Chris Bowen stops short of being ‘overly negative’

One of the joys of shadow treasurer Chris Bowen is his press conference demeanour.

Shadow Treasurer Chris Bowen in a thoughtful moment yesterday. Picture: AAP

One of the joys of shadow treasurer Chris Bowen is his press conference demeanour. As he talks about the government, his expression ranges from gravely disappointed to peeved to barely suppressed crossness, all working in perfect concert with a profile Bill Leak once likened to an ancient Greek battle helmet.

Chris Bowen.

Also Chris Bowen.

The words with which he clubbed his foes yesterday were suitably warlike. Among them: “backflip”, “humiliating”, “just all too hard”, “incapable”; “all at sea yet again; “no policy, no framework, no beliefs, no values, no certainty”. Then a brief dissertation on the PM: “His economic credibility hovers around zero. I mean, some people hate all wage increases and the Liberal Party hates all wage increases. Perhaps that’s why we’ve seen wages growth at record lows in Australia on their watch.” After all that came a conclusion delivered with — as you’d expect from Bowen of Contention — a perfectly straight face: “So Scott Morrison is his normal, typical negative self.” And for the grand finale, a sentence evidently designed to make us all wonder how big a mortar shell it was we’d all just missed: “I’m not going to be overly negative.”

Barnaby on their minds

After what Deputy PM Michael McCormack gamely described yesterday as “a lot of media hype”, Trade Minister Simon Birmingham was invited on ABC Radio Adelaide to send a message to Barnaby “Elected deputy PM” Joyce. Not for the first time, Birmo reached through a tear in the fabric of space to access a level of optimism not known to occur naturally in this dimension: “Well, I see he’s made very clear that he’s not challenging for the job. The National Party has a leader, it’s Michael McCormack, he’s doing a fine job and that’s the end of the story.” Almost as impressively, Greens senator Sarah Hanson-Young appeared to offer something akin to sympathy: “Don’t you just wish he’d go away though, Birmo? I mean, what a pain in the backside Barnaby Joyce has been for everyone, and now he’s out there making life difficult for you guys while spruiking coal as his big moment in the sun.” Back to Birmo: “Barnaby has always been someone who shoots from the hip. That’s of course part of the Australian democracy …”

The coal in hand

The discussion inevitably made it to when Morrison lugged a coal lump to question time. While talk of that resource-based vaudeville focuses on ScoMo, we should remember the support role played by a certain someone. A few lines from our Sketch then: “Once Morrison had been gently tut-tutted by Speaker Tony Smith, he entrusted the lump to Barnaby Joyce, who looked as thrilled as a kid who’d won a goldfish at a fair. Josh Frydenberg had a brief fondle of it; likewise Christian Porter. Yet their coal love seemed somehow wanting. Just as canines quickly sense the most genuine dog-person in the room, the lump soon returned to Joyce, who turned it over and over, staring into its darkness like the apes gathered around the monolith in 2001: A Space Odyssey.”

Current affair

While we’re talking energy, an announcement from the fine body that is the Senate. “SELECT COMMITTEE INTO FAIR DINKUM POWER,” it begins in capitals of suitably strident red, before settling down to remind us there’s something to look forward to: “Fair Dinkum Power PUBLIC HEARING Monday 18 March 2019 Macquarie Room NSW Parliament, Parliament House, Sydney.” And if you wish to get in touch with the committee secretariat, its email address stays true to the theme, beginning with “fairdinkumpower.sen”.

You’re (not) the voice

Rather hurtfully, our human bunker-buster of a colleague Ean Higgins has suggested that Strewth “commented on how appalling would be the idea of me recording an audio book for The Hunt for MH370 with my own voice”. This is a terrible misinterpretation of what we wrote. To wit: “More than anything, we hope Higgins — whose voice is a such a force of nature it would probably work in a vacuum — records an audio version.” Now that we’ve put that on the record, back to Higgins: “When my publisher, Ingrid Ohlsson, first raised the issue of an audio book, I said I’d be happy to record it myself, and that was where we left the matter. Well, I just got a delivery from Pan Macmillan and it’s a complete surprise: three copies of an audio book The Hunt for MH370, read by David Tredinnick. Looks like Ingrid must have seen Strewth, heard my voice, and decided to take direct action! A good result for all concerned, I’m sure.” Here endeth the plug. (Usual fee for this one, Ean. Leave the envelope under the second pot plant, ta.)

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