Kissing the PM

READERS with strong stomachs might have dwelled on photographer Ray Strange's snap in yesterday's paper of Julia Gillard and Bob Hawke making a decidedly half-hearted attempt at kissing.

READERS with strong stomachs might have dwelled on photographer Ray Strange's snap in yesterday's paper of Julia Gillard and Bob Hawke making a decidedly half-hearted attempt at kissing.

Eyes closed and lips firmly sealed, it looks like the ultimate air-kiss in which the kissers avoid actual contact, a manoeuvre long since mastered on the fashion-cocktail circuit everywhere. The incident brings Strewth back to the vexed matter of the circumstances in which it is correct etiquette to kiss a prime minister. The conventions are still developing, although in Hawkie's case convention can go hang when there is a sheila in the mix: former NSW premier Kristina Keneally was a recent recipient of a Hawke air kiss at the tail end of the recent state election campaign and look what good it did her (although we should add that Keneally seemed to enjoy the experience).

A Keating moment

ANOTHER of Ray Strange's photos taken at the air-kiss incident features Julia Gillard with Warren Brown, a military historian who moonlights as editorial cartoonist for The Daily Telegraph. Brown was there in his capacity as a member of the Commission on the Commemoration of the Anzac Centenary, a fine body of men and women: former PMs Hawke and Malcolm Fraser, retired army major Mattina Jewell and Kylie Russell, widow of SAS trooper Andrew Russell, the first Australian killed in Afghanistan. They had presented their report on how Australians could celebrate the 100th anniversary of the Gallipoli landings when Strange asked Gillard and Brown to pose. Brown put his arm around Gillard's waist and she did likewise. Brown suddenly had a moment of etiquette doubt. The image of Paul Keating (dubbed the Lizard of Oz at the time by the British press) putting his hand on Queen Elizabeth's back surged into his mind. "I feel like Paul Keating," he blurted to a puzzled Gillard. But they did not attempt to kiss.

Green credentials

AS Queenslander Pauline Hanson's chances of an upper house spot in NSW firmed slightly yesterday, Labor spokesman and upper house member Luke Foley aimed his popgun at the Greens, accusing them of giving Hanson a leg up by refusing to do a preference deal with Labor. "Pauline Hanson was in the grave until (they) dug her up," fumed Foley. "And they might stick her into the Legislative Council." As one wag at the media conference noted, some might describe this as an entirely logical progression. But think of Premier Barry O'Farrell's etiquette quandary should Hanson pucker up for an air kiss.

Not the spot to go

THE sensitive website editors at The Age in Melbourne have struck a jarring note with their placement of the hellish story about Brisbane woman Alicia Galli who was sentenced to 12 months for adultery after being drugged and raped at a United Arab Emirates holiday resort (she served eight months before being pardoned in 2009). Galli has been given the go-ahead to sue the hotel where the nightmare took place, a valid news story in our opinion. But The Age website had the story in its Traveller section yesterday, which prompts us to wonder what advertisers spruiking the merits of the UAE as a tourist destination are thinking.

Man of few words

FROM Britain, where soccer rules the northern winter with an icy grip, comes the irresistible news that the England coach, Fabio Capello, thinks he needs only 100 words of English to get his message across to his multi-millionaire players. The immediate question that springs to Strewth's mind is: which particular 100 words would do the job? Beyond kick, run, goal, tackle, pass, remonstrate (with the referee), tug (as in opponents' shirts), fake (injuries), trip -- OK that's enough free advice. Capello should get some praise for his attempts to keep a simple game simple. "When you speak about tactics, you don't use a lot of words. I don't have to speak about a lot of different things. Maximum 100 words." Take that Paul Roos and Mick Malthouse. Wayne Bennett has already mastered the art of word economy.

Bubble bursts

WHEN Mirza Zukanovic, 20, popped his bubble gum in a Melbourne magistrates court he found himself in the jug serving 30 days for contempt. He spent 12 hours in a cell before getting bail. Magistrate Rodney Crisp said Zukanovic's actions "involved blowing a very large bubble and popping it whilst looking my direction". Strewth is indebted to AAP for noting that Zukanovic had found himself in a sticky situation.

Graeme Leech