Just so, like, yesterday

JUST when we all thought it was a hoax of World Health Organisation Level 6 pandemic proportions, Australia is in the grip of swine flu and nobody seems to care.

JUST when we all thought it was a hoax of World Health Organisation Level 6 pandemic proportions, Australia is in the grip of swine flu and nobody seems to care.

Scary grabs from federal Health Minister Nicola Roxon - that swine flu is a killer disease that strikes the young - have failed to create mass alarm. There is no doubt about it: just like Susan Boyle, swine flu has become a victim of what communications professionals call news fatigue. People are sick of hearing about it. And, as with Boyle's eyebrows, a radical re-branding is in order. Perhaps those apathetic to the curse of the porker influenza should read quarantined ABC reporter Sarah Collerton's blog. It's not a good advertisement for the stimulating attractions of quarantine.

Swine of a time

COLLERTON has been holed up in a Brisbane safe house since Monday with four of her friends after one of her housemates tested positive for swine flu. Her predicament has all the elements of a reality TV show: four 20-somethings locked in swine flu HQ for a week, unable to go outside. It's a veritable swine flu Big Brother. But, alas, instead of yarns of housemate bitching and collective insanity brought on by cabin fever, Collerton's blog tells only of sniffles, bad reactions to Tamiflu and grocery drops. "Todd, 26, is showing symptoms," Collerton writes. "He has a sore throat and has gone through one box of tissues with his runny nose. He is going to be swabbed this afternoon." In such an environment, terrifying questions dog the quarantined subject, Collerton writes. "We're not sure what will happen if any of us proves to be infected but it has us asking questions like: Should the infected person be moved to another location, such as this premise's double lock-up garage?" Where's the panic, Sarah? This is a pandemic you know.

Embarrassment of riches

THIN skins are hard to find in federal parliament, but his inclusion on the BRW Rich List hit a nerve with Malcolm Turnbull yesterday. The former investment banker was prickly when questioned about his first-time entry on the list yesterday, dismissing the calculation of his net worth of $178m as speculative. "These figures are basically plucked out of the air," Turnbull said. "They have no idea what the net worth of most of the people on the list is." The straight-talking Liberal senator from Junee in NSW, Bill Heffernan, was irritated too. "I think that's a political bullshit ambush," he said of Turnbull's entry. "When a bloke with that capacity wants to make a public contribution he should be applauded."

Caught in crosshairs

IT has been a while since former Federal Court judge Catherine Branson has found herself under cross-examination. Branson, president of the Australian Human Rights Commission, found herself hauled before Senate estimates this week, having to explain the attendance of social justice commissioner Tom Calma and other senior commission officers at the Durban Review Conference on Racism. The conference had been boycotted by the Australian Government on the grounds that in the past it had served as a forum for racist attacks on Israel. Liberal senator George Brandis, formerly a barrister, appeared to take great delight in nailing the former judge, who he accused of evading his questions. Brandis even accused Branson of acting like Kevin Rudd during last week's "don't mention the deficit figure" interview with ABC1's Lateline host Tony Jones. "If you had a witness in one of your courts in days gone by, Ms Branson, and they evaded a question as egregiously as you have just evaded mine, you would pull them up sharply," Brandis said. A barrister's revenge always tastes sweet.

Not the retiring type

JOHN Farnham came back yesterday with a new tour and a joke or two at manager Glenn Wheatley's expense. The Aussie pop legend announced that he would tour Australia in September and October, beginning with six nights at Sydney's Lyric Theatre. It will be Farnham's first series of shows since 2006 and comes seven years after his "farewell" tour, The Last Time. The singer, who will be 60 in July, said at the Lyric Theatre launch yesterday that he was "tired of being retired. I want to go out and play again. I'm back at work." The concerts reunite Farnham with his friend and manager Wheatley, who was jailed for tax fraud in 2007. "The work did drop off for about 15 months," said Farnham, referring to Wheatley's sentence.

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