Return to sender

NOT even Tony Abbott's popularity with British Conservatives could help Liberal Party campaign adviser Lynton Crosby gain entry to Britain this week.

This first became public when London Lord Mayor Boris Johnson introduced his campaign team without the man who will run it: Crosby. According to the Daily Mail, "the blunt-speaking Aussie loudmouth and polling guru has fallen foul of tough new immigration rules introduced by the [new British] coalition". Crosby didn't have the correct paperwork, apparently. His absence was not "the greatest start for the man who revels in the nickname the Wizard of Oz", the Mail gloated before reminding readers of Crosby's role in promoting John Howard's stern refugee policy over several election campaigns that culminated in the memorable 2001 line: "We will decide who comes to this country and the circumstances in which they come." Crosby also ran Michael Howard's 2005 election campaign in which the Tories flatlined at 32 per cent in the polls as Tony Blair won his third successive election. To his credit, Crosby ran Johnson's first successful tilt at the mayoralty in 2008, thereby delivering a continuing source of entertainment for Londoners.

A delusional state

AFTER the rather limp launch of Queensland's new tourism slogan last week, Premier Anna Bligh is already claiming success. The slogan "Queensland, where Australia shines" has generated $3.7 million in publicity, she says, an oddly precise figure that cries out for an explanation of its calculation. For example, does Strewth's mention add to the $3.7m, and if so, by how much? The slogan (or brand, as marketing people insist) is being inflicted (rolled out) on unsuspecting foreigners (key international markets) on YouTube (a heavy focus on social media platforms). Bligh claims the YouTube video has generated "massive interest" - 12,600 viewings (equivalent to a respectable attendance at an A-League soccer game).

Standing orders

STANDING up for his beliefs, Allan Heywood has become the first Australian to be buried upright in what is touted as the nation's first green graveyard. On Monday, the 64-year-old from Skipton in Victoria's Western District, was lowered into a 3m deep cylindrical grave in a biodegradable bag. The grave will be left in a natural state and a tree will be planted. In another first, Heywood, who died of cancer, became the first customer of Upright Burials. The burial near Derrinallum cost a very reasonable $2750. "The idea of being buried vertically is of no significance to me. I'll be dead so I won't be uncomfortable," Heywood said recently. And he is saving valuable space.

Critical mass

BRITAIN'S annual Turner Prize is always a treat because it gives critics the chance to sneer at the art. There was an attempt to mount a photographers' boycott this year because organisers demanded only good publicity, which caused establishment critic Brian Sewell to moan: "If you can't critique art then what can you do?" Richard Dorment paid no attention to the demand, writing: "It isn't often that you see the most overrated and underrated artists side by side." He got stuck into Dexter Dalwood's "cack-handed" paintings of imaginary landscapes and interiors. "Dalwood specialises in substandard imitations of the work of Patrick Caulfield. His pastiches have virtually no aesthetic interest . . . Dalwood's one big idea is to add a title that evokes the presence of an absent celebrity without actually depicting him or her. For example, you wouldn't look twice at the image of a tree and full moon against a plain blue ground, but the work's title, Death of David Kelly [the weapons expert who killed himself in 2003], neatly exploits that good man's death for the smug consumption of the art world's least thoughtful fashionistas."

Moment to treasure

SOUTH Australia's flamboyant Treasurer Kevin Foley is a man who, by his own admission, often wears his heart on his sleeve and expresses himself all too candidly. And long may that continue, for Foley is fondly regarded by Strewth. Anyhow, his emotions got the better of him again last weekend during a lavish party to celebrate his 50th birthday. Premier Mike Rann and press gallery stalwarts Mike Smithson from the Seven Network and Greg Kelton from The Advertiser were among the guests. During Foley's speech he was suddenly overwhelmed by the love in the room. Or maybe it was the shock of turning 50.

A Nobel stand

MEMBERS of the Nobel Peace Prize jury can redeem themselves by picking a deserving winner after last year's shocker that surprised the recipient, Barack Obama, as much as it gobsmacked the rest of the world. Firming as favourite is Chinese dissident Liu Xiaobo, who dared to put his thoughts on paper and circulate them among intellectuals. Naturally, the Communist Party threw him in jail, as it had done twice before. Both times Liu emerged thinner, unhealthier but unbowed. Those who met him on his early 1990s visit to Australia will rejoice if he is selected.