The DVD method

KEVIN Rudd knows a thing or two about knife jobs.

KEVIN Rudd knows a thing or two about knife jobs, but at least he knew what was coming when he went under the knife yesterday for an aortic valve replacement.

He now faces eight weeks of rest and recovery until he's back at work. His wife Therese Rein emerged from Brisbane's St Andrews hospital yesterday to give the good oil about the operation, and added that she and Kevin appreciated all the suggestions about which DVDs the two could watch during the convalescence phase, although she offered suggestions for the suggesters. "May I request to anyone who is sending those through to include some chick flicks, so that I can watch them as well, OK?" she said. She was possibly remembering what happened the last time Kevin was recovering from this procedure, back in 1993: 10 months after the operation, their son, Marcus, was born. Maybe the chick flicks are a good idea.

A metaphor too far

NOT since the days when Joh Bjelke-Petersen would put all his eggs in the one too-hard basket has there been as tortured a mix of metaphors as those employed by Liberal frontbencher Christopher Pyne yesterday. Commentating on the woes of the outgoing South Australian Premier Mike Rann, he said: "There's an old saying in the mafia that if you go out to assassinate someone, you don't want to wound them. Jack Snelling and Jay Weatherill have managed to wound the Premier but not assassinate him. We now have the situation where, like the knight in that Monty Python's Holy Grail, Mike Rann has lost two limbs and an arm and he's still hanging on and Weatherill doesn't have the strength or the capacity to finish off the job." Too many cooks and not enough indians spoil the golden egg, Christopher.

If you have to go . . .

A SHORT glance through Trains Unlimited by Tim Fischer confirms that the former deputy prime minister didn't use a ghost writer in authoring the book about the future of rail (launched yesterday by ABC Books) , as it's largely written in Fischer's idiosyncratic speaking style. At one stage Fischer reaches back to his political days when he could go overseas on study tours. One involved a trip on France's TGV in the drivers' cabin, where he embarked after "a very good lunch with plenty to drink". "On my trip to Lyon, not wishing to miss anything and not really thinking I should ask whether there was a loo near the driver's cabin (in fact there is) I was forced to hold on until the end of the ride . . . When travelling, clearly, it is wise to go often and whenever opportunity presents, even on the very fast trains of the world." Prudent advice even for the seasoned traveller, Tim.

Mixing up b's and t's

QUICK off the mark yesterday to point out that the Australian Financial Review got its billions and trillions mixed up on its front page was Nationals senator Barnaby Joyce, still smarting from, as he puts it, "having my b solidly kicked by the fourth estate after a National Press Club event" in which "I remember getting my b's and t's confused". "I must admit when I see the same mistake on the front page of the Financial Review, I do have the expectation that News of the World like, the paper should be removed immediately as a literary abomination."

As the Fin's fierce competitor, we can only applaud Barnaby's wisdom and judgment.

Just finish your set

THE events in Oslo a little over a week ago were hardly a laughing matter, but what has been hilarious has been the performance of New Zealand man Cameron Leslie who was on the spot in Oslo and, in an interview with New Zealand television, talked more about his gym routine than the events around him. The highlight was when he said "naturally I finished my set" after boasting of being halfway through "my eighth repetition of a 165kg benchpress" when there was an explosion outside the government offices close by.

The YouTube broadcast of the interview has had over 100,000 hits worldwide. His comment is now the basis for a beer billboard campaign in New Zealandand an enterprising T-shirt manufacturer has been quick off the mark with a "naturally I finished my set" T-shirt. All this has enraged the muscular Kiwi back in Norway, who wrote on his Facebook page: "The fact you are trying to ridicule me for your own commercial gain makes me sick and proves to everyone on here what a low-lying scumbag you are". Just finish your set, Cameron.

Medals on the block

SAD news from Noosa. Swimming star of the 1960s John Konrads has put the 16 Olympic and Commonwealth Games medals he won over the years up for auction because of financial difficulties. The medals were stolen in 1985, but were returned after an American

sports enthusiast spotted them on eBay. Now Konrads, who has suffered from depression for some years, has struck financial difficulties. "Basically I'd like to have more money in my superannuation fund so I can live the rest of my life with some comfort," he said.