Red Keating

WRESTLING as we are with our latest parking ticket, we extend our sympathy to one Paul Keating, who is expected this morning at Sydney's Downing Centre court over an incident involving a red traffic light.

WRESTLING as we are with our latest parking ticket, we extend our sympathy to one Paul Keating, who is expected this morning at Sydney's Downing Centre court over an incident involving a red traffic light.

Such a lapse normally comes with a price tag of $338 and three demerit points, but since it happened on Australia Day, it could be double demerit. The incident occurred in the Sydney CBD on Park Street, which would be understandable, given that it's home to Australian Consolidated Press, one of PJK's persecutors when Kerry Packer still had his mitts on it. That is, if it is indeed the same Paul Keating. Red-light Keating has the same birth date as our illustrious former leader, and if it's a coincidence, it's one worth celebrating. We spoke briefly with someone at Keating's office - it was touching the way her tone deflated when we mentioned which newspaper we toiled for - but all we got was, "I'm afraid I can't help you with that."

She needs a miracle

A LITTLE visit to court is a minor blow to the dignity compared with what's going on in the office of NSW Premier Kristina Keneally, where things are apparently so dire that staff have resorted to using Twitter to publicise any pro-Keneally letters published in newspapers. But we think we've found the way to move forward (if we may borrow a Gillardism). Auditions are being held today for the musical MacKillop, and one part that needs to be filled is the big one. Says artistic director Andrew McCarthy: "There are many characters in the [Mary] MacKillop story but most importantly we're looking for Mary. She's Australia's first saint so this is quite literally an 'iconic role'. " The show's being staged in October, just a handful of months before the next NSW election is due. If Keneally were to nail the title role, we don't see how she could lose. Unless NSW Opposition Leader Barry O'Farrell plays the Pope, in which case, it's back to the drawing board.

Money likes Julia

SOME may still be optimistic about chances of a Coalition victory at the next federal election, but the good folks at Centrebet aren't among them. According to spokesman Neil Evans, "The tidal wave of money for Julia Gillard's party continues, [and] I now fear the gap between the two major parties is too big . . . Tony Abbott needs to throw a World Series-style curve ball, and throw it very bloody quickly!" The biggest vote of confidence so far has come in the form of a $25,000 wager from a Brisbane punter. Was there any chance this Brisbane punter was one who had very recently relocated from Canberra? We put the possibility to Evans, who deemed it unlikely the "hung-out-to-dry leader would part with 25k of his hard-earned, even if he did borrow most of it from Therese".

Signs of the old Kev

MEANWHILE, the Kevin Rudd page on the ALP website still features a photo of our Kev standing alone at a lectern labelled "New leadership", though this may allude to the conspicuously larger image above, a Julia Gillard triptych that implores all to "Connect with Julia". The Rudd bio below has yet to be updated; the final, poignant paragraph reads, "Mr Rudd is an avid supporter of the FIFA World Cup bid. Be sure to check out the short film - a soccer ball goes flying straight through the PM's office!" This is followed by a second imperative: "Follow Julia".

Radio emits hot air

HAVING spent the weekend in a warmer part of Australia, our return to a Sydney huddled beneath a cold, dark and seeping sky yesterday came as a jolt (albeit one eclipsed momentarily by the $15 we shelled out to ride the airport train a distance barely longer than a couple of dachshunds standing snout to freckle). What we needed was a sense of perspective, and luckily one soon came from Canberra, where Sustainable Population Minister Tony Burke tweeted: "Walking into parliament. Minus 2C. About to be interviewed on 2UE. Must not sound like it's freezing." Operation Disguise Hypothermia Symptoms was evidently a success. So how did he do it? What was his secret? "The fire of Sydney radio," Burke told Strewth, gently but firmly rejecting our suggestion that he was being tongue-in-cheek. "I told [host] John Stanley that if I suddenly went quiet, he had to understand why."

Thumbs up, for now

AT last week's launch of Nowhere Man, the debut novel of Macquarie banker turned publisher and author John M. Green, ACCC chief Graeme Samuel said he'd be reading the book to make sure it lived up to the cover quote from P.J. O'Rourke ("John M. Green is the new Michael Crichton . . . but better!"), and noted that the fine for false or misleading representation was $1.1 million. Samuel has apparently begun reading. As Green explained to Strewth, "If it is indeed the great read that P.J. says, I'm totally off the hook. But if not, I may just escape the wrath of the law by the skin of my teeth. Samuel's staff, who are allegedly 'poring over it', tell him there may be a jurisdictional issue, namely that 'the purveyor of the opinion' is a non-resident of Australia, and not conducting trade and commerce in Australia."