ICAC yourself

IF you can't laugh during an official investigation into corruption, when can you laugh?

IF you can't laugh during an official investigation into corruption, when can you laugh?

At the NSW Independent Commission Against Corruption yesterday, Chris Branson, QC, the barrister representing former NSW planning minister Tony Kelly, had a gripe about commissioner David Ipp's habit of starting proceedings at 10am and going all the way through without a break until lunch at 1pm. Branson, accustomed to a more gentlemanly pace, with proceedings punctuated at proper intervals with coffee and toilet breaks, returned from lunch airing his grievances. Happily, if unbeknownst to him, his complaints were broadcast through the PA to a room full of journalists. Specifically he wondered at Ipp's apparent stamina; "What's he got a toilet under there or something?" he pondered aloud. Returning to his chair, the commissioner informed Branson that his comments had been recorded - "This is the commission against corruption, you have to be careful, you know." But all's well that ends well, with Ipp declaring, "In light of the remarks that have been reported to me, we will have a break at llam each day." A small cheer went up in the press room.

Silver lining

AN encouragingly glass half-full performance by Liberal Party non-president Peter Reith yesterday when he took to Twitter to say, "[Tony] Abbott comments on IR policy are encouraging. I should lose elections more often." Another place, another time, we might have called this moving forwards.

There's the rub

SPEAKING of Twitter . . . To be putting gaffer tape across the bottom of the television screen when ABC1's Q&A is on, or not to be: that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the stings and narrows of outrageous tweets (example: "I'd rather live in Syria than have Abbott as PM"; we're confident @msdare will be true to their word), or finish up with a ruddy great mark across the telly when we rip the tape off. While we wrestle with this particular dilemma, we will note it was refreshing to see Joe Hockey on Monday night's program, confronting mortality with an arrestingly Hamletesque courage:

Hockey: "Well, look, history will tell you that a by-election is almost inevitable sometime during the course of a term in parliament."

Cartoonist Fiona Katauskas: "But it could be one of your guys."

Hockey: "Yeah, it could. If people keep sending me pizzas, it may well be me."

Library reshuffle

NOT that it would necessarily take a by-election to rearrange things at the top. According to the "Other sources of parliamentary information" page on the federal Parliamentary Library website, Australia's deputy prime minister is Stephen Smith. We hope this compensates for losing the foreign ministership to that other bloke. And no, there's no mention of Wayne Swan on the page to spoil the party.

(800) grand plans

ACCORDING to budget estimates in Tasmania yesterday, the state's Health Department is to spend $800,000 - yes, that is the correct number of zeroes - on a razor gang charged with the task of figuring out how to save money. Some Strewth items are best left unadorned.

Verity kept

ONE from the We've Grown Accustomed to Her Face files. Now that three months have passed since the NSW state election, it seems a wish doubling as a slogan may have been granted. The inner Sydney seat of Balmain has been festooned with so many bright orange placards urging a vote for former state education minister Verity Firth with the plaintive imperative "Keep Verity" for so long they must almost be eligible for heritage listing. Certainly, the neighbourhood would be a sadder place without Firth's chipper visage beaming down at us with misplaced optimism. Perhaps they'll keep for the next election.

Crowning glories

YESTERDAY'S reminder to refer to David Flint's Monty Python-fanciers as Australians for Constitutional Monarchy rather than Australians for a Constitutional Monarchy has aroused in reader Rob Moline a world of possibilities: "Australians for Constitutional Monarchy? It implies any monarchy will do rather than a specific monarchy. Can we start a push for a different monarchy? Say appoint the Danish royal family as Australia's foreign sovereign rulers, so that eventually we get an Australian (in the person of Mary) into one of the top spots? I'm sure Flint and the rest of the AfCM would have no problem with that; the AfaCM might have."

Any time

SYDNEY broadcaster Ray Hadley is happy to confirm that his invitation to Family First's lapsed senator Steve Fielding to come on air for a bit of rough (Strewth, yesterday) is indeed open-ended: "I'm looking forward to a time in the future when I can confirm my opinion to the grub personally."