Cyber bromance

WITH the flirty affair between Tony Abbott and Julia Gillard fading to a sepia-tinged memory, we can console ourselves with another beautiful friendship.

WITH the flirty affair between Tony Abbott and Julia Gillard fading to little more than a wistful, sepia-tinged memory at which the silverfish now gnaw, we can console ourselves with the beginning of another beautiful friendship.

Blossoming like a love story spanning both sides of the tracks, opposition leader-in-waiting Malcolm Turnbull and Australian Workers Union national secretary Paul Howes have been sparking off each other in the most touching manner on Twitter, a cyber bromance founded on the sturdy trinity of public transport, the AWU and the word comrade. A now standard tweet from the Earl of Wentworth is "On my favourite bus -- the 389 to North Bondi" (don't fret for Mal; they've all got Mercedes symbols on them), which will prompt Howes to remind him that the very same bus could convey him to the AWU office: "If you get too disillusioned at Team Abbott you can always live out your childhood dream and join us here at the AWU", reads one overture. Another is, "I've got an AWU chambray and a bunch of membership forms waiting for you." Turnbull, for his part, has taken to addressing him as "Brother Howes", on the grounds that "I hope the union of William Guthrie Spence prefers brother to comrade." Howes replied, "You let your guard down, referring to W. G. Spence is the true sign of an AWU loyalist." There's no telling where this may end.

Surprise tactics

PERHAPS the recent noises about Julia Gillard's tight, risk-averse grip on her election campaign have been inspiring Tony "Barra Boy" Abbott. Yesterday in Mackay, he resorted to the time-worn tactic of fronting up to a press conference without having given the reporters travelling with him the faintest inkling of the topic. Fair enough, too; tipping off journos can lead to intelligent questions, and that won't do. While Abbott prepared to do his presser for the benefit of the cameras (and perform a reverse Jesus by becoming a men of fishers), The Australian asked his media staff for a copy of the press release in order to think about the issue and absorb the facts (true story!). Alas, no dice; there would be a grand total of nothing (or zip, if we may use a Ruddism) until after he'd opened his yap officially. Which, all in all, is somewhat droll coming from the man calling for more debate.

Who, me?

THE barra-gutting expedition did at least yield Strewth's favourite exchange of the day, between a hack and the Monk:

Journo: "Why are there senior Liberals briefing journalists about Julia Gillard's childless and unmarried state and that that might be a negative for her?"

Abbott: ". . . I think that people should be judged in this election on their policies and on their competence. They are the only considerations that should be at stake. Family status shouldn't be at stake. Gender shouldn't be at stake. It's simply the policies and the competence which are the issues in this campaign."

Journo: "So who is instructing the Liberal MP briefing journalists about that?"

Abbott: "I just want to make it absolutely crystal clear. That as far as I am concerned, the only issues in this campaign are the competing policies of the government and the Coalition, and the competing competence of the Prime Minister and her team, and me and my team."

Would someone kindly show Abbott what a crystal looks like?

Bomber on target

WITH so much time spent lately on reporting what Mark Latham has said and what Kevin Rudd hasn't, we thought we'd turn our attention briefly to another erstwhile Labor leader, Kim Beazley. The Bomber has been busy in Washington bestowing an Order of Australia on guitarist and philanthropist Tommy Emmanuel. "I am called Australia's ambassador to the US," Beazley declared factually during the ceremony, "but you are Australia's musical ambassador." "I'm one of them," Emmanuel offered, but Beazley was having no truck with such modesty: "We've got a few, but very few have risen to make the type of contribution you have."

Cryptic Crowe

IF only we'd followed through with our promised punt (Strewth, yesterday), we'd be a few brass razoos better off, for yes, Russell Crowe did prove to be the promised "Australian icon and international star to join the cast of Ben Hur: The Stadium Spectacular". Surrounded by trumpeters and actors togged up as ancient Romans, Crowe entered the harbourside press conference -- to what may be characterised as an utter lack of surprise -- half an hour late but to applause. Also, he was in a suit, which disappointed those who'd spotted him beforehand in a tracksuit and had clung to the hope he might bung a centurion's breastplate over the top. Crowe didn't muck about, launching proceedings with, "Any questions?" For the record, Crowe observed, "Obviously we've got this huge gladiatorial contest going on at the moment. Perhaps there's a role open for a pirate queen. I'm not sure if they've cast Pontius Pilate yet and whether that may change the course of history if a certain person gets that particular role. Anyway, we'll see how we go." We'll pop that into our election allusion basket.