Strewth: summit time

It was a peak performance of a different kind yesterday as Scott Morrison rallied his troops in the Coalition partyroom meeting.

It was a peak performance of a different kind yesterday as Scott Morrison rallied his troops in the Coalition joint partyroom meeting. “Colleagues, we have a big mountain to climb. We all know that,” he began. From here, the Prime Minister segued seamlessly into a meditation on the horrors a Shorten government undoubtedly would have in store for the nation, then returned reflectively to his metaphorical range: “The events of the past few weeks have been very difficult for us all. That’s done, we all know that, and we have a mountain to climb together.” Summit time, and the living ain’t easy. Anyway, fingers crossed it pans out better than it did in episode 401 of Morrison’s beloved Muppet Show, during which three pigs sang The Happy Wanderer as they climbed a mountain. As the Muppet Wikia site solemnly notes: “Unfortunately, every time they sing the third ‘Val-dera’ of the chorus, something bad happens. The first two pigs fall over, but then the third pig gets hit by a bunch of falling rocks, which were sent down the mountain by a goat.” (For what it’s worth, the goat was performed by Frank Oz, the man who also inhabited the roles of Miss Piggy and Yoda.)

Present for duty

One of the Prime Minister’s smaller but no less important jobs was a spot of rollcall duty with 2GB’s Alan Jones when the topic of Julia Banks arose.

Jones: “She wasn’t in parliament yesterday. What, is she on holiday or something?”

Morrison: “No, she was in parliament yesterday.”

Jones: “Oh, was she?”

Morrison: “Yes.”

Indeed she was — sitting in her new pew up in the back corner with Julie Bishop. It looked pretty festive up there.

Spies like him

As if the week weren’t already feeling sufficiently rich, former Donald Trump adviser George Papadopoulos embarked on an extended Twitter soliloquy during which he, ah, strongly alluded to the possibility Alexander Downer was a spy. Just. Imagine. It. Downer, you will no doubt recall, was an ingredient in the kickstarting of the FBI’s Russian probe when, as high commissioner to Britain in 2016, he got on the sauce/source with Papadopoulos and learned about the Russians allegedly having dirt on then US presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton. Anyway, here’s one of Papadopoulos’s tweets from yesterday: “The notion that Downer randomly reached out to me just to have a gin and tonic is laughable. Some organisation or entity sent him to meet me. For the sake of our republic and the integrity of this investigation, I think it’s time Downer is as exposed as Christopher Steele.” Steele, of course, being the former British spook allegedly behind the dossier on fun but compromising and sometimes golden material Russian security agencies have on Trump. Perhaps all this will give Georgina Downer just the boost she needs for her next crack at the seat of Mayo.

It’s all subjective

Derryn Hinch’s flack Annette Philpott was in the business of managing expectations yesterday as she sent out a carefully worded alert: “Senator Hinch will be holding a brief media conference in the Senate Courtyard … He thinks he has an important announcement.” It turns out Hinch — his shirt liberated from his trousers, as per usual — was announcing a candidate to run in Wentworth.

Missing in auction

Parliament House will host the annual (if slightly delayed) Midwinter Ball tonight. One of its standout features is a charity auction, which this year has suffered from the Liberals’ coup. Last year’s offerings involved a Julie Bishop-engineered Hollywood extravaganza, which attracted a bid as big as a house deposit. And while not quite as energetic as the surfing lesson with Tony Abbott offered a previous year, afternoon tea with Malcolm Turnbull also pulled in a hefty pile of coin. Alas, due to Certain Events, Turnbull and Bishop are missing from the auction menu this year — as is the Coalition generally. But a bottle of wine with Bill Shorten and Tanya Plibersek remains safely on the auction menu. Bidding opens at $5000, though judging by the state of things last night, budding bidders are keeping their powder dry until the last minute. Apparently it’s more thrilling that way.

Severe input

Tveeder.com is a handy website that transcribes free-to-air television in real time. It hums along, and even its imperfections offer a certain artistic beauty. In a glitch that has the side effect of filling the reader with hope, it had Speaker Tony Smith declaring in yesterday’s question time: “I repeat what I said yesterday. I will inject members without warning.”

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