Strewth: Pyne free

Pyne departs in what Simon Birmingham, in a characteristic attempt to remain cheerful, calls a “wave of renewal”.

It was a couple of weeks back that we ended a parliamentary sketch with what now reads like a grim omen: “While some might have plumped for a verbal monograph — or at least stuck to the topic — Christopher Pyne went everywhere, so many subjects tumbling out of him in a hurry it was like watching Wikipedia having a prolapse. ‘Imagine this place without Pyne,’ ventured one observer. A dystopian scenario sketched with cold economy, these were the bleakest of all yesterday’s words.” And so it has come to pass, part of what Trade Minister Simon Birmingham has, in a characteristic attempt to remain cheerful in the face of all evidence, called a “wave of renewal”. Pyne himself was rather jolly, opening his announcement thus: “It’s time to retire while people are asking me to stay, rather than continue and end up later with people telling me to go!” Let’s turn to a slightly earlier Sketch of ours, one that starred Pyne in one of his question time flights of fancy, channelling Macbeth as he held aloft an Anthony Albanese speech that had caused some excitement: “This is the bloodied dagger, Mr Speaker, the bloodied dagger masquerading as a speech from the member for Grayndler, plunged into the chest of the Leader of the Opposition.” As we wrote: “Admittedly Pyne held the printout not so much like a weapon tendered as evidence in a murder trial, but like a black polythene bag dangling fragrantly from a dog-walker’s hand.” At this stage, it would be most fitting to turn to the final lines: “Alas, like many of Shakespeare’s characters, Pyne’s time was brutally finite. ‘And I table this speech,’ he concluded with a flourish. ‘This bloodied dagger masquerading as an address.’ Or as Macbeth would have put it: ‘I go, and it is done.’ Then, like an Adelaide Olivier, Pyne exited stage right.”

All light, no bushel

Amid the resulting merriment was a presser with Penny Wong.

Journo: “What do you think his greatest contribution to Australia was?”

Wong: “You should ask Christopher, I’m sure he could tell you that.”

Journo: “He did.”

Wong (amid mirth): “Well, whatever he said no doubt.”

It was more fun than yesterday when Bill Shorten pondered the government’s frontbench exits — Frexits, if you will — resulting in a moment of reflection that came across like a Google Translate glitch: “My team are hungry to serve the people of Australia, the Liberal ministers are hungry to serve themselves on the way out.”

Pyne’s presser itself had but one moment of regret.

Journo: “Is there anything you’d do differently?”

Pyne: “I probably wouldn’t have told John Howard in 1993 that his time was over (and that) we wouldn’t go back to him. That led to some period in the freezer for me.”

And only once did he disappoint.

Journo: “Anyone on your own side you’re particularly not going to miss?” (Cue laughter.)

Pyne: “I certainly won’t be answering that question.”

Morning people

As for Julie “I coulda been a contender” Bishop, we’ve learned Coalition backbencher Warren Entsch’s text message to her when she pulled the pin ended with a little postscript: “I will really miss my road runner.” We gather it’s something to do with early mornings and exercise, not subjects with which we can claim any familiarity. Happily, Entsch explained it to this august organ yesterday: “She used to run past and smack me on the bum. Every so often I would hear her coming and grab her as she went past and stop her in her tracks.”

Not forgotten just yet

Defence industry minister Steven Ciobo’s departure announcement was also marked, including by one member of Clan Turnbull. Over to Daisy Turnbull Brown, who didst tweet: “I am raising my kids to always clean their own messes so if they ever put their signatures on a list to overthrow the government they know they have to stick around and pay the piper and not run away when they realised they may have miscalculated.” (If this seems a touch bruising, cheer up by finding the superb “Go Ciobo!” campaign ad on YouTube.)

By the short and curlies

Meanwhile, NSW state politics in two sentences. First up, Linda Silmalis in The Sunday Telegraph yesterday: “The youngest sister of Premier Gladys Berejiklian has come out swinging against social media trolls, telling one who referred to her sibling’s nose to ‘grow some pubes’.” And, just as beautifully crafted by Australian Associated Press NSW political reporter Tom Rabe on Twitter: “The Premier says she has spoken to her sister re the ‘grow some pubes’ Instagram replies and has told her to ‘tone it down’.”

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