Strewth: the Monday after

There was a certain afterglow for one side in Canberra yesterday.

Opposition Leader Bill Shorten is taking nothing for granted. Apparently. Picture: AAP

There was a certain afterglow for one side in Canberra yesterday.

Journo: “Is it hard to wipe the smile off your face this morning, Mr Shorten?”

Bill Shorten: “It’s Monday, we’re back in parliament.”

Well, yes, good to start with incontestable facts even if it does come across a bit like a non sequitur. Shorten took care to give credit where it was due: “I congratulate (Victorian Premier) Dan Andrews and his team. Saturday’s result is very much to their credit as a result of their hard work …”

But it wasn’t enough to deflect assembled hacks from their quest.

Journo: “You must be pretty confident you’ll get the keys to the Lodge when the election is finally held?”

Shorten: “No, I take nothing for granted, nor does Labor.”

Sure, Bill! (Taps side of nose.)

Cocky corner revisited

Come question time, Scott Morrison also was invited to ponder the Victorian election. Like Napoleon gazing past the ruins of the Grande Armee towards Russia, he glared at Labor and got going: “Well, they are very cocky over there today. They are very cocky. Very, very cocky.” (Parliament hasn’t experienced so much cockiness since Bob Hawke chipped the Nats as “cockies’ corner”.) Then, having wielded “cocky” with such abandon, it was time to start applying it. Exhibit A: “The Leader of the Opposition has got that cocky swagger again as he’s walking around.” (Unlike, say, the Prime Minister’s much more businesslike gait later as he exited the chamber before the first speech from the new member for Wentworth, Kerryn Phelps. Which is what you want to do when you rely on crossbench votes because your majority’s up the spout.) Then it was time to crank up the terror levels: “The unions, they are feeling pretty cocky about what they will be able to get the Leader of the Opposition to do if he occupies this side of the house.” And at last the cocky coup de grace: “This is a cocky and arrogant leader of the Labor Party who thinks the job is already done. That is not our view! We will fight every day to the next election because he will destroy our economy!” In the end, ScoMo seemed to present the Victorian election result as an endorsement of the federal Coalition, while Labor used the words of Victorian Liberal president Michael Kroger to make an ad endorsing itself. It’s a bit like a horoscope in that you can get out of it what you want.

The great defender

It was hard to ignore the sense of discombobulation, though. Not least on the question of a national integrity commission, which saw the government assume a range of positions. Most surprisingly, it moved Attorney-General Christian Porter to suggest ABC News political editor Andrew Probyn would be found corrupt by such a body. We gather it had something to do with the time Probyn was a bit rude about Tony Abbott. Ergo, we shouldn’t have such a body. A touching if roundabout defence of Probyn, and said with an impressively straight face.

A boot in her honour

During her speech at the unveiling of her official portrait*, Bronwyn Bishop recalled how much she’d enjoyed her powers as Speaker to kick out misbehaving MPs (coincidentally, nearly all Labor ones). She noted that her successor, Tony Smith, was regularly punting some of the same characters. “Some people are slow learners,” she said with a smile. So it seemed only fitting that when Bishop took her seat in the Speaker’s gallery as a special question time guest, Smith punted one of her most regular ejectees, Labor MP Nick Champion. Given Bishop was sitting above Labor frontbencher Terri Butler, all that was missing was Bishop calling, “The member for Griffith will desist.” Just one more time, for old time’s sake. (*For more unveiling action, turn to our Sketch in the news pages.)

Poles in the house

Other question time guests included a Polish parliamentary delegation, accompanied by Warsaw’s man in Canberra, Michal Kolodziejski. As he introduced them, Speaker Smith neglected the chance to bill them as “the other Poles that count”.

Say it with satin

In Bishop news of the non-Bronwyn type, an announcement yesterday: “Media are invited to attend the handover from the Hon Julie Bishop MP to the Museum of Australian Democracy, a pair of red satin block heels that Ms Bishop wore when announcing her resignation as foreign minister. The shoes were seen as a bold statement and a symbol of solidarity and empowerment among Australian women.” They’ll be displayed in King’s Hall.

[e-mail]