Soft shoe shuffle

WE had a lovely morning watching John "There was something in the air that night, 'twas a shoe in flight" Howard speaking at the launch of Lazarus Rising (an event to which Jeff Kennett and Peter Costello appeared to have lost their invitations).

WE had a lovely morning watching John "There was something in the air that night, 'twas a shoe in flight" Howard speaking at the launch of Lazarus Rising (an event to which Jeff Kennett and Peter Costello appeared to have lost their invitations).

Then, just as we tingled with the thought this was the first time we'd seen a book launch live on television, a field agent burst our bubble of pleasure with the news that Borders in Sydney's Bondi Junction had already cut the price on Lazarus Rising from $59.95 to the somewhat more random $38.97. Which strikes us as unsporting. In contrast, the Howard biography by Wayne Errington and our very own Peter van Onselen, now enjoying its fourth print run, was never discounted in its first print run. Still, Howard can take comfort that when comparing the books, it's all about him anyway.

That would be a no

AFTER the extravaganza that was Howard's appearance on ABC1's Q&A, we can't help but feel the logical follow-up guest would be Paul Keating. After all, it has been a while since Keating - The Musical, and that "all tip, no iceberg" interview is but a warm memory, slowly but surely diminished by the winds of time like so much desiccated coconut. Q&A host Tony Jones is keen. "We could call it Keating - The Quizzical," he tells Strewth. Sounds promising, but what are the odds of this dream being realised? "Slim," Jones concedes. "He's told us he's not keen on the format. We haven't approached him since getting that message."

Tweet nothings

PERHAPS what's holding Keating back is the calibre of some of those tweets that pop on to the screen during Q&A. If only more people were tweeting like Queensland MP Jason O'Brien. Here's the state member for Cook in action over just a few days; it builds rather nicely: "Walking a day in the shoes of a [child] safety officer in Weipa. Not a happy day so far. Some stories are horrific. Staff morale is very low"; "Up at 4am to catch the red eye to Brisbane for parliament - yuk!"; "Parliament finished for another week. Yeeha!"; "Back to parliament. Even looking forward to it but I don't know why"; and finally, "Will continue to keep my tweets honest and interesting no matter what. I haven't had the 'political lobotomy' yet".

Night of long knives

ONE accidental participant in the plot that sent Kevin Rudd packing all the way to the foreign affairs portfolio is happy to advertise its role in the Ruddicide. Hoang Hau, a Vietnamese eatery in the Canberra suburb of Kingston, proudly displays a laminated double-page spread of the article "How they planned Rudd's execution - the meal that changed history". Penned by Steve Lewis, Ben Packham and John Ferguson, it details how Bill Shorten, senator Don Randall and Kate Ellis plotted the putsch at Hoang Hau while feasting on Vietnamese delicacies. Incidentally, Hoang Hau translates as imperial queen, which seems apt.

Shoot the messenger

NSW MP Frank Sartor has courageously (in the Yes, Minister sense) responded to a negative piece in The Daily Telegraph by launching a personal attack its author, state political editor Andrew Clennell. Sartor let rip over 12 minutes, suggesting Clennell was "a gullible, second-rate journalist" who was "trying to make a name for himself" by "fabricating a smear". Even seasoned observers raised their eyebrows. Just like the Great War, it should all be over by Christmas.

Not in that hat

WHEN opposition Treasury spokesman Joe Hockey yesterday compared a government attack to "being slapped around the head with a terry-towelling hat", he joined a rich tradition of Treasury insults. Think of former British Labour chancellor Denis Healey, who famously likened the efforts of his shadow, Geoffrey Howe, to being "savaged by a dead sheep". Then there was treasurer turned PM Keating's crack about how John Hewson on the warpath was "like being flogged with a warm lettuce". (The "warm" always seemed the most withering part of the insult, a typical example of Keating's attention to detail.) So we applaud Hockey. But in the same way the David Hicks ambush on Q&A was overshadowed by the shoddy stunt (yes, that is a low-calibre shoe pun), the glory of the terry towelling was somewhat eclipsed by the majesty of Jolly Joe declaring, "This is a government that has no gravitas."

You call that short?

WHAT was the most surprising moment in federal parliament yesterday? Was it (a) Speaker Harry Jenkins barking at Christopher Pyne to "return to her seat"; (b) the Greens revealing they're a just like a political party; (c) Nicola Roxon praising Tony Abbott; (d) The Sunday Age's Josh Gordon getting punted from question time for not wearing a tie; or (e) Julie Bishop complaining an answer from Kevin Rudd was too short? Judging by the quantity of smelling salts we needed, the winner is E, which was nothing short of a glimpse into a parallel universe.