Herald uninsert

GIVEN its urbane self-image, we can understand The Sydney Morning Herald taking a special pride in its association with the Sydney Writers Festival.

GIVEN its urbane self-image, we can understand The Sydney Morning Herald taking a special pride in its association with the Sydney Writers Festival.

And Saturday should have been a big day in the special relationship, what with festival tickets going on sale and the official printed program going out into the world, tucked lovingly into the 18kg of paper (approximate weight only) that constitutes the weekend Herald. Except someone forgot the crucial second part. As frustrated Sydney Writers Centre boss and SMH blogger Valerie Khoo tweeted, "Wow, have heard from more people who cannot find the Sydney Writers Festival insert in the Herald. Could they really have forgotten?" Whoever tweets for the festival was sufficiently tart in their reply: "Yes, they could . . . We are devastated, as you can imagine." What ensued was a frantic operation to distribute copies of the program to bookshops and libraries, and a press release creaking under the weight of its own restraint: "We are working closely with The SMH to promote the festival throughout the coming week. Despite the mistake, tickets are selling."

Crowe bait

STILL at the Herald, it was perhaps NSW opposition leader Barry O'Farrell who was the first to ask publicly the question that was on so many readers' lips: "Que? Why is Peter FitzSimons dressed like a pirate on Page 1 of SMH?" We actually thought he looked more like a scarlet ninja, appearing in his byline photo in a red top and a matching bandana, an oddly comic book look for the front page of the broadsheet. What made it all the more baffling was that it accompanied FitzSimons's story about Russell Crowe, which read like little more that the standard puff about an actor with a new movie to plug. Why Page 1? And why the wacky headgear? Cold day in the office? Guns 'n' Roses fan day? Tribute to Glenn A. Baker? At least FitzSimons wore a different bandana -- one in South Sydney colours -- for his front-page piece in the sports section, which was about a certain Kiwi-born actor. To wit: "But let's cut to the chase, Russell Crowe, as we sit on the balcony of your Woolloomooloo apartment, with the lights of the harbour twinkling to our right, and the soaring skyscrapers of the CBD right there in the palm of our hand in front of us." We can't help but wonder whether Fitz has ever read Jack Marx's Walkley award-winning piece about being sucked into the Crowe publicity machine. Ah, bugger it. Maybe he's on to something. We're going to lobby for the right to wear a fez.

Lowering the tome

WHY speak volumes when you can fling them instead? Just after the Shen Neng 1 grounded on the Great Barrier Reef last weekend, Queensland Premier Anna Bligh hoped the federal government would "throw the book at them". Yesterday she got her wish, when federal Transport Minister Anthony Albanese proclaimed "we'll be throwing the book at those responsible". But wait! Another ship seems to have transgressed on the Great Barrier Reef, and Kevin Rudd is limbering up: "If we have any foreign vessel or any vessel violating the proper protection of the Great Barrier Reef, they should have the book thrown at them." It's probably better than burning them.

Musical fluffs

MUSIC legend Dave Graney has been offering some helpful tips to music hacks: "Worst expressions in Australian media when talking about music #1 strutting their stuff #2 songstress #3 got a rock star's welcome #4 ac/dc #5 beatles #6 fine return to form #7 blues and roots #8 self indulgent." After a reflective pause, Graney added: "Oh I forgot: `classically trained' FYI that means they couldn't improvise a fart after a Mexican dinner."

Fit to be tied

IS it possible US pollies are studying attacks on Tony Abbott and amending them for their own purposes? Here's Republican Newt Gingrich at the Southern Republican Leadership Conference in New Orleans the other night (where, according to CBS News, he made a "rock star's entrance"; Graney won't like that), speaking on the topic of basketball-playing President Barack Obama: "What we need is a president, not an athlete." We're not sure if Gingrich, who looks as though he hasn't been overly troubled by physical exercise in recent years, is putting himself forward.

Hurly-burly

THE pun avalanche with which we reacted (mockingly and, ultimately, regrettably) to a government press release about a refugee boat "floundering" near Christmas Island (Strewth, Saturday) drew some energetic responses from readers, not least Lesley Carey: "I am afraid that it is a load of codswallop. The word flounder has two meanings, one is a fish and the other means `to struggle, to move with difficulty, as in mud' so appears to be a perfect description of what happened after the boat's engine failed. Two fish fingers to you, I think." Meanwhile, Paddy O'Reilly was disappointed we lowered the curtain after only a few lines: "Fin? Unlike you to scale back or clam up so quickly old chum when you could rise to the bait and be angling for another line to hook us with. There's a plaice for it and you should fillet. Some of us dyslexics would pay squid for you to continue." We're still debating whether to encourage O'Reilly or have him arrested.