Strewth: Chutzpah calling

An unsolicited potical text message takes a few liberties.

A former MP hoping to get back into federal parliament — partly by inundating people’s mobile phones in an unrelenting dam burst of spam texts — has sent out yet another SMS entirely untouched by even the slightest hint of having been requested. It reads: “When elected, (name of former MP’s political party redacted) will ban unsolicited political text messages, which Labor & Liberal have allowed.” Such pharmacy-grade chutzpah is almost to be applauded, given it’s a guarantee of publicity, no matter how grudgingly granted. Only a churl wouldn’t include their name. (We added the comma before “which” because it was driving us nuts.)

Hip hip hooray, PJK

Let’s wish Paul Keating a happy 75th birthday. We suspect the chances he’ll ever do a Hawkie and mark a significant birthday by watching a burlesque dancer in a John Howard mask are slim, so we’ll simply trust he marks the occasion by cranking up Mahler’s Symphony No 8* so loud the rumble from the subwoofer alone is enough to put out the candles. (*PJK did once give us a carefully thought-out list detailing in which order it was most fruitful to listen to Mahler’s symphonies. It was 10 minutes of untethered joy, a glimpse of a man immersed in and sharing a great passion. We hope we get a chance one day to ask him about his time managing the Ramrods.)

A load of old app

Speaking of rumbles, here’s a PJK special from the Strewth vault, circa 2012: “Is this the humour recession we had to have? When the call came from Paul Keating’s office yesterday, it felt like the cool change that had been forecast to sweep through Sydney. It was Keating’s spokeswoman Susan Grusovin and she was keen to talk to Dan Nolan, the man behind the Keating Insult Generator app that starred in Strewth yesterday and has been selling its freckle off on iTunes. Strewth has had happy dealings with Grusovin before, but the atmosphere this time was a tad frosty, as if someone had mistakenly put on the Antoni Wit recording of Mahler’s No 4 rather than the Otto Klemperer. … We asked Grusovin what was happening. ‘Nothing,’ she said coolly. ‘We just want to talk with him, that’s all.’ Strewth understands that Nolan ended up receiving that talk from Keating himself, and that the conversation might have been at the bumpier end of the PJK spectrum. Nolan politely declined Strewth’s invitation to elaborate afterwards, citing legal advice. It sounded more than a little possible Nolan had collected a few fresh insults for his app, but it didn’t seem the right time to ask. We asked Grusovin if Keating was lawyering up. And, given the internet is awash with websites (not least the Scumbag Archive) and YouTube video clips celebrating his unique invective, did he plan to go after them as well? All we heard in reply was a long, gaunt silence. Meanwhile, the official Twitter account of the Australian Labor Party has taken a different stance. At the same time — nearly to the minute — Keating was giving Nolan the benefit of his unfiltered views, his party tweeted, ‘We’re loving the Paul Keating insult app. All you boxheads can get it at iTunes.’ ” Many happy returns, sir!

Beasts and nucks

There were some synergies in action during Seven’s Sunrise program yesterday morning. On the strap across the bottom of the screen, a quick summary for those just tuning in: “Sheep distress money — Live export ship workers (reportedly) offered cash to film videos of distressed sheep.” And for a few tantalising seconds beneath that: “Ahead: Cash Cow has $60,000 to give away.” Now we’re picturing an accidental overlap in which the Cash Cow accidentally goes on a cruise.

The Bill on the bus

In other transport news, Bill Shorten hit the road in Queensland as advertised (Strewth, yesterday) in a motorised omnibus bearing his photographic likeness. “Fantastic to be back in one of my favourite parts of Australia and back on the fair dinkum thing, the Bill bus, a real bus,” he told an audience, gently administering a couple of low-level burns to the PM. (For his part, Scott Morrison was across the sea in Fiji, evidently having a lovely time. There’s one welcome-to-ScoMo billboard for every few square kilometres.) Shorten continued: “Australians would come up to me on the beach and they’d say, ‘Bill, can we just have one PM for three years?’ ” Shorten, who was there at the dawn of the Era of Fleeting Reign, is a good man to ask. He’s a reformed character, of course.

Birmo’s wish

Finally, a spot of seasonal advice from Trade Minister Simon Birmingham: “Nobody should be politicising either Australia Day or citizenship ceremonies.”

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