Strewth: niggle and cahoot

‘Don’t believe Labor’s lies,’ Pauline Hanson tweeted, sounding momentarily like a Malcolm Turnbull tribute act.

“Don’t believe Labor’s lies,” Pauline Hanson began her tweet yesterday, sounding momentarily like a Malcolm Turnbull tribute act. “A vote for Labor is a vote for the Greens. This means open borders, high immigration, more overseas spending and an increased risk of terror.” It is presumably with all this in mind that One Nation is suggesting that in the coming by-election, the people of Longman vote for white nationalist former neo-Nazi, erstwhile jailbird and lapsed swastika-wearer Jim Saleam before they vote for Labor. Everything, as they say, is relative. Say what you like about Saleam, but the bloke sure likes an election and has run for office at a local and federal level before. He even took on Scott Morrison in the seat of Cook, where he managed just 617 votes, and had a crack at Lindsay in the 2016 federal election, where his 1068 votes officially placed him last. So it’s thoughtful of Hanson to give him a little nudge. Not that it pleased Labor frontbencher Jim Chalmers, who was moved to give possibly the nation’s first six-cahoots press conference: “Malcolm Turnbull is in cahoots with Pauline Hanson, who’s in cahoots with Mark Latham and former neo-Nazis.” And: “He knows that he is in cahoots with Hanson, who’s in cahoots with Latham, who’s in cahoots with former neo-Nazis as well.” Also: “ … the Liberal and National Party in cahoots with One Nation”.

Cory the conqueror

While Hanson was sounding off about Labor, Turnbull managed to say “Bill Shorten” without also using the word “lies”. That’s how good a mood everyone is in after the Thai cave rescue. (Either that or he exhausted his weekly quota earlier in the week.) It cheered Penny Wong, too. “In a world where we see a lot of bad news, a lot of tragedy, isn’t it wonderful to see the power of co-operation and the lengths people will go to, the courage people will show, to help fellow human beings? I think it is a cause for inspiration and optimism,” she told the ABC. Which is a lovely sentiment, if a little, well, vanilla. Surely there was someone on the political stage who could take the cave rescue and do something truly bold with it? Step forward senator Cory Bernardi. “This week I have been inspired by the heroic rescue of the Thai boys from their caving expedition. The death of a former Thai navy SEAL demonstrated the danger all those involved faced,” he began his keenly awaited newsletter. And then it was time to get down to business. “Courage, whether it be a rescue attempt or simply standing up for what’s right, we need more people with courage in every arena of life but particularly in the political sphere.” You know where this is going. “Nelson Mandela summed it up well when he said, ‘I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear’.” And so on. We doff our cap to the senator.

Correspondence corner

It was mid-autumn when this august organ first approached newish Australian Securities & Investments Commission chairman James Shipton for comment on AMP’s widespread no-goodery. Did, for example, the regulator intend to take action such as revoking its financial services licence? In addition to being august, this organ is also persistent and has gone back to him almost a dozen times since with direct questions. Alas, the former banker has passed up all opportunities to respond directly and spokespeople — or spokesfolk, for the more relaxed — are left to the fill the void. Other times, there’s the old-school approach of ignoring the question; just because nature abhors a vacuum doesn’t mean ASIC has to. It seemed these would be the only two options relied on for the rest of time, the country-and-western of handling the media. And then yesterday it happened — the fabled third way! Shipton was asked if he had any concerns about $26 billion super juggernaut IOOF (Independent Order of Odd Fellows, we are reliably informed), given its own financial planners were slamming its fee-gouging of the public as “unfathomable” and “unconceivable”. It was on the front page of the Ozyesterday, so it seemed safe to assume the ASIC boss was aware of it. And then it happened — a response that involved Shipton himself. Almost. “The chair is not well today,” said one of his spokesfolk. Well, it’s a start. Get well, sir!

Bananas of liberty

Following yesterday’s snap of Tony Abbott campaigning with the Bananas in Pyjamas against the republic in 1999, we’ll mention they weren’t the bona fide fruits and the ABC sent a reporter to talk copyright.The Ozduly reported how that chat went: “Mr Abbott told the reporter: ‘Thanks, mate, you’ve made your point … It’s a big free country, and if anyone wants to dress up in a suit, that’s their business.’ ”

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