Don't mention it

LORD Monckton seems a handy sort of whipping boy, so maybe we can blame him for the recent bout of bad Nazi analogies.

LORD Monckton seems a handy sort of whipping boy, so maybe we can blame him for the recent bout of bad Nazi analogies.

Monckton appeared beside a swastika two weeks ago to liken climate change tsar Ross Garnaut to a Nazi. Monckton apologised, but too late to deflect the wrath of several German clubs across the country that have since banned him. But the comment of Loree Rudd, Kevin's sister, who talked to this newspaper yesterday about a "gay Gestapo", led to Sydney-based organisation Australian Marriage Equality to leap to the high moral ground and find a gay marriage advocate and Holocaust survivor to make a stand against creeping Nazism. But it's not all one way. On the ABC website The Drum yesterday, writer Geoff Lemon compared staff working at the Herald and Weekly Times in Melbourne to concentration camp guards. Lemon, who says he works in the building from time to time -- a situation that he said "makes me feel a bit like whorehouse linen" -- wrote that Herald and Weekly Times writers were "actively promoting harm for the sake of attracting an audience. Concentration camp guards are just doing their jobs, too." It's time to remember the wisdom of Basil Fawlty: Don't mention the war.

Price of a bite

ADELAIDE was famously described years ago as "a lovely little place to have lunch", and lunch with Liberal spokesman on education, apprenticeships and training Christopher Pyne on August 1 could be yours for only $1500 a head. The lunch is limited to 24 people, so those lucky (and prosperous) souls attending will have, according to the brochure, "an exclusive opportunity to discuss issues directly with Christopher". Given that Pyne took legal action after being called "the most annoying person in Australia", maybe if they dropped the condition that they had to actually talk to the Liberal frontbencher they'd get $2000 a head. But Pyne does seem to be sitting at the top of the lunch market in Adelaide. Earlier this year, Wayne Swan commanded $450 a head in Adelaide, while ALP backbencher Amanda Rishworth and parliamentary secretary for sustainability and and urban water Don Farrell were only $60 a head (That's right! Real prices! We won't be undercut!) at the My Yen Chinese Restaurant. Given that the Don is something of a kingmaker in the City of Churches, having helped roll Kevin Rudd while his support helps keep Mike Rann in power, paying $60 seems excellent value.

Spitting chips

EVERYTHING in Tasmanian politics seems to revolve around cutting things down to size, be they trees or politicians. Therefore when Gunns sold its Triabunna native forest woodchip export mill to Wotif.com founder Graeme Wood and his business partner Jan Cameron, the other tenderer, logger Ron O'Connor, was spitting chips, so to speak. When Cameron and Wood indicated they would seek an operator to run the mill for a few years until it closes to make way for tourism development, O'Connor was asked if he would be interested in taking on the job. He replied: "I'd rather chop my arm off." That's sound advice to anyone working in a woodchip mill, Ron.

Lost and found

AT issue yesterday in the people's assembly in Queensland was the fate of 16 car parking spaces that the Bligh government has somehow managed to lose in Brisbane. The government spent $2.6 million leasing 505 parking spaces in Brisbane's CBD, but when they went to count them in an audit last year they could only find 489 spaces. Liberal National Party transport spokesman Scott Emerson asked Queensland Transport director-general David Stewart if it was true: "That's 16 spaces that you were paying for, the Queensland taxpayer was paying for, but you couldn't locate?" Stewart assured the politicians that the matter had since been put right, but still couldn't quite explain where the missing car spaces were, or how they got lost.

Birthday surprises

AND many happy returns today to West Australian Premier Colin Barnett, who turns 61. We're sure he's immensely popular in his state, but yesterday morning ABC Kimberley asked listeners what should be included in a birthday card to the Premier, and five hours later the response was absolutely zero. Never mind, Premier, at least they didn't send you their worst (as opposed to best) wishes. Queensland Premier Anna Bligh turned 51 yesterday, and woke up to find her golden labrador Zeddy in labour. Zeddy gave birth to two girls in the morning, but the maternal novice was making heavy weather of puppy birth and was due to have a C-section late yesterday afternoon. Madame Bligh, whose birthday is Bastille Day, has promised French names for the entire litter.

Acid reminder

DERRYN Hinch hopes that he'll be out of hospital on the weekend after his successful liver transplant, but had a short operation yesterday to clear his blocked bile duct. We wish Derryn a speedy recovery and are cheered by knowing that bile is no longer building up inside him.