NBN gets shirty

THE launch of the National Broadband Network at Melbourne's Brunswick trial site did not err on the side of understatement.

THE launch of the National Broadband Network at Melbourne's Brunswick trial site did not err on the side of understatement.

There was a hall packed with politicians, bureaucrats, corporate types and so forth, and a big orange button for Julia Gillard to press to make the NBN go live. When the button was duly pushed, a video screen above the PM showed an animation of a road map on which the NBN network kicked into life with laser-like blue lines shooting along the streets. As the blue lines multiplied, the animation zoomed out to show them arching out over the landscape. "How exciting was that?" enthused master of ceremonies Peter Blasina, the "Gadget Guy" from the Seven Network's Sunrise show. But there was some scattered laughter when he noted the NBN had now gone live to, ahem, 14 premises. Communications Minister Stephen Conroy, of course, stressed it was a limited trial ahead of it going "open slather" in October. Blasina meanwhile was wearing one of his trademark loud summer shirts and said he'd failed to persuade Conroy to don one for the occasion. That prompted the PM to josh that such shirts would now be the cabinet uniform, but just for the men. None of the political press conferences we saw while we were away in Hungary and Greece were of this calibre.

Wake up, Joe

AMID the tensions besetting Hungary (for example, the Hungarian government's almost nostalgically draconian media laws) and Greece (for example, just about everything), Australian politics can look almost sleepy in comparison. We know, of course, this isn't the case, but we did wonder when we read our first transcript upon our return to the Strewth desk: Tanya Plibersek and Joe Hockey on air this week with 2GB's Ben Fordham:

Fordham: "Are you both fired up? Are you excited?"

Hockey: "Yeah."

Fordham: "I want energy. Joe, you look like you're half asleep. Are you all right?"

Hockey: "I'm great."

Fordham: "OK."

Plibersek: "I'll pinch him if he falls asleep."

You don't say

CANDIDATE for understatement, courtesy of ALP national president Jennifer McAllister in a mass email yesterday: "As Labor members and supporters, we've got a lot to do this year."

Ellis beats his Drum

TURN your back for two minutes (or, more correctly in this case, four weeks) and all sorts of terrible things can happen. For example, the darkness gathering over the reign of South Australian Premier Mike Rann; the Rannerdammerung, if you'll forgive us a small Wagnerian stretch. While the thought of losing Rann brings an ache to Strewth's heart, it's softened somewhat by the knowledge that Rann's sometime speech writer Bob Ellis has this week penned a paean to him on the ABC website, the Drum. It's all the more touching considering Rann sank a slipper into Ellis last month for the "repugnance" of some of the views expressed in one of Ellis's more energetically contentious pieces. Sure, the latest Ellis offering has attracted some ire and even had a correction tagged on to the end, but Ellis has to his credit at least been engaging with those commenting on his piece, even if that engagement does sometimes end with a "Please answer this lest I think you an awful fool", "Come outside and say that", "Why be like Glenn Beck and just blither?", or, more succinctly, "Go bite your bum."

Zoom zoomhilda

FOLLOWING that faintest of operatic allusions (we promise to try getting a sports item in tomorrow), we would like to note that on Opera Australia's invitations (in a mood-enhancing shade of pink) to the launch of its 2012 season, the phone number for RSVPs actually belongs to some poor bugger at Mazda. No, he didn't ring us back.

Lost in transit

YOU would think someone with Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade as their employer might be on the front foot vis-a-vis visas. Not so fast. On Wednesday night, Trade Minister and acting Foreign Affairs Minister Craig Emerson arrived in the southern Chinese city of Guangzhou for his six-city, eight-day tour of the country -- a trek embassy wags are calling the Long March (well, it's a start). Problem was, his chief minder, media adviser Mark Mulligan, wasn't with him: he'd arrived sans visa. Still, as Strewth once lobbed in the US minus a passport (short but awkward story), we're hardly in a position to point the finger. As it is, it seems even Beijing recognises the power of Emmo and Mulligan was by his boss's side the next morning, shooing ABC cameras out of the room for off-the-record comments from His Emmonence.

Putting a shine on it

STILL on the travel front, anyone still clinging to that lovely old saying that you can't polish a turd is advised by Strewth to visit Abu Dhabi airport. Sure it may seem aggravating and surprised to receive passengers, but it is very glossy. Perhaps we just caught the place at a very bad moment.