Strewth: Buzzers and fibbers

Turnbull’s speech to the LNP conference included everything from hand-feeding drought-affected bees to thoughts on Labor.

Malcolm Turnbull’s speech to the Liberal National Party conference in Brisbane on the weekend encompassed everything from the hand-feeding of drought-affected bees (“It sounded like something out of a Banjo Paterson poem, didn’t it?”) to thoughts on Labor. Here is a tasting paddle: “The lies they are telling there are so shocking”; “they continually lie”; “Labor lies”; “a shocking, shameful lie”; “Bill Shorten and his lies”; and “Labor has become a party of lies, negativity and grievance. They have nothing to offer but a long, dreary whinge, interrupted by falsehoods.” But this stood out as an almost symphonic effort: “Bill Shorten is a liar. He cannot tell the truth. There is no point being mealy-mouthed about this. He is a liar.” Added up, these thoughts appear to convey a theme of sorts. As for his mob, the PM opined, “We are the party that is positive.”

The big picture

Turnbull also delivered a meditation on one example of when size does count. “Big Trevor Ruthenberg,” Turnbull declared, alighting on the cherished subject that is the Coalition’s candidate in the Longman by-election. “He is so big,” he elaborated, trying to get his head around the immensity of this political Gulliver. Turnbull was intent on taking the audience on the journey. “When Peter Dutton told me about Trevor Ruthenberg, he said: ‘He is a big guy.’ I thought: ‘There are a lot of big people in Queensland.’ ” But, as the wonderstruck PM was hellbent on making clear, there is big — then there is Ruthenberg big. “He is so big, I did a press conference with him the other day and when the camera was on me, when I was talking, you could see Trev’s chest. And then, when the camera went to Trev, you couldn’t see me at all. I had vanished.” By then you’d think he’d made his point. But there was one final, concise flourish to eradicate any lingering doubt: “He is a big unit.” Any questions?

Not that sort

Shorten and his crew clearly spent a bit of quality time with Turnbull’s sledges. Come the official launch in Devonport yesterday of Justine Keay’s campaign to get re-elected, Shorten was ready to make an offer: “If (Turnbull) really wants my job as opposition leader, he can have it.” As amusing as that was, it arguably was eclipsed in the comedy stakes by this: “I’m not going to play that game. If he wants to play the personal insult game, he can. But he’ll be doing it on his own.” Unquote.

A few words

We thought we’d just get in a quick plug for the fine folks at the Sydney Institute, who on Wednesday evening will host a speech by Anthony Albanese. The member for Grayndler’s oratory has been getting a bit of careful attention recently, so we just thought we’d mention it. Given the last one was given the once over by Shorten’s office before delivery and still caused such a stir, fingers crossed this one cuts out the middleman. It’s open to Sydney Institute associates and their guests — befriend an associate now! — and light refreshments will be available. Though one suspects Albo’s concept of a light refreshment might differ a tad from that of his hosts.

Missing Christopher

Speaking of Albo, he was minus his usual sparring partner for his weekly appearance on Nine’s Today show and was blessed instead with the services of Dutton. Cue this not even slightly ominous exchange.

Albo: “What’s he done to Christopher Pyne?”

Karl Stefanovic: “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Albo: “He’s probably locked him up somewhere.”

Dutton: “He’ll be back. Don’t go there, don’t go there, Albo.”

Albo: “That’s his speciality.”

Dutton: “Don’t go there.”

Ahem. Anyway, if the Defence Industry Minister could just quietly check in at some point and set our mind at ease, that would be appreciated.

She’s the voice

News of Jenny Macklin’s plan to depart parliament has filled Strewth with a certain melancholy. One thing that has taken the edge off a little bit has been what we suspect is a deliberate gag in Shorten’s salute to her. One of the more basic of her myriad achievements is ownership of the more robust larynxes in federal parliament. Whether she was accusing the government of “cutting to the bone”, or briefly being drawn by scallywag colleagues into yelling what she at first thought was an innocuous nickname at Health Minister Greg Hunt, Macklin’s voice would hit the back row like a B-double bereft of brakes. But according to Shorten: “Jenny Macklin changed the country, in her own quiet way.”

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