In so many words

ONCE upon a time, a man called Kevin Rudd opened his mouth and released the words "detailed programmatic specificity".

ONCE upon a time, a man called Kevin Rudd opened his mouth and released the words "detailed programmatic specificity".

Like the first time we saw Star Wars and that gigantic Star Destroyer filled the screen, it was impressive and unsettling, leaving us is no doubt a new and dazzlingly high standard had just been set. Still, if anyone was equipped to try topping it, it was Malcolm Turnbull. He did not disappoint yesterday at the Securing the Future conference in Melbourne (sponsored by this very organ and Melbourne University), where he emphasised the importance of not engaging in "anachronistic spatial determinism". (Our field agent, Tom Dusevic, got in some quality time with the smelling salts after that.) In mortal terms, it means to not plan our cities based on old notions of what a family is, but there's something strangely catchy about the Turnbull version. Inevitably, someone asked Lord Wentworth what he would do when he became prime minister. He said this probability was not "within the forward estimates period".

The great defender

YESTERDAY, we riffed about the squalls of bipartisan love that unsettle Joe Hockey's heart and his possible pining for the days when he'd sing on TV with Kevin Rudd. It seemed a tad fanciful, until Hockey went on Sunrise yesterday and poured his heart out: "I feel a bit sorry for Kevin. After what the Labor Party did to him, now his own biographer is having a shot ... It is pathetic behaviour ... I just think people have got to lay a bit off Kevin. ... People have been too tough on Kevin. They have got to lay off him." These days, Hockey's regular Sunrise partner is Environment Minister Tony Burke, who sort of entered into the spirit of things: "You just gave me three invitations to have a go at (Rudd) and I didn't."

Off the 'dile

WHEN it comes to being true to its core mission, The Northern Territory News - hallowed be its name - is a lesson to all of us. Especially yesterday, when in a burst of purity not seen since the pre-balance-of-power Greens, it shoehorned five crocodile stories on to its front page, a design that, in the words of the NT News, was "carefully crafted by (editor Matt) Cunningham over a period of about 45 seconds".

Closer to power

ONCE upon a time, Strewth talked with Mick Gatto on the blower. When our brief conversation drew to a close, we realised that we'd somehow magically overcome our normally dire posture and were sitting bolt upright. Our posture improved again yesterday when it seemed the noted Colourful Identity and crane operator had got closer to the centre of power in Melbourne, penetrating the security cordon around Parliament House with one of his cranes and a truck. Surely the Victorian parliament awarding Gatto's company was a triumph for open-mindedness? Alas, our man in the field tells us it was a contractor who'd got Gatto's crew in to deliver a temporary shed to Spring Street.

World class

ONE of the benefits of Australia getting a seat on the UN Security Council is a lift in the quality of scam emails. The latest to grace our inbox begins jauntily ("Dear Sir/Ma") before getting down to business: "We are contacting you regarding the payment authorisation order received from United Nations to co-ordinates (sic) the remittance sum of $US9,600,000 to you through their offshore escrow bank account in London." As part of our desire to improve international relations, we've emailed back. We'll let you know how we go.

Transporting types

OUR eye was caught by a photo yesterday in Britain's The Telegraph, showing what appeared to be a giant, yellow Lycra-clad Tony Abbott effigy being prepared for Guy Fawkes night. Noted the paper: "The figure will be stuffed with oil-soaked newspapers, packed with fireworks and torched in front of thousands of people on Saturday night." A bit uncalled for, we thought. Happily, it turned out to a case of mistaken identity on our part: it was a Lance Armstrong effigy. Almost as joyful was Julia Gillard's invention of a new metaphor yesterday. Asked again about the Australian Workers Union she replied, "You're on completely the wrong tram."