Shirts happen

WE hope one day we'll see an Australian election campaign fought out via the medium of tattoos, but for now, we'll have to make do with T-shirts.

WE hope one day we'll see an Australian election campaign fought out via the medium of tattoos, but for now, we'll have to make do with T-shirts.

First out of the blocks yesterday were Tony Abbott and Julie Bishop, who jogged around Parliament House in T-shirts emblazoned with the imperative, "Keep mining strong". As they were gifts from the Minerals Council of Australia, this public display of appreciation was a sound lesson in good manners. Also, the T-shirts are more environmentally friendly than the Libs' message truck, so Malcolm Turnbull will be pleased. Another T-shirt carries this message pictured here. All we ask is that the first retaliatory-shirt be modelled by Martin Ferguson, preferably resisting any childish ripostes, such as, "Who voted for [insert name of mining executive here]." In the meantime, everyone should contemplate those tattoos; what better way to demonstrate your commitment to your message?

1800-no response

WHEN our colleague Peter van Onselen rang the 1800 number listed on the government's mining tax ads this week, he was told (among other things, such as "Call the tax department") the only thing that could be done for him was for a copy of the Henry tax review to be bunged in the post (The Australian, yesterday). Van Onselen gave this some thought, then rang back yesterday, ready to take up the generous offer. Alas, he was informed they were out of print and it would take four weeks.

It's the vibe

IS it possible Bob Katter's senses are sharper than the average MP's, allowing him to detect bad vibrations -- like animals that leave prior to a volcanic eruption -- and flee a looming disaster, such as another sonic explosion from Joe Hockey? Surely that's the real reason the Queensland independent so skilfully engineered his ejection from the perpetual censure motion machine that used to be known as question time. By the time Wilson Tuckey felt the same ominous vibes and tried to get punted, it was too late: Speaker Harry Jenkins had picked them up, too, and evidently decided that if he had to stay in the blast zone, there was no way Tuckey was going to be allowed to escape, declaring with a winning mix of optimism and cruelty: "His punishment is to stay here quietly in the chamber with us." In the event, Kilimanjaro Joe was largely dormant (give or take a minor shout when he spotted Julia Gillard nibbling a biscuit, and this possibly confessional tweet: "The worst QT I have seen from a govt since Dec 2003"). The closest question time got to an eruption was shortly before 3pm, when, mid-answer, Kevin Rudd accidentally gobbed on the despatch box.

Try to keep up

WITH Labor now sharing government with the Greens in Tasmania, it's maybe no longer an insult to suggest an ALP member is a greenie. However, rising Labor star, David O'Byrne, who entered parliament at the March 20 election and is already a minister, appears not to have taken kindly to his entry in the latest Unions Tasmania directory. The little book of union, lobbyist and MP contacts lists O'Byrne as, among other things, "Leader of the Tasmanian Greens". For a Labor man through and through and a proud ex-union leader at that, it was too much for O'Byrne. Recipients of the directory yesterday received a little sticker with O'Byrne's correct titles, to cover up the error.

In defence of pets

AS easy as it can be to be distracted by the clapped-out vaudeville of question time, one should never forget the fun to be had in Senate estimates, where no subject is left untouched. Take this exchange between Defence Minister John Faulkner and Queensland senator Russell Trood on the topic of paying for the transfer of military pets:

Faulkner: "I think the difficulty is more that you might have someone with a very small number of, say, small domestic animals versus someone with herds of animals, literally. This is the sort of issue that arises."

Trood: "Do you have many herds in the Defence Force?"

Faulkner: "Well, some of our Defence personnel, like many others in our fair country, have substantial numbers of animals and the like. They might have literally stables full of horses, for example." As it turns out, encouragingly, there is an arkload of beasts in the Defence Force, with $2.6 million being shelled out (yes, an artillery pun) in 2007-08 to 3468 members to shift more than 11,000 pets. Some of them were listed, but Trood, who may have an ichthyological bent, was disappointed: "No aquariums?"

Faulkner assured him there were aquariums, adding, "But you will need to wait just a little longer to find out about them."

Trood: "I am on the edge of my seat, minister."

Faulkner: "Senator, please don't fall off."