Strewth: Scott Morrison prefers retiring types

It was clear at Scott Morrison’s press conference that the PM is quite fastidious about which “r” word gets used.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison. Picture: AAP

Retiring types

It was clear at Scott Morrison’s press conference yesterday that the PM is quite fastidious about which “r” word gets used.

Journo: “Over the weekend it was announced two of your cabinet ministers would be resigning.”

ScoMo: “They’re retiring at the next election.”

Compare and contrast that with what one of those ministers, Christopher Pyne, said on Saturday: “At the age of 51 I made a decision that I had the chance to start a new career, and go ahead with a new life after public service of more than a quarter of a century … I’ll go into the private sector and try and create a business … I intend to go into the business world and see where that takes me.” That sounds different to the concept of retirement as we’ve come to understand it. Still, there was some silver lining.

Journo: “Has Kevin Andrews indicated any intention to retire?”

ScoMo: “No.”

And a demonstration of the magnificent, terrible instrument that is the Morrison dead bat.

Journo: “Julie Bishop has claimed she could’ve beaten Bill Shorten if she had been made leader of the Liberal Party. Do you agree with her assessment?”

ScoMo: “I thank Julie for her outstanding service to our country, to our party, and I wish her all the best in her retirement.”

Journo: “Is that a no?”

ScoMo: “No, I’m just thanking Julie for her position and what she’s done for our party and I wish her well in her post-politics career.”

This admittedly did little to clarify ScoMo’s views on retirement.

Zinging in the Payne

Shorten, meanwhile, built up to a zinger based on a minister’s former portfolio, a form of zinger rarely encountered in the wild.

Shorten: “This is a crony government, run for the cronies, by the cronies, on behalf of the cronies. They are out of control.

Journo: “Just on the diplomatic appointees, though, (Foreign Minister) Marise Payne pointed out that Labor governments have previously made political appointments to diplomatic posts. Do you think you are applying a double standard?”

Shorten: “I think poor old Marise Payne … the government wheel her out to defend the indefensible, don’t they? I guess she is the minister for defence.”

We’d be tempted to say “not since last August”, but we don’t want to kill the joke any farther.

No sugar-coating

You’re never too young to learn that enemies and impostors surround us. Picture: Twitter

What makes Tony Abbott’s grasp of Twitter all the more impressive is that he has expressed his disdain for it, dismissing it — reasonably — as “electronic graffiti”. And yet the former PM has become to Twitter what Banksy has to street art. Not least in one of his latest born-again local member efforts: a photo, in which the undisputed star is a bemused looking toddler on her tricycle, and the following words from Abbott: “Great afternoon in Allambie, where the news of Labor proxying ‘Independent’ candidates is spreading.” To think of a greater combination of text and picture we’d have to reach back to when Quentin Blake first started drawing for Roald Dahl.

All sweet in the end

Returning to our Christopher Pyne Mourning Period, we turn to Adelaide-based entrepreneur Sally Zou. As you’d expect of the person behind the Julie Bishop Glorious Foundation, her reaction to Pyne’s frontbench exit — or Frexit — was something to behold. “He is a TRUE GREAT MAN, because a true great man neither trample a worm, nor sneak to an emperor,” she tweeted, adding a flourish of emojis: a thumbs up, a diamond and a gold medal. This tweet begat a tweet from South Australian pollie Tom Koutsantonis: “Well that’s how @sally_ausgold chooses to send off @cpyne, not sure it’s accurate but whatever.” And that tweet begat this bijou: “Tks Tom. Many eyes go through the meadow, but few see the flowers. A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity. So NOW, if I have one candy, I’ll give it to you, because I want you to be happier.” Cue picture of a large, wrapped lolly. Amen.

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