Strewth: A little kicker

Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews allowed himself a little victory lap yesterday on ABC’s Insiders.

Liberal Party president Michael Kroger (left) and Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews.

With Matthew Guy done like a lobster, Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews allowed himself a little victory lap yesterday on ABC’s Insiders. As a bonus, he also gave a demonstration of what a powerful fulcrum the word “but” can be.

Presenter Barrie Cassidy: “Michael Kroger, the president of the Liberal Party, do you think that he will survive this?”

Andrews: “Like I said, I don’t often commentate on our political opponent, but you know, swanning around the suburbs that you’ve never been to in your Burberry trench coat, lecturing people about the cost of living — people pick fakes and they pick nasty fakes from a long way off.”

Cassidy: “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Andrews: “I hope that he’s the Liberal Party president for life.”

WATCH: @barriecassidy is joined by the newly re-elected Victorian Premier @DanielAndrewsMP. #auspol #vicvotes #insiders pic.twitter.com/uXemveI8Ga

— Insiders ABC (@InsidersABC) November 25, 2018

Blues brothers

The political blues find all sorts of ways to express themselves. When he got rolled for Bob Hawke in 1983, Bill Hayden bestowed on the nation the immortal line, “A drover’s dog could lead the Labor Party to victory …” (As Hayden reflected years later, “It seems to have settled into political idiom. The only person who didn’t like it was Bob Hawke.”) When Coalition senator Ian Macdonald’s 2013 election victory revelry was cut short, he took to Facebook to tear out his own beating heart. More literally, he wrote: “What should have been one of the proudest days of my life has turned into one of the worst. The ecstasy of a new government and success in the north has turned a little sad with a phone call from Tony Abbott saying he has no room for me in the new ministry.” (Faint echoes there of Winston Churchill shrugging off an honour after losing the 1945 election: “How can I accept the Order of the Garter, when the people of England have just given me the order of the boot?”) Now we have Jim Molan, who got into the Senate when preferred candidate Hollie Hughes ran into constitutional difficulties but who now has been bumped down the Senate ticket in favour of the constitutionally rectified Hughes. It would be easier to jump-start a sponge cake than win from Molan’s new slot. Alas, rather than grieve in public on the ABC’s Q&A panel — where he was scheduled to be tonight — he has pulled the pin, informing the show’s producers, “I cannot bring myself to defend my party at the moment.” We weren’t aware that was the sole purpose for a well-rewarded servant of the nation going on Q&A, but the poor bugger clearly is doing it tough.

Lamb chopped

As are we after learning that Michael Lamb failed in his bid to become the Liberal state member for Frankston on the weekend. After he had joined Bill Shorten, George Brandis and co last week in the pantheon of those whose brains had turned temporarily but utterly to mush while being interviewed by Sky News host David Speers, we had thought he would be a shoo-in.

Lord of the manners

Someone who has been having a much better time of it is Michael McCormack. Last week, the Deputy Prime Minister’s face appeared in Bundaberg’s NewsMail under the headline, “Stud to investigate water options”. (He replied deadpan to Strewth’s subsequent query, “Yes, I will investigate water options.”) Then a couple of days back, when a press conference in Coffs Harbour with Regional Services Minister Bridget McKenzie and local member Luke Hartsuyker was enlivened by anti-Adani protesters, he took command in a way that came close to touching magic. Along the way we have described McCormack as, variously, Sisyphus with a boulder of optimism and morale officer on the Titanic (“Well, yes, the deck is sloping a bit, but the band is still playing — and what lovely music!”). But amid the wall of hostile decibels, MickMack turned into a modern-day embodiment of Politenessman, National Lampoon’s etiquette-enforcing superhero. “If you want a better future stop swearing,” he suggested to one protester who got truculent when a reporter asked why the kids weren’t at school. When one of those kids lifted a “stop Adani” sign into the vicinity of McKenzie’s face, McCormack gave encouragement (“Good on you for having say”) and gentle guidance (“It’s just not polite”). And when the protester with the most notable stamina proved her larynx went up to 11, McCormack went his hardest: “Could you just have a bit of courtesy and let us have our press conference and we’ll be happy to have a chat after.” All we’re saying is we may be on the verge of disproving Bertolt Brecht’s belief, “Unhappy is the land that needs a hero.”

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