Swan dive

WAYNE Swan may have been a man of granite during last week's putsch (the Jules d'etat?), but after what we learned yesterday during Neil Mitchell's interview with Julia Gillard on 3AW, we felt a real twinge for the man:

WAYNE Swan may have been a man of granite during last week's putsch (the Jules d'etat?), but after what we learned yesterday during Neil Mitchell's interview with Julia Gillard on 3AW, we felt a real twinge for the man:

Mitchell: "It's reported today that Wayne Swan's a bit grumpy because he feels he's been made to look a bit silly. Is that right?"

Gillard: "Well, that's completely ridiculous, Neil. Wayne Swan has been sleeves rolled up in a windowless room for a couple of days. You know, flew straight back in from the G20. One moment he's shaking hands with President [Barack] Obama. The next he's here in Canberra working very, very hard with minister Martin Ferguson alongside him to get this breakthrough that we were able to announce this morning." Trapped in a room with Mar'n, starved of air, sunlight and syllables; it's amazing he hasn't gone postal.

By the way, it's big

THE government may have announced a deal with the big miners (who suddenly went very quiet, apart from Xstrata), but it was business as usual with Tony Abbott, who hammered away at the "great big new tax" during his press conference in Sydney. It was, for the most part, a sombre affair, spiced with awkward questions - to wit, "So, how do you explain the recent rise in the stock market this morning, in the All Ords?" - but what the Iron Monk sometimes lacked in the way of direct answers he more than made up for with a lot of great big new tax. So much so that Strewth was moved to confirm he was sticking with GBNT, despite the promise shown this week by the punchier Big Bad Tax. Abbott answered: "Look, if you'd like to call it the great big new tax, I'm pleased. If you'd like to call it a big bad tax, I'm happy. The fact of the matter is it is a great big new tax and it is a big bad tax. It was a big bad tax yesterday. It is a big bad tax today." Ask and you shall receive. And receive. And receive.

Man in black

ABBOTT was ably assisted by Joe Hockey, who dutifully turned up in a funereal black suit which, coupled with his imposing physique and stern face, created an aura that was part bouncer, part pallbearer. We found ourself pining for a spot of the sparkle-eyed Hockey, a touch of the old, ahem, Joe de Vivre. Mercifully, we were allowed a glimpse of it when he got stuck into Wayne Swan as "the most incompetent Treasurer Australia has ever had", a sentiment that may come as a relief to the ghost of Jim Cairns, or indeed the Fraser government incarnation of John Howard.

Savvy muvver

AMID what has been termed a pissing contest among journalists about who broke what story first, we should pay careful attention to Joffa (or Jeff Corfe, as his driver's licence more probably has it). In addition to being a celebrity bogan in the Collingwood cheer squad and the subject of an upcoming film, Joffa is a regular commenter on our colleague George Megalogenis's blog, Meganomics. Joffa has, weeks in advance, made correct calls on the replacement of Kevin Rudd with Julia Gillard, and the ripping up of the resources super profit tax, Version 1.0. Joffa is rightly reluctant to park his light under a bushel: "How 'bout some accolades you muvvers. 2 outta 2 I call . . . Now for number 3. St Ken Henry resigns/forced out to return to academia in NZ. Ken says, 'I am not too old to play for the Blacks & I luv sheep (no racism intended).' "

Hunt the minister

QUEENSLAND'S Public Works Minister, Robert Schwarten, broke his three-day silence about the Health Department's bungled payroll system yesterday, but only after his colleague, Education Minister Geoff Wilson, was grilled by a Seven Network reporter about when he'd last seen the elusive Schwarto.

W: "I would normally not see any of my colleagues except in parliament or in cabinet."

C: "He was fit and well?"

W: "I hope so. He might not have known it but I was getting the flu so I don't know what his condition might be."

C: "But he was fit and well when you saw him on Monday?"

W: "I don't know what his health condition was at that time."

C: "Was he breathing? Did he contribute to the cabinet discussion at all?"

W: "Robert Schwarten was physically able to attend cabinet on Monday and did so."

Back again

FURTHER to yesterday's item about Queensland Police Union adviser Ross Musgrove becoming the new chief of staff to opposition leader John-Paul Langbroek, his interim replacement has also raised eyebrows. The union has asked that all media inquiries be directed to Simon Tutt. This couldn't possibly be the same Simon Tutt who was investigated by the Crime and Misconduct Commission over allegations that while working for then police and sport minister Judy Spence, he instructed public servants to process a Queensland Rugby Union grant application based on misleading information, and induced the organisation to divert $200,000 of a $4.2 million grant to the University of Queensland Rugby Academy with which he was associated? Oh, apparently it could. We sit corrected. Still, we're sure he'll be invaluable; you couldn't buy experience like that.

[Au contraire - Ed.]