of its own, just highlight its sense of hurt about Labor. If we were to do a word cloud, "dysfunctional", "narrow" and "disenfranchised" would feature with cruel prominence.

And the hats have it

AFTER the Ruddulation, Wayne Swan never really found his zest yesterday, dispatching a question from Liberal Dan Tehan with a "No" that was as terse as it was concise (not to mention pleasingly reminiscent of Silent Movie's sole bit of dialogue, as delivered by Marcel Marceau). To compensate, the occupants of crossbench corner threw the switch to vaudeville. As Bob Katter took to his feet, there was a flurry of movement around him as fellow independents Tony Windsor, Andrew Wilkie, Rob Oakeshott and Tony Crook popped Katter-esque white cowboy hats on their bonces. (Perhaps Strewth wasn't the only one with Slim Pickens on the mind.) All that was missing was the proprietors of Bob's Country Bunker declaring, "We have both kinds of music: country and western!" Well that and one of the independents yelling "This is the sort of question time reform we had in mind!" Katter spoke for his colleagues: "They may advance their cause by association."

Fielding says bye

AS he bid the Senate farewell yesterday, Steve Fielding cheerfully related Don Chipp's first reaction to him: "You're not some sort of nutter, are you?" He also waxed nostalgic about "stripping naked to the waist" at a pensioners' rally. "It was not a pretty sight," he conceded, triggering a ripple of murmured hear, hears. An era ends.

Emmo's best wishes

AT the risk of wearing out Craig Emerson's name, we must run one last yard in our Emmo-thon:

2CC host Mark Parton: "I know you've just come out of a cabinet meeting. We're friends: is there anything you can share with us that is, you know, potentially going to burst out on to the news cycle in the next couple of hours? Just between you and me."

Emerson: "Well, a rather gorgeous display of flowers in the anteroom to the cabinet room."

Parton: "Wasn't exactly what I meant."

Emerson: "And a sensational cup of coffee so, you know, we've started the day well. Flowers and coffee and goodwill all round. And I send my best wishes and love to Tony Abbott."

What has Emmo been putting in his morning cuppa? And if this is a case of Emmo signalling his desire to defect to the Liberal Party, is Ming's church broad enough to accept him without busting a poofle valve? Abbott's office is thrilled and hinted to Strewth that a copy of Battlelines may be on its way to Emmo. Something to look forward to.

Listen son, aim high

AS Angus Stone collected his songwriter-of-the-year gong at Tuesday night's Australasian Performing Right Association awards, he reminisced about life before success: "I told my old man I'd either grow weed for a living or make music, and he said, don't be a bloody idiot, you can do both." (Apropos of very little, if his father made his own smokes, we could say papa was a rolling stone. Could, but probably shouldn't.)

Paws for thought

OUR colleague Michael Owen is the latest Adelaide denizen to be likened to the sort of canine that might be found riding in Paris Hilton's handbag. Cue Channel Ten News' Mark Aiston in his guise as fill-in host on Adelaide's 5AA on Tuesday: "Look love him or hate him, Michael Owen, he's like a little yap dog . . . he's one of the key political reporters in Australia . . . he does keep both the government and the opposition very honest." We understand that Owen is taking a glass arf full view.