Prose and cons

AFTER much reflection, Malcolm Turnbull has decided that "anonymous smartarses" wasn't a great turn of phrase to use about his colleagues.

AFTER much reflection, Malcolm Turnbull has decided that "anonymous smartarses" wasn't a great turn of phrase to use about his colleagues.

The admission came during a phone interview with ABC radio's Mornings show in Perth, but Mal regrets only the wording: "The reality is that people who say denigratory, vicious, nasty things about other colleagues, particularly about the leader, under the cloak of anonymity in the media, knowing that by doing so they are damaging the Liberal Party and the prospects for

re-election of many, many of their colleagues - people that do that are not admirable people, or their conduct is not admirable I should say, and they inevitably will be criticised. But they should be criticised in language that is more elegant, I agree." Clever cloacas?

Diving belle

AFTER the scuttling of HMAS Canberra outside Victoria's Port Phillip Bay, Geelong Otways Tourism boss Roger Grant prompted a droll little spat by suggesting the new wreck would offer a diving experience superior to the Great Barrier Reef. This prompted much snorting and hooting in Queensland, and a poll in The Cairns Post asking, "Will Geelong's sunken warship be more popular with divers than the Great Barrier Reef?" By yesterday evening, though, 61 per cent of respondents had voted yes. One of those was cast by Grant himself, who tells Strewth he's been laughing his head off at the result: "Talk about something blowing up in your face." That said, he's happy to play the role of magnanimous victor, decribing the reef as "one of the world's truly iconic diving destinations" and recommending divers visit the reef and the Canberra. Grant assures us he only voted once.

Down and still out

REMEMBER Alastair Gaisford? He's the Strewth reader who had Telstra chief David Thodey vowing to personally get to the bottom of Gaisford's protracted struggle to get the internet connected. For many of Strewth's startled, Telstra-using readers, flowers bloomed, birds sang and hearts skipped. So, weeks later, we thought we'd check in with Gaisford to see what happened in the end. "Nothing," he says. Perhaps it's just a long way to the bottom.

Angel of darkness

DESPITE a sterling effort this week by Yevgeny Dzhugashvili, who is suing Russian newspaper Novaya Gazeta after it suggested his grandfather Joseph Stalin ordered the deaths of Soviet citizens, our favourite quote about a pollie this year remains Irish comedian Dylan Moran's sublime crack about Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi: "He's so corrupt, every time he smiles an angel catches gonorrhoea." So it's pleasingly symmetrical that Berlusconi, who has been stripped of his immunity, has supplied our new favourite quote from a politician: "I will go on. We must govern for five years, with or without the law." As much as we enjoy Wilson Tuckey's efforts, he's going to have to pull something extraordinary out of his, erm, hat to get back in the running.

A wit and a prayer

THE death of The Australian's former religious affairs editor, Father James Murray, represents the closing of a partnership that was so entertainingly dominant when Strewth started at The Oz. Murray, whose memorial service was held at Sydney's Christ Church St Laurence yesterday, regularly inspired columnist Frank Devine to stentorian efforts come the lunching hour, Devine bellowing across the office, "come along now, priest", and "has anybody seen a short, fat priest?". The indignant, rasping reply from the other end indicated the priest was on his way. Murray went out of his way to welcome overwhelmed newbies such as this columnist. He knew how to fume measuredly; no one else could so convincingly declare, "I'm in a state of mild fury." It's way too quiet now.