Humble Pies

ONLY 33 people were arrested in Melbourne on Saturday night and Sunday morning as Collingwood fans celebrated their well-earned AFL premiership.

ONLY 33 people were arrested in Melbourne on Saturday night and Sunday morning as Collingwood fans celebrated their well-earned AFL premiership.

Either Victoria Police have become more tolerant of antisocial behaviour, or Collingwood supporters have become more civil. It can be instructive to look at those who barrack for the Magpies. Top of the pile is the omnipresent Eddie McGuire, who was snapped in the throes of emotional stress when the siren sounded. Then there is Mark "Chopper" Read, who looks like an archetypal Pie man, and Paul Keating, who does not fit the profile. Hurdler Jana Pittman, boxer Jeff Fenech, pollie John Brumby, The Daily Telegraph columnist Tim Blair and Insiders presenter Barrie Cassidy are all black and white. So, too, we suspect is Marieke Hardy, granddaughter of Frank Hardy, the communist author who wrote a fiction about John Wren, a born and bred Collingwood man. Marieke Hardy, the lass who is in strife for an unpleasant piece of writing for The Drum about sweet-mannered Christopher Pyne, is probably a Magpie. Her tweets over the weekend suggest she rather fancies players Harry O'Brien and Sharrod Wellingham.

Foster sisters?

BRITISH satirical scandal-sheet Private Eye has a long-running column titled Lookalikes, where the photographs of two people who resemble each other are placed side by side and the captions transposed. In the latest issue, a photograph of Jodie Foster has a line describing her as the newly re-elected Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard. The picture of Gillard, of course, says that she is the famous film star Jodie Foster. If you squint through a cloudy shard of glass, there is indeed an uncanny resemblance between the two women.

Katter's razor gang

TWO intrepid young Strewth reporters recently ventured into the office of legendary independent MP Bob Katter for a breakfast meeting and a discussion about the great man's views on child welfare issues in his north Queensland electorate. Everything was going swimmingly over date scones and coffee when the cowboy-boots-and-all Katter -- barely pausing in his stream of consciousness -- suddenly whipped out his electric razor and starting shaving. Now, ladies take note, when men shave they tend to contort their features -- mouth wide open, jaw stretched, nostrils flared, that sort of thing. Katter continued unfazed as our reporters struggled to keep straight faces and not burst out laughing. It was a close shave.

Edna's nigh

BARRY Humphries has written an unauthorised biography of Dame Edna Everage, a startling account of how she changed her personality from a "painfully reticent young housewife, barely able to conduct a conversation, to a terrifying monster looming over her theatre audiences like a vulture disguised as a bird of paradise, and a woman whose advice is today sought by world leaders, and whose clothes are shamelessly copied by first ladies the planet over, [which] is a transformation I could never in my most extravagant dreams have imagined when first we met". That much we already had an inkling about. But what startles most is the revelation that Edna had a brief affair with Frank Sinatra. "I already knew I was his type since he had been married to Mia Farrow and we have the same bone structure." Afterwards, a minder told Edna to pick up an envelope on the way out, Humphries reveals.

Cameron gets racy

BRITISH Prime Minister David Cameron has given an interview to The News of World, the country's highest-selling newspaper. Should anyone be surprised? Perhaps we should, for NoW is a racy Sunday paper not usually known for its political analysis. So we hopped on to the website to check on Cameron's pre-Tory conference -- that's the one Tony Abbott is attending this week, where he will receive deserved backslaps for his election performance -- remarks, only to find a story about Jordan [real name Katie Price] "at war" with former husband Aussie singer Peter Andre. Apparently there are "sex slurs" that will "rock showbiz" to the effect she is "sex mad". This yarn jostles for space with Jessica Alba's "got a body to thigh for" and "Becks [David Beckham] sent texts to sex slur wife". Eventually we found Cameron's interview in which he pledged to resolve the record deficit. "Let's put these cuts into perspective. Many businesses have had to make far greater reductions than us in one year." The nearest he got to an innuendo was: "We are going to lay bare the legacy that we have inherited."

Shear effort

SPLENDID news from New Zealand where Damien Boyle from Broomehill in Western Australia has upset top Kiwi guns by winning the Merino Open Championship in Alexandra in a six-man final. Runner-up was Kiwi shearer Grant Smith, who won the title in 2000 and 2004 and was recently made master shearer by Shearing Sports New Zealand. Boyle has twice been runner-up. Perhaps he's a St Kilda supporter, so take heart Saints fans; there's always next year.

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