Not in the script

THE room in Sydney's commonwealth parliamentary offices where prime ministers hold their press conferences isn't a big one.

THE room in Sydney's commonwealth parliamentary offices where prime ministers hold their press conferences isn't a big one.

Sure, it's classy: there's a light that looks as if it's from the tail end of the art deco period, there are shelves of learned tomes clad in leather and a pair of flags hanging from poles so pointy they could conceivably be pressed into service as spears should a press conference get out of hand. But it's reassuringly modest in its dimensions; indeed, an amorous rat (yes, that is a subtle Quarterly Essay reference) could run its length in a few seconds. And unlike that other popular Sydney doorstop spot - a tree behind NSW Parliament House that, by some strange coincidence, looks like the best fertilised piece of vegetation in town - there are no sudden gusts of wind, noisy joggers or car accidents to obscure the sound. All in all, you'd think this would be enough to ensure that no question or answer during a prime ministerial press conference would stand a chance of escaping the embrace of posterity. Say, for example, what we happened to think was the best question asked of Kevin Rudd yesterday at his presser about the soldiers killed in Afghanistan. The question was: "You recently suspended asylum claims from Afghanistan. Does this latest bloodshed suggest that situation needs to be reassessed?" By the time the transcript rolled out of the PM's office, it was rendered thus: "(inaudible)". Happily, every word of our colleague Nicola Berkovic's question about the mining tax made it into the transcript intact but, then, she is a terribly clear speaker.

Pollies at a price

NOTHING need be on the record, though, if you go bowling with the PM. Yes, it's that time of year, as the federal parliamentary press gallery Midwinter Ball hoves gently into view, when our elected representatives offer themselves up to the gods of charity or, more specifically, get auctioned off for charity on eBay. The ball has raised $1.3 million for good causes in its 11 years of existence, but we predict a record year, going by what's on offer. For example, you and three others could join the Rudds for dinner at Kirribilli or the Lodge (invite David Marr for fun!) or, as an alternative, go barefoot bowling with the PM and Wayne Swan. Or perhaps dinner with Julia Gillard, or with Bob Brown and a bunch of his colleagues (a good night to not eat your Greens). Then there's Tony Abbott, who's offering dinner or a great big personal surfing lesson. Our only regret is that one item not up for grabs is a chance to get groped at the ball by a member of Sophie Mirabella's staff but, then, some things are better spontaneous. Bidding on eBay closes next Wednesday at 5pm.

Hammering it in

SOUTH Australian Treasurer Kevin Foley is still trying to live down a comment he made last week amid pressure for him to resign over misleading parliament on the Adelaide Oval redevelopment cost, exclaiming at the time that he was "not the sharpest tool in the kit". Under pressure again yesterday, this time on the cost of a new hospital development, Foley admitted he may have been a bit harsh on himself. Having got no response from reporters when he asked, "Do you think I'm not the sharpest tool . . . ?", he changed tack. "I tend to think of myself less as being the sharpest tool and more of the hammer, it's a much more effective tool." It's a brave man who describes himself as a tool.

On a clear mission

WHICH leads us not at all seamlessly to Michael Johnson. When the Liberal National Party opted only to expel Johnson for misusing his parliamentary email and electorate resources, and not to even consider allegations he misappropriated campaign funds, Johnson asked Queensland Police to clear him on the latter charge. But police have advised him the case cannot be investigated as the LNP hasn't made a complaint. The now independent member for Ryan is seeking legal advice on the LNP's original show cause notice, which asked him to explain alleged misappropriation, in the event he can sue for defamation. For good measure, Johnson complained to the Australian Federal Police about bullying by the LNP and expects to be interviewed next week.

Giant leap for fans

NEIL Armstrong made one of his rare public speaking appearances yesterday in Berlin, where he received the International Air Transport Association global aviation leadership award. He gave an interesting speech about the history of circling the globe but didn't get around to mentioning that little jaunt to the moon. He also politely declined questions from reporters afterwards about the state of the US space program. But it turned normally hard-nosed aviation executives and not a few reporters (including our aviation writer Steve Creedy) into instant groupies as they all raced up to shake the great man's hand and attempt to pose for photos.

Don't go there

IT was thoughtful of whoever put together the invitation to Kyle Sandilands's "official birthday bash afterparty" to include this suggestion: "Be apart of this year's biggest birthday bash." Apart sounds good.