Rann recycling

JUST days after John "You can't be serious" McEnroe accidentally mucked up his nickname and addressed him as Randy rather Ranny, South Australian Premier Mike Rann must have thought he was on safer ground with his Twitter chum and bromantic interest Lance Armstrong.

JUST days after John "You can't be serious" McEnroe accidentally mucked up his nickname and addressed him as Randy rather Ranny, South Australian Premier Mike Rann must have thought he was on safer ground with his Twitter chum and bromantic interest Lance Armstrong.

 The supercyclist, who is responsible for the Ranny moniker, is in Adelaide for the Tour Down Under and the two held a press conference yesterday. The first journo to really push buttons was our very own Peter Kogoy: "Lance, you're nearly 39, nudging 40."

Armstrong: "What? I'm 38, now I'm 40? You're no spring chicken yourself."

Kogoy: "I own up to being 57."

Rann: "That's a good age by the way." (Rann is 57.) So far so good. Then came former AFL player turned Big Brother contestant turned radio host Ryan "Fitzy" Fitzgerald. Last year, Fitzy asked Armstrong how he took a "whizz" off his bike during long races, and Armstrong said going downhill, off to the side. This time around Fitzy asked: "When you take a whizz during the race do you take a whizz when [Spanish cyclist and Armstrong detractor] Alberto Contador is in front of you or right behind?" (Ah, if only Oscar Wilde were alive today, he might reconsider his views on sarcasm.) Armstrong opined, "You never try to take a whizz on anybody", but added he now knew who Fitzy was. "A dickhead," Fitzy suggested, presumably by way of clarification. Lance looked at Rann and asked, "Did you say that?" Rann replied, "Unfortunately it got picked up by the microphone." And it was then, in the midst of this love-in, that the spirit of McEnroe momentarily possessed Armstrong's tongue and made it utter these words: "No, no. Randy would never say that."

The man for the job

WHEN Strewth was but a lad growing up in southern Sydney's Sutherland Shire (oops, cat's out of the bag there), we were greatly excited when the Catholic church opened St Patrick's in Sutherland. For starters, it featured a grass-covered roof you could walk on to, a thrilling foretaste of what was to come with the opening of the new Parliament House of Australia six years later. Even more exciting, however, was the fact that among all the garden equipment -- sprinklers, hoses and the like -- the church had, with an admirably singular focus, chosen just one brand: Pope. Ever since then, Strewth has had a particular taste for the startlingly apposite. So it was with a particularly deep-rooted sense of delight yesterday that we learned that the NSW opposition was holding a press conference to make disgruntled noises about syringe-vending machines for drug users. And the man they wheeled out to the job? Acting Opposition Leader Andrew Stoner.

Becky blockbuster

THERE'S nothing that dents Australian civic pride quite like being dumped on by a British tourist. And so to Townsville, a city in the grip of collective soul-searching after English blogger Becky Padmore described it as a "creepy hole" and among the six worst places she's visited. Then again, perhaps the residents of Townsville are hardier than average, judging by the results of a poll in The Townsville Bulletin (peace be upon its name) asking, "Does Townsville do enough to make backpackers feel welcome?" By late yesterday, the results were as follows: 10 per cent of respondents voted, "Yes, everyone is welcome in our city", and 20 per cent for, "No, we need to do more to encourage visitors", but an altogether solid bloc of 70 per cent plumped for, "No, and it doesn't matter". Incidentally, Padmore is quite keen on Los Angeles.

Wave goodbye

IT seems that even the spirit of RealSurf.com webmaster Don Norris may be beginning to buckle beneath the relentless ordinariness of Sydney's surf conditions. For a few moments yesterday morning during his regular surf report on 702 ABC Sydney, he was sounding almost dangerously despondent as he struggled gamely to make something out of nothing: "There was slightly more than nothing [yesterday afternoon], which is what we've had to put up with. But this morning it's kind of under the heading of slightly more than nothing . . . It's probably not going to be very interesting for surf prospects much of anywhere for another few hours." And he predicted today's report would be a rehash of yesterday's. Which prompted co-host Wendy Harmer to ask: "Do you feel you have the most useless segment on breakfast radio at the moment, Don?" Norris replied: "I do what I can with it . . . I do have to push on."

Tony's miracle togs

IT'S not quite on the Mary MacKillop scale of things, but a minor miracle occurred yesterday: Tony Abbott was photographed by the sea (Sydney's Botany Bay, to be precise) and not wearing budgie smugglers. True story.

Try the UBD

ONE of Strewth's colleagues turned to Google Maps to get directions from Newport, one of Sydney's northern beaches, to the suburb of Arncliffe. Google Maps, however, decided it knew better and thoughtfully gave directions from Newport Beach, California. And it's all there in a diligently thorough set of instructions that includes every tollway, exit ramp and roundabout along the way. Also included are three kayaking segments: US mainland to Hawaii, Hawaii to Japan and Japan to Darwin. Our colleague is giving it some thought.