Stick and carrot

IT was an unexpected delight to find John Pilger in Sydney's Martin Place yesterday, addressing a boutique crowd deploring Western military involvement in Libya.

IT was an unexpected delight to find John Pilger in Sydney's Martin Place yesterday, addressing a boutique crowd deploring Western military involvement in Libya. Love Muammar Gaddafi or hate him, Pilger declared, he'd created an independent country that had got up the West's nose. "Let the Libyan people deal with Gaddafi," he said, adding there was no need for Western involvement. But what could be used instead of "the West"? "Imperialism!" someone volunteered. Not bad, Pilger conceded, then suggested his preference: mafia. "The West, the mafia, has already moved back into Egypt," he said. As he spoke, a hammer and sickle, that famous symbol of independence and unmolested sovereignty, fluttered near his head (though we can't blame Pilger any more than we can blame Tony Abbott for that bitch placard). To the West-mafia, Libya meant oil and a strategic foothold in northern Africa, but at a price: "Once you get mixed up in a civil war, you will kill people on both sides." We probably imagined a tremor of enthusiasm from the communists at this last bit. Still, being Strewth, what transfixed us was the rich hue of Pilger's tan, like a carrot lightly glazed with caramel. When the Socialist Alliance's orange banner was hoisted behind him, Pilger's face vanished, leaving blond hair and sunglasses appearing to hover above the collar of his black shirt.

Royal flush

ONE of the better japes last Friday was an editorial in Britain's The Guardian, confessing the forthcoming wedding of Prince William to Kate Middleton had let it see the light and shake off its republican ways. There was much jollity over this April Foolery, but not among the ever delightful David Flint and Australians for a Constitutional Monarchy, who have solemnly declared: "That respected voice of progressive politics, The Guardian, has returned to the monarchist fold." In a turn of events too glorious to have hoped for, ACM even quoted some of the tongue-in-cheekier bits approvingly. To wit, "As The King's Speech so vividly reminded us, there are times when only the calming leadership of a hereditary monarch will do; and as the MPs' expenses scandal illustrates, it can be dangerous to trust power-hungry elected officials, who lack the security provided by land ownership and immense wealth. . . . William in particular stands out as something unique: a bastion of tradition with a deeply modern sensibility, not to mention a helicopter pilot's licence. When the time comes, we urge Prince Charles to redouble his focus on his important work in the field of alternative medicine, and to pass the mantle of head of state to his son." Concludes the ACM website, "Some republicans hoped this declaration by The Guardian was just an April Fools' Day joke, but there is no evidence of that." It took nearly an hour to have the coffee pumped from our lungs. Long may Flinty reign.

Western front

MEANWHILE, The King's Speech producer Emile Sherman on why he filmed the Perth scenes of Oranges & Sunshine in Adelaide: "I felt South Australia was the best place because the film is set in the 80s so we couldn't just go to Perth now. Adelaide felt like the best environment to be able to capture the time." Ahem. While SA felt one Perth-related insult, West Australian Premier Colin Barnett had one for the Apple Isle on Sky News yesterday: "Tasmania has become Australia's national park. If they continue to reject any sort of development, well, what right is there to simply take the spoils of hard work in other states?"

The lady rises

IF there was one thing the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers taught us, it was this: "While you're out there smashing the state, don't forget to keep a smile on your lips and a song in your heart." At the risk of sounding like a part of Hate Media (copyright: Bob Brown), we thought the Greens leader might want to bear that wisdom in mind as he sets about reining in his less-than-entirely-pro-Israel senator Lee Rhiannon. The irresistible song for the Brown repertoire would have to be Fleetwood Mac's Rhiannon, particularly this refrain added for live performances after the song was originally recorded: Once in a million years/ A lady like her rises/ "Rhiannon" you cry but she's gone/ And your life knows no answer/ And your life knows no answer. Just a thought.

Parallel universe

AS carefully documented in this space, our political scene has of late felt like one of those Doctor Who episodes where the Tardis lands on Earth and everything looks the same but feels completely out of place. (Red Dwarf and Star Trek fans can insert their own franchise-appropriate scenario.) We've had Labor members quoting John Howard in a favourable fashion, and former NSW Labor premier Kristina Keneally semi-channelling Ronald Reagan. We've even had Tony Abbott sticking the boot into Richard Nixon; that he was setting up a kick at Julia Gillard counts as a mitigating circumstance, but still. Now the circle of strangeness is complete with Mark Latham penning a thoughtful piece in The Spectator Australia concluding conservatives "should listen to Nixon, not rubbish him. Tony Abbott should take note."

James Jeffrey