Strewth: Tamper crisis

Are strawberry saboteurs food terrorists, as some suggest? Or berrorists?

Are strawberry saboteurs food terrorists, as some suggest? Or berrorists, as this organ’s Dennis Shanahan prefers? Scott Morrison didn’t narrow his options, reaching for “idiot”, “coward” and “grub” during his press conference yesterday. The Prime Minister also chucked in practical advice: “Make a pav this weekend and put strawberries on it.” In a similar spirit, Coalition MP Scott Buchholz roamed the corridors of the press gallery dispensing cups of strawberries and cream. Joel Fitzgibbon and Barnaby Joyce obligingly devoured theirs live on Sky News, a bit of telly that carried only the faintest echo of that time during Britain’s mad cow disease crisis when Blighty’s agriculture minister, John Gummer, got in front of the cameras with his four-year-old daughter and fed her a beef burger. Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk took a different tack: “In the words of the great John Lennon: Queensland strawberry fields forever.”

🍓 CUT ‘EM UP, DON’T CUT ‘EM OUT! 🍓

Let’s all support our strawberry industry! Buy a punnet or two and be sure to carefully wash and cut them before eating.

The Federal Government is announcing tough new laws to target criminals who contaminate our food. #smashastrawb pic.twitter.com/jorQ8xw1wp

— Ian Goodenough (@IanGoodenoughMP) September 19, 2018

But surely the most soothing action of all was taken — yet again — by Liberal MP Ian Goodenough, a man who faces danger calmly and tweeted this simple pictorial advice on Strawberries Done Right. In other words, chop chop.

Young ones abroad

Apart from apologising to teachers for a newspaper piece he once wrote, Dave Sharma is also running for the Sydney seat of Wentworth. As the Liberal Party’s candidate strives to win the hearts of voters in Malcolm Turnbull’s abandoned turf, we are sometimes reminded that when Bob Carr appointed him as Australia’s man in Tel Aviv at the age of 37, he became our youngest ambassador. His Wikipedia entry certainly emphasises it, mentioning it in the first paragraph. A solid achievement, for sure. Nevertheless, we would point out that Stephen FitzGerald was even younger when Gough Whitlam appointed him ambassador to the People’s Republic of China on April 22, 1973. When Whitlam informed him, “I shall now call you comrade ambassador”, he was a tender 34 years and five months.

No croc, just ’gators

Whatever else can be said about Labor MP Anne Aly’s zesty press conference yesterday (exhibit A: “The Coalition doesn’t have a problem with women, the Coalition has a problem with men”), we are reasonably confident it is the first time such a political presser has ended with: “See ya later, alligators!”

Grim up north shore

As well as confessing to a deficit of fondness for strawberries, Tony Abbott has decried the “ultra-leftists” who apparently infest the ranks of the Liberal Party in his corner of Sydney’s northern beaches. Christopher Pyne was invited to muse on the member for Warringah’s travails yesterday during his regular appearance on FIVEaa’s Two Tribes segment with David Penberthy and Will Goodings. It was, in its own way, a masterpiece of the form.

Pyne: “In spite of the fact that there was no other candidate, they indicated some displeasure and that is a matter for the organisation on the Northern Beaches. That’s just the fact.”

Anthony Albanese: (Laughter)

Host: (Laughter)

Pyne: “Why is it funny? It’s just true.”

Albo: “You said that so straight, Christopher.”

Pyne: “It’s true. That’s what happened. That’s the process. They have a vote on, you know, whether the person should be endorsed.”

Albo: “You can have Tony Abbott or an empty chair.”

Host: “And the chair was coming home with a wet sail.”

Albo: “The chair, if it had gone on for another hour, the chair would have won.”

Host: “People were warming to the chair.”

Reefer madness

The ABC News website yesterday ran a story under the fairly self-explanatory headline “45kg of marijuana washes on to Florida beaches, police warn public not to touch it”. We regret to note that at no point did this story make use of the phrases “sea weed”, “high tide” or even “Marine Jane”. We point this out only in sorrow, not anger, so it certainly doesn’t constitute a pot shot. Yes, we are done now; thanks for asking.

[e-mail]