In Malcolmland

WE were amused to see a photo in this august organ yesterday of Malcolm Turnbull seated beneath a screen proclaiming him to be "Malcolm Turnbull, federal minister for Wentworth".

WE were amused to see a photo in this august organ yesterday of Malcolm Turnbull seated beneath a screen proclaiming him to be "Malcolm Turnbull, federal minister for Wentworth".

Wentworth is a fabulous electorate, but a portfolio? "It's a common slip, deliberate or not," Turnbull informs Strewth via the magic of Twitter. "Interesting that apparently I am the minister for Wentworth regardless of who is in government." Fellow tweeter Pierre Bezuhov opines: "I prefer to think of Wentworth as a principality. Progressive leadership, well situated, substantial GDP." While Turnbull has no wish to disagree with this assessment, his vision is that bit bigger: "Why not a republic, like Switzerland for example?" A republic? Is that on the cards? "We can have the convention anytime. I think the best chance of passing a referendum is after the end of the Queen's reign."

Tears and toads

THE dangers of working with children and animals were highlighted in different ways yesterday. With Julia Gillard, it was the first demographic that proved problematic during a long speech in a Perth school and childcare centre. One baby after another started crying, building into such a chorus of anguish we feared that noted rookie reporter Mark Latham had entered the building. Speaking of toxic creatures, it was a cane toad that posed a challenge for Julie Bishop in Darwin. It was a toad of some heft - possibly bigger than Graham Richardson's head - and Death Bish very gamely held it in her bare hands, only for the amphibian to start puffing itself up. (Expected Labor spin: No matter what the Libs touch, inflation results.) As Bishop reflected: "Why is it that most politicians get to kiss babies and I get to hold a cane toad?" Your educated guesses/wild stabs in the dark to the address below.

Gaffe of the Day

THE latest gaffe-mospheric disturbance comes courtesy of Andrew Peacock, with yesterday's observation that "You'd need to be pretty handicapped not to appreciate that this government is dissolving before your eyes daily." What gave the line its extra zest was that Peacock was campaigning in his old seat of Kooyong, where the Labor candidate, Steve Hurd, is legally blind. The expected furore arrived with commendable speed and ferocity, but while some see Peacock's contribution as proof a souffle can be risible as often as it wants, at least he said it with a sparkle in his eye. And it's not as if he said anything that compares to a Family First senate candidate. Curiously, one of the first things that pops up on the internet if you type "handicapped" and "Peacock" into Google is Wikipedia's entry on a biological phenomenon called the handicap principle. The photo that accompanies the entry is of . . . ominous timpani roll please . . . a peacock.

Budgies on holiday

YOU'D think the Kiwis might be happy after that business with the All Blacks and the Wallabies on the weekend. (Strewth doesn't understand rugby, but from the tenor of our father-in-law's dialogue with the television set, we pieced together that it didn't go quite as hoped for.) But no, here's Air New Zealand using our election in a brazen attempt to take Australian dollars, creating a hybridised political leader to boot: "Do you need to escape the election? Do you want to embrace redheads or wear budgie smugglers in public without it being a representation of your political preference? Escape to New Zealand and enjoy a Tony Gillard free zone." Hmm. Speedos in NZ in August? Pass.

Uniform response

BUDGIE smugglers are small potatoes compared with the efforts of Victorian Education Minister Bronwyn Pike. Yesterday, the state's teachers tried to come to grips with Ultranet, the new school intranet system, only for it to work as well as a big chocolate teapot. Meanwhile, Pike was at the Melbourne Convention Centre addressing an audience of principals and assistant principals while a montage of photos of her was projected on to a screen behind her. One featured Pike in a Wonder Woman outfit. Asked afterwards if it were hers, she assured that it was borrowed.

Bob just never stops

IN need of some campaign uplift? You can do worse than turn to the handiwork of the member for Kennedy, Bob Katter - "Your Force from the North", as his ad has him. In it, Katter pumps iron, faces cattle with a lasso, gets down a mine, rolls up his sleeves near a punching bag and hammers that phone. Cue voiceover: "When you need someone who can put up a fight, a voice in Canberra that stands up for what's right, Bob's on the job all day and all night." Leaving aside some of the potential imagery courtesy of that last bit, the ad is a hoot. And that "stands up" bit is a possible indication that even though His Bobness is an independent these days, he hasn't forgotten his time in the Coalition. So you have to wonder about the decision by the Google ad generator to plop a plug across the bottom for Labor's YouTube channel, complete with that photo of Abbott that makes him look like a altar boy caught piddling in the font.