Strewth: beards away

Simon Birmingham’s stubble vanished faster than a Catholic primary school’s Gonski funding.

A bearded Birmingham, still in holiday mode.

You know summer holidays are coming to a close when pollies start to lose their beards. And Simon Birmingham’s stubble vanished faster than a Catholic primary school’s Gonski funding. Social media was all a flurry just days ago to see the Education Minister looking so rugged in a press conference. But when he appeared with Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull yesterday to announce the relocation of the University of Tasmania’s main campus to the Launceston CBD, the baby face had returned. Did the Prime Minister take one look at his shabby schools chief and pull out the razor? Nah, it was the women of the Birmingham clan who dealt the final blow. “They’re usually some of my greatest supporters but on the policy of beards, it’s been a resounding no,” Birmingham tells Strewth. “I’m not easily deterred, so I’ll keep testing their resolve every summer holidays.” It’s a surprising backstep from a minister famous for not yielding to a still very angry Catholic schools sector over funding reforms. Perhaps the archbishops need to get in contact with Mrs Birmingham for some tips.

Wallaby law

NSW Police held a press conference yesterday because there was a wallaby on Sydney Harbour Bridge. The wallaby is fine. In other news, it appears all the criminals in the state took the day off.

Cottesloe dreaming

Do you want to replace Colin Barnett in the WA parliament and maybe, one day, rule the West? Well, you’ve got till Friday. The WA Liberals, still reeling from last year’s state election loss, closed nominations for the upcoming by-election in Barnett’s state seat of Cottesloe yesterday. Whoever nabs the Libs’ spot on the ballot paper will almost certainly win the blue-ribbon seat, a perfect launching pad for any leadership bid. Interestingly, Julie Bishop tweeted the alert for last-minute nominations yesterday. Bishop was a prospect for Cottesloe (which sits in her federal seat of Curtin) in 2001. It was part of a legendary plot hatched by ex-premier Richard Court to make her WA Liberal leader. The idea was she’d take over at the beachside seat and Barnett, of whom Court did not approve, would be sent to Canberra. Barnett told reporters he’d “choked on his Weet-Bix” when he read of the plot in the papers, Bishop got cold feet, and it never happened. Everything worked out in the end: Bishop is our feted Foreign Minister, Barnett was premier for yonks, and Court is now ambassador to Japan. The current Cottesloe frontrunner is mining executive Emma Roberts, who looks like leadership material. But some still dream of JBish making the WA Libs great again.

Bad diplomacy

Donald Trump says he’s “the least racist person” after allegedly labelling African nations “shithole countries”. But was the President merely following the lead of a great Australian politician? Alexander Downer was accused of labelling South American nations “busted-arse countries” at a 2001 summit in Chile. The then foreign minister said he would never use such language. Considering he once referred to domestic violence policy as “the things that batter”, some people were sceptical of his denial. It’s also important to note Downer lit the flame that sparked Robert Mueller’s investigation into Trump’s links with Russia after the then Republican candidate’s staffer George Papadopoulos spilled his guts in a London bar. Could there now be hope for a Downer-Trump reconciliation?

Saudi cinema

Saudi Arabia held its first public cinema screening in 35 years, and what a classic to ring in this new progressive era. Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman has lifted the ban, along with allowing women to drive and attend soccer games, as part of a modernisation drive. And the very first film in more than three decades ... The Emoji Movie. It’s an animated tale of how a smiley face goes on an adventure with a pizza slice and a talking poo. Welcome to the enlightened West, dudes.