Migration blues

AMID the excitement that WA Treasurer Troy Buswell has been cross-pollinating with a Greens MP, it was going to take a lot to deflect our attention.

AMID the excitement that West Australian Treasurer Troy Buswell has been cross-pollinating with a Greens MP (perhaps meaning we shall no longer think of him as Chair Man Troy), it was going to take a lot to deflect our attention.

News that New Zealand immigration authorities had given Pauline Hanson a hard time at the airport more than fitted the bill. As Hanson explained to Woman's Day: "I felt terribly embarrassed. I basically felt like a criminal. I was taken to another room and asked to 'please explain' about my time in jail . . . I need to have this cleared up. I am not a criminal." She also shared her view/s on immigration: "It brings racial tension and violence and a mix of people who don't get on well together, so you have problems." Perhaps the Kiwis felt the same way.

Bewitching hour

COMING just days after Strewth revealed Alexander Downer's apparent fixation with NSW Premier Kristina Keneally's pulchritude, we were shocked to learn even radiophonic hard man Ray Hadley has fallen under the spell. Here's what he told The Sunday Telegraph: "The first time I interviewed her, she did put one over me. She had me disarmed, batting her eyelids and carryin' on." Is nobody immune? Is this the real reason Kevin Rudd so studiously avoided looking at her during that awkward press conference the other month, not out of a boorish deficit of good manners but out of terror that if he looked he'd end up handing over the keys to the Lodge? We turned in desperation to The Australian's NSW political correspondent and paragon of professionalism, Imre Salusinszky. Surely Keneally hadn't managed to get under his guard when first they met? "I had no guard," Salusinszky told Strewth. Oh. We, however, shall rise above it all. Besides, since we carried her handbag for her earlier this year, our heart has belonged to Bronwyn Bishop. And maybe a tiny bit to Craig Emerson's hair.

Ready-made beefs

STILL with Keneally and her crew, we've been amusing ourself for days with the Letter-o-Matic function on the NSW Labor Party's website. All you need to is plug in your details, pick a topic and the Letter-o-Matic (yes, that is its real name) whirs into action. For example, click on the Black Balloon campaign and this appears, ready for you to send: "Dear Editor, Please help reduce the human impact on the environment by supporting the NSW governments Black Balloon campaign to help reduce carbon emissions. Yours sincerely". So 20 points for innovation, minus 500 for content. Hurtfully, though, the menu of possible recipients includes dozens of small local papers ranging from The Eden Imlay Magnet to The Sydney Morning Herald to The Cobar Age, but has snubbed The Oz. Maybe they recognise our readers don't require assistance.

Too late for y-fronts

JUST as we were thinking all that was missing from the Carl Williams saga was Zoo Weekly's take on it, the esteemed magazine of record has revealed as tactfully as possible that the incarcerated killer had begged them repeatedly for undies. Over to Zoo Weekly editor Paul Merrill: "Carl wrote to me often at my home address (which pleased my wife no end) talking about life in prison. I sent him some magazines to relieve the boredom but the prison authorities sent one back as there was an article on breaking out of jail in it. It's tragic that we never got to give him any underpants."

Anzac pipeline

FOR heroic labours in the tough field of trying to cash in on Anzac Day no matter how flimsy the material at hand, Strewth salutes this effort from the South Australian Government: "War graves at Adelaide's historic Australian Imperial Forces cemetery are to benefit from the commonwealth and state-funded $76.25 million Glenelg to Adelaide Parkland pipeline. Minister for Urban Development and Planning Paul Holloway said today the Adelaide Cemeteries Authority has signed an agreement with SA Water to receive high-quality recycled water to irrigate the AIF section of Adelaide's West Terrace Cemetery. Speaking before Anzac Day commemorations, Holloway says: `It is only fitting we preserve the final resting place of those South Australians who so bravely fought to defend our liberties.' " Lest we forget to water the lawn.

The pipes are calling

DURING the early years of Strewth's cultural education, we saw an episode of Danger Mouse in which the villain, Baron Greenback, plotted to take over the world with a gigantic bagpipe weapon. This involved capturing the 10,000 wild bagpipes roaming Scotland (no, they don't make cartoons the way they used to) and putting them in a vast, soundproof glass chamber, in which their noise would be allowed to build and build, then released as a devastating sonic death ray. We were reminded of this yesterday when a dozen or so pipe and drum bands were funneled together through the Sydney CBD toward Martin Place, the concrete and stone canyon of George Street acting like Greenback's pipe sphere of doom, creating a wonderful yet devastating sound. As pipers say, if music be the food of love, fortissimo!