Go to the sauce

DISTRACTED as we are by Zsa Zsa Gabor's parlous health, we were relieved when a reporter in Townsville brought things into focus.

DISTRACTED as we are by Zsa Zsa Gabor's parlous health, we were relieved when a reporter in Townsville brought things into focus.

She asked this question to Julia Gillard: "Do you think tomato sauce should be free when you buy a meat pie from the bakery?"

 (And remember, journos around Gillard have been drug-tested.) The PM responded: "I grew up in the days that the tomato sauce did come for free and it was put on out of the bottle at the bakery. I know in the modern age perhaps, I'm not sure, but perhaps for health and safety reasons we've moved to the plastic things you squeeze and you pay for. I guess it's better when the sauce comes for free." Tony Abbott's office is mulling its position; this could be the one that makes the difference.

Too late, Tony

ONE of Strewth's field agents received this plea from Tony Abbott yesterday: "I write to you as we enter the final two weeks of this federal election campaign." What's a week and nearly a half between friends? Abbott goes on to explain there are important messages the Coalition still needs to get out, but as it's never a cheap exercise, $500,000 needs to be pulled together in a hurry. Writes Abbott: "I hope you understand the urgency and importance of extra donations at this crucial time." Urgency? Our agent is stuck with an envelope ("no stamp required"!) in which to send dough; had they mailed it immediately (post haste, we think it's called), it may have lobbed today, not many hours before the electronic media advertising blackout kicks in. Abbott concludes: "As a former minister in the Howard government, I know what it takes to run an efficient and effective government." Still, a bit of leftover loot could come in handy for next time. Or they could spend it wisely on print ads in this august organ.

Yours insincerely

WHILE there's something touchingly retro about the Iron Monk's reliance on snail mail (boo to broadband), we're even more grabbed by the almost sepia-tinged correspondence between Liberal Party national campaign director Brian Loughnane and ALP national secretary Karl Bitar. The pair have been sharing their letters (Twitter-crazed kids, ask your parents) with a wider reading public as they debate a debate between their bosses. As their missives thud into our inbox with increasing frequency, tension and steaming malevolence, a bit like H. G. Wells's Martian cylinders, it's like one of those awkward family meals when mum and dad relay their frosty requests via the kids: "Ask your father if it would kill him to pass the salt"; "Ask your mother if it would make her happier if it did kill me." With Bitar's missives wounded and indignant ("If [Abbott's] changed his mind again and is scared of a debate on the economy he should just be honest enough to say so") and Loughnane's amusingly and callously deadpan ("Mr Abbott is pleased to note that Ms Gillard has also agreed to participate") , the star-crossed pair's correspondence has stirred in The Punch's Tory Maguire thoughts of Jane Austen characters. But we can feel an opera building.

Revolutionary vigil

WHEN pondering the various problems attached to Building the Education Revolution, we wonder: what would the Kremlin do? After all, we're talking about people with a more innate understanding a what goes into (a) building a revolution and (b) watching it go off the rails. Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has been so ticked off with building delays and wasted money in the program to rebuild homes destroyed in the country's fires, he's had webcams installed at all reconstruction sites and is monitoring them personally. Not surprisingly, as The Moscow Times reports, "most regions promise to meet Putin's November 1 deadline for construction."

Sheil keep trying

AS if it wasn't bad enough seeing serial Wentworth candidate and electoral kamikaze Pat Sheil gadding about on the internet clad in his dressing gown, he invaded our local Sydney boozer yesterday in what may have been a kimono. After soothing the Aurora's alarmed denizens, Sheil -- the man dismissed cavalierly by opponent Malcolm Turnbull as being without a chance -- spelled out the place his well-heeled target electorate has at the core of his philosophy: "What I want to encapsulate is the optimism, wealth and joy of Wentworth. If only Australia would follow our lead, it would be a much better place." And even if Sheil's campaign ends the traditional way -- in a blinding flash of inconsequence -- the man who puts the candid into candidate (and, arguably, the date) is upbeat: "2013. That'll be the big push."

Mary quite contrary

MEDIA braved the Hobart winter chill to get a glimpse of the visiting Crown Princess Mary at her sister's West Hobart home yesterday. Mary may once have been a fleecy-shirt-wearing girl next door, but these days Her Highness likes to keep to herself. But just to be on the safe side, journos were informed by Tasmania Police that they faced up to a year's jail if they took snaps of Mary or her family at home without their consent.

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