Maggie Streep?

THE mind boggles thrice at the prospect of Meryl Streep playing Margaret Thatcher in a forthcoming biopic, set in the fortnight before the Falklands War.

Boggle one: the flick is being filmed by the director of Mamma Mia, the ABBA musical (a Streep triumph), creating the opportunity for a singing iron lady. Boggle two: are there no English actors who may have a better handle on the baroness's accent? As Lindy Chamberlain, Streep came across as a cockney. Perhaps she will sound Australian this time. Still, she can't sound more improbable than Jennifer Ehle in The King's Speech, who comes across as an Englishwoman impersonating one of us, which she is. Boggle three: there is no mention of a big finish featuring Thatcher leading the cabinet in Don't Cry For Me, Argentina.

Embarrassing news

SHIT indeed does happen, as Mark Riley and his colleagues at Seven Network news are discovering. Callers to talkback radio yesterday generally thought that when Tony Abbott said shit happens when talking about the death of Jared MacKinney in action in Afghanistan, he was acknowledging that no one had stuffed up. So why did Riley try to make a big deal out of not much? Former NSW transport minister David Campbell might know. Seven made a big deal about catching him leaving a gay club last year, and Campbell resigned over what was an entirely private matter. Seven ran a public interest defence for about a day before giving up. You would think they would have learned that trying to embarrass people for the sake of it is not news.

The wrong stuff

SOMEBODY who really has questions to answer about his competence is Donald Rumsfeld. The former US defence secretary, clueless about what to do after Saddam Hussein fell, dismissed the mayhem in Iraq by saying "stuff happens". Now, with a book to spruik, he tells us the prison at Guantanamo Bay was one of the finest prison systems in the world, whereas most people think it's a place where some bad shit -- sorry, stuff -- really did happen.

Poetry in motions

STREWTH sent Alan Stokes's column in The Australian Financial Review yesterday to the code breakers to see if they could translate it for us. Sure, it was written in impeccable English, but it was a bit hard to follow. Apparently Stokes has taken up running in a big way and is keenly contemplating a marathon. But was the graphic description of chilli-chicken-induced diarrhoea a marathoning metaphor or colour writing describing an actual incident? At the time of writing the supercomputer is still searching.

Built to last, partly

ON the day The Australian reveals the National Broadband Network is to ultra-fast data transfers what Sydney's railway network is to efficient trains, it is good to report the pointy-heads at NBN Co had a bit of luck lately. NBN Co had strung overhead fibre cables in Townsville to see how they would handle a category five cyclone when along came Yasi! Apparently the fibre came through intact, but power poles carrying cables came down. A case of technology succeeding even when it was not working.

He's a natural

SILVER fox Sydney shock-jock Ray Hadley has had it with men who dye their hair. And Federal Trade Minister Craig Emerson, who sports a dark mane fringed around the ears with telltale grey panels, found himself on the sharp end of Hadley's well-toned tongue yesterday. "I saw that Craig Emerson on Sky News this morning, and I tell you I wish he would stop dyeing his hair," Hadley said on his 2GB show. "It looks ridiculous and looks like he has a helmet on. Craig, stop dyeing your hair and go grey gracefully; you look ridiculous. Go to Julia Gillard's hairdresser friend and see if he can do something other than dye it." Emerson greeted the spray with mirth but was at pains to issue a denial. "Do you put colour in your hair, Craig?" asked host Mike Paton on Canberra's 2CC. "No, I don't," was Emerson's swift riposte. "Actually, if [Hadley] bothered to have a look, he would see the grey bits on the side. If he wants me to dye my hair grey just to make him happy, well, you know I could consider that."

Keep out of this

GIVEN the furore over online retailers, which affects many businesses in his Sydney electorate, Malcolm Turnbull was keen to attend a forum being put on by Digital Economy Minister Stephen Conroy on February 18, to feature speakers from Australia Post, eBay, PayPal, GraysOnline and Temando. But there's no room in da house for Turnbull. After registering his interest in attending, he received an email with disappointing news. "Thank you for registering your interest to attend the Online Retail Forum," the email read. "We have had overwhelming interest in the forum . . . We have confirmed registrations for retailers and organisations directly involved in the supply value chain for online retail, and then generally only one representative for each organisation. Unfortunately this has meant that we are unable to offer you a place at the forum."

So cruelly denied!

Stephen Matchett