No bagging Alan

IT'S barely a handful of months since broadcaster Alan Jones suggested a water-based leisure activity for the PM and the Greens leader.

IT'S barely a handful of months since broadcaster Alan Jones suggested this water-based leisure activity for the Prime Minister and the Greens leader: "The woman [Julia Gillard] is off her tree and quite frankly they should shove her and Bob Brown in a chaff bag and take them as far out to sea as they can and tell them to swim home."

Apart from everything else, this posed one serious logistical problem: chaff bags just aren't that big. For example, the biggest chaff bag on offer from the Bundaberg Bag Company measures 70cm x 130cm and, with all the goodwill in the world, you're not going to squeeze two elected representatives into that. Not that this was the focus of the reaction to the comments, and some people got quite upset about Jones's rhetorical flourishes. Not that Brown's the sort to linger on such hurts. Yesterday, as Jones was letting rip over coal-seam gas at the National Press Club in Canberra, Brown was hitting Twitter: "2010 I began a press club speech with the Acland disaster; 2011 Alan Jones has brought Acland back to the NPC. Go Alan!" (And no, we don't think there was an implied "away" in that imperative.) Gillard did not follow Brown's example.

Mutual admiration

SPEAKING of bipartisanship, a moment from Senate estimates yesterday:

Liberal senator Scott Ryan: "Nice to see you again, minister, I know you were here late last night so it's good to see you."

Labor senator Nick Sherry: "Thank you, senator, I know you were here later than me, though, so I congratulate you on your, er, ah, stamina."

Ryan: "Oh, I don't normally get complimented on that, so thank you."

Hands off, George

ANYONE clinging to the faint hope that shadow attorney-general George Brandis may channel Paul Keating during the visit by the Queen -- who arrived in Canberra last night to a blaze of welcoming gunfire and a battery of commentators brutally flogging to death the word "gracious" -- had their slender dream smashed yesterday during a discussion on ABC Brisbane:

Terri Begley: "George Brandis, anything you'd like, if you had the opportunity, to bring up with the Queen?"

Brandis: "Look, I'll let things happen as they may. I understand the protocol is that you wait for Her Majesty to initiate the conversation."

Begley: "And definitely hands off."

Brandis: "Indeed."

Clockwork seagull

OUR esteemed colleague Dennis Shanahan is distracted, trapped in what may be the ABC's version of groundhog day. No matter what time Lateline crosses to London to speak to a guest (live or pre-recorded, as was the case with Wayne Swan this week), it is 10.20am according to Big Ben, the sky bright and sunny and the bridge covered in tourists walking along in T-shirts. Notes Shanahan, "It's got to the stage where I can predict the arrival of the next open tourist bus or boat going under the bridge. If the interview goes long enough there is a seagull that flies from the left of the camera shot quite close and veers past the interviewee's shoulder." That said, the vision of Swan with birds swooping madly about him does kind of work. Shanahan admits, "It's getting to the stage where I'm not listening to what's being said but waiting for the seagull to appear."

Eric ducks the issue

STILL on aquatic birdlife, we're just catching up with the rage of Tasmanian senator Eric Abetz, who was thundering in Senate estimates the other day about ducks accidentally poisoned during feral animal eradication efforts on Macquarie Island. As he explained afterwards, "This is a complete debacle which just goes from bad to worse. The collateral damage seems worse than the problem the government was seeking to eradicate." He has come a long way since the days when he'd try to be a little diplomatic on collateral damage-causing poison 1080. Here he is in 2006: "While we recognise some community concern over the poison's use, many private landholders feel there are no viable alternatives to 1080."

Debate full of Grace

AMID ongoing scrutiny over government inaction in remote Aboriginal communities in South Australia, some commentators and Labor MPs have been calling for a return to bipartisanship on indigenous affairs. One of those who has been stridently calling for a bipartisan approach is state Aboriginal Affairs Minister Grace Portolesi. So let's see how she goes in the bipartisanship stakes during this reply in parliament to Liberal backbencher Steven Marshall, who has been shining a light on problems in the Anangu Pitjantjatjara Yankunytjatjara Lands. Ready, minister? "I am very happy to answer this question, but before I do I would like to ask the member for Norwood what his plan is for the future of the APY Lands. A big fat zero! Here they are, attacking people on the lands, talking down the lands. What is their plan? We have the member for Norwood going up to the lands, looking to do a bit of muckraking." Hmm, needs some work.