Museum peace

It was hard not to reflect on the gulf between Scott Morrison and John Howard in old Parliament House’s Museum of Australian Democracy.

When Scott Morrison arrived at old Parliament House’s Museum of Australian Democracy yesterday to open John Howard’s library, it was hard not to reflect on the gulf between them. Morrison, the semi-accidental beneficiary of the August implosion, has been Prime Minister for a number of weeks only slightly greater than the number of years Howard racked up. As ScoMo noted during his affectionate speech: “John Howard completed his innings after 11½ years as prime minister. In the modern political era, that is truly inspiring.” It seemed right to have Howard in a museum, the idea of a long-serving PM all but a precious artefact from a bygone era. An indefatigably chipper figure these days, Howard was at pains to thank those who had been with him. He started with the Nationals leaders — Tim Fischer, John Anderson and Mark Vaile — then moved on to Peter Costello, Alexander Downer and Philip Ruddock, who was in the room. Howard made a warm acknowledgment of Gough Whitlam, too. Confessing to having committed the “cardinal sin” of not scripting his remarks, Howard was confident any accidental omissions would be rewarded in the form of an “ever so gentle scold by a member of my family afterwards”. Though probably not from new grandson Winston, who’s just a handful of weeks old and already sporting an impressively rich head of hair.

Spirited beer o’clock

There was something reassuringly Australian about the snap press conference Morrison and Josh Frydenberg called on Monday night. Not just the fact it was about new Liberal Party rules to make it harder to roll a prime minister (it doesn’t get much more Australian than that these days) but also this exchange.

Morrison: “We’re listening to the Australian people and we’re siding with their judgment.”

Journo: “Was it a mistake to get rid of Malcolm Turnbull?”

Morrison: “Everyone just settle down, it’s late in the evening. I don’t know what you guys have been up to. You’re very spirited.”

Frydenberg: “They are spirited, it’s beer o’clock.”

With a certain inevitability, Morrison soon found himself having to make this request: “Can everyone stop shouting?”

The conclusion had a somewhat different though no less droll vibe to it.

Journo: “Why did Julie Bishop come late (to the rule change meeting)? Was she told?”

Morrison: “Yes, she was.”

And with that, the press conference was done.

Plane words

Frydenberg held a different sort of press conference outside in a Senate courtyard yesterday with Energy Minister Angus “Biggus Stickus” Taylor. As they spoke, a skywriter got to work high above them floating a big white “NO” in the firmament. Then some wondered if it was being read upside down and it did in fact say “ON”, which these days is taken as a dread-inducing indication that another leadership challenge is brewing. The mystery was ended with the addition of a “W”, which evidently made it a one-word suggested timetable for when to get children off Nauru.

On-water matter

Despite all the Christmas trees and tinsel and ornaments and carols (traditionally worded and otherwise), nothing in Parliament House has said “festive season” quite like Labor MP Emma Husar parking a small pink elf upon a petite inflatable unicorn and setting the jolly ensemble afloat on the water feature in the Members’ Hall yesterday. Or at least we think that’s what it said. But, as ever, we could be wrong.

Great big new tracks

With NSW once again abuzz with “plans” for high-speed rail, we are indebted to ABC reporter Stephen Dziedzic for reminding us how steeped in time this tradition has become by harking back to the 2011 iteration of locomotive fever, a fever that prompted ABC PM host Mark Colvin to “accidentally” hark back even further. “The federal government’s released the latest feasibility study into a Very Fast Train running along the Eastern Australian seaboard,” Colvin announced in his tones of purest velvet. “It’s proposing a route between Brisbane and Melbourne via Newcastle, Sydney and Canberra at a cost of up to $108 billion. It may be the latest study, but it most certainly is not a new idea. David Mark reports.” Cue a reporter’s voice: “A very fast train will run between Sydney and Melbourne on a specially designed track. Travelling at a speed of 350km/h, it will be the fastest train in the world. The Sydney-Melbourne journey will take just three hours.” Then Colvin: “Sorry, wrong tape. That wasn’t David Mark, it was Gordon Taylor from PM in 1989. Let’s try again.” Come back now, Mark, your country needs you. Hurry.

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