Strewth: The final frontier

When the first man in space visited Brazil’s new capital he said: “I feel as if I stepped on the surface of another planet.”

When Yuri Gagarin visited Brazil’s new capital, Brasilia, as part of his triumphant world tour after becoming the first man in space, he said: “I feel as if I stepped on the surface of another planet.” And so to Adelaide, which has been named home of the new national space agency. Surely none of the resulting vibes were quite as beautifully cosmic as those from South Australian Premier Steven Marshall: “Honestly, it doesn’t get any better than this for South Australia, to have the Prime Minister here, having (Science) Minister Karen Andrews here to announce that the national space agency will be coming to Adelaide, will be coming to SA. This is just fantastic news.” Scott Morrison’s official transcript has the PM eventually responding to the happy Premier: “Thank you, Steen (sic).” A fun slip, though not as immediately arresting as last week’s sign-off with Alan Jones: “Thanks very much, Alana (sic), and merry Christmas to all of your listeners as well.”

Together again

Bill Shorten informed reporters that one of the outcomes he’s hoping for at Labor’s national conference next week is “a high degree of unity”. It can happen, even when the material seems less than promising. Think back to Labor’s conference in 2011, when senator Doug Cameron followed his offer of support for a leadership team that included Shorten with this reflection: “I never thought I’d say that. Good on ya, Bill.” Shorten spoke of his Scottish roots and the chance he and Cameron might be related: “I’ve just seen Doug pick himself up off the floor.”

In so many words

Oh to have been a fly on the wall of Senate president Scott Ryan’s office when the mail arrived from Home Affairs secretary Michael Pezzullo. Pezzullo got the pip about stuff said by Greens senator Jordon Steele-John during the encryption debate last week. But rather than a standard complaint, Pezzullo has penned what comes across as a long harrumph unfurled on parchment. Our first preference would be to hear it read by the Jeremy Irons-voiced Lion King villain Scar. “How best to answer another’s scorn?” goes the tone-setting first sentence. “Answer according to the scorn, and one risks behaving like the other. Do answer the scorn, and one risks allowing the other to be wise in their own eyes. I am confronted with this dilemma in the face of a sententious speech made by senator Steele-John on December 6, 2018 … My dilemma is a doubly wicked one, due to the fact that the remarks were made under privilege, which is a precious birthright of our democracy.” The tone is maintained successfully through six paragraphs of a letter crying out to be turned into a podcast, one episode per paragraph. We may nudge the idea in Hedley Thomas’s direction when the time feels right.

Stocking stuffers

It just wouldn’t feel like Christmas without Australian Conservatives senator Cory Bernardi putting a festive spin on the mighty stash of merchandise on his party’s website. And lo he has delivered, offering this suggestion via his newsletter: “Be the envy of your friends and family this Christmas with great Conservatives gear. Whether it’s for friends, family or just something for yourself, check out the Conservatives store for great Christmas gifts and be sure to order now!” The spinning metal key ring remains in stock.

Silver linings playbook

Arguably even more festive was Christopher Pyne and Anthony Albanese’s stint on Adelaide’s FiveAA, not least when they were quizzed about this year’s highs and lows. Pyne was ready with highs (Steven Marshall’s election, ship and submarine-building, and so on), but when it came to lows he managed to be stingy and generous at the same time.

Pyne: “I never see any lows. I only see happy sides.”

Host: “That is a cop-out.”

Pyne: “Silver linings to every cloud.”

Suggestions were made.

Host: “What about that little period where the prime minister vanished again?”

Pyne: “When was that? When did that happen? I can’t remember that. I block out anything unhappy. I’ve got my happy face on like the mother in Strictly Ballroom.”

Host: “What about you, Albo? Your low would probably be the excellent result Bill Shorten got in that by-election earlier in the year, wouldn’t it?”

Albo: “Not at all, I always support the Labor team. I think it is the case, though, that one of my highs is having the benefit of listening to Christopher’s extraordinary optimism, as all around him goes to absolute rubbish.”

Pyne: “Absolute nonsense. We’ve got you right where we want you.”

This exchange can double as today’s Christmas cocktail.

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