Chill wind

WHEN independent Northern Territory MP Alison Anderson came to Sydney this week to talk about the flaws in education and employment schemes in remote Aboriginal communities, it didn't seem unreasonable to expect it would be a bit light on for laughs.

WHEN independent Northern Territory MP Alison Anderson came to Sydney this week to talk about the flaws in education and employment schemes in remote Aboriginal communities, it didn't seem unreasonable to expect it would be a bit light on for laughs.

Yet, as she spoke at the Centre for Independent Studies with a combination of blunt truth and practicality, there were some moments of genuine comedy. Say, for example, Anderson's account of the Territory government's attempts to entice Aboriginal children into classrooms with treats in the form of free SMS credits and music downloads, sidestepping the minor detail that most of the children being targeted live in areas without mobile phone coverage or internet access. But the highest moment of mirth was just before the speech when someone brought over Keith Windschuttle to be introduced. Anderson radiated what may be characterised as diplomatic chill, if only for a moment. Perhaps we can trace it back to 2004, when Windschuttle added to his list of achievements by calling remote Aboriginal communities a failure and suggested their inhabitants be moved to mainstream towns. Then with the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Commission, Anderson was asked for her views on Windschuttle and she obliged thus: "I feel sorry for the poor bugger, I feel sorry that his mother gave birth to him."

Swearing in

AS Joe Hockey continues on his long metamorphosis from the Coalition's official Mr Nice Guy to Hard Bastard, we are pleased to see he now has one Alistair Campbell dealing with the fourth estate. Campbell is the very near namesake of Tony Blair's former spin doctor Alastair Campbell, who was for a long time the quintessential sweary hard bastard of British politics (as well as a bagpiper, but we're not sure that's related). So much so that he was one of the main inspirations for In the Loop's Malcolm Tucker, a fictional prime ministerial flack with a seriously creative line in pop-eyed profanity. For example: "He's as much use as a marzipan dildo." That's almost poetry. So perhaps we're projecting a little too much, and as far as we can tell the Campbell in Hockey's office has yet to show any signs of wanting to compare anyone with a confectionery-based marital aid, but hope springs eternal.

Beck and all

AT Strewth, we like to think we've got the drawing of long bows down pat, but after this effort from Fox News' Glenn Beck, we're going to have to pull our socks up. Here's Beck placing the US in a continuum of eastern European communist and post-communist states while sticking it to gazillionaire George Soros: "Along with currencies, Soros also collapses regimes . . . With his Open Society Fund Soros has helped fund the Velvet Revolution in the Czech Republic, the Orange Revolution in the Ukraine, the Rose Revolution in Georgia. He also helped to engineer coups in Slovakia, Croatia and Yugoslavia. So what is his target now? Us. America." Mr Beck, we bow to you.

A no brainer

WE see Gerard Henderson (or his dog Nancy) has been harrumphing again in his Media Watch Dog about advertising on the ABC (and fair enough; those ads about how Aunty's classical music compilations are nice to do the ironing to are almost enough to make us want to smash the TV and plant spinach in its gutted carcass). But among the targets he's/she's singled out is the Andrew Olle Lecture; we're fairly sure Hendo and Nancy will relax once they know the dough raised from ticket sales is going to brain cancer research.

Horses for courses

THERE was a certain inevitability about it, but yesterday Australian Sex Party president and Victorian election candidate Fiona Patten announced she'd scored the G spot on the ballot paper at yesterday's draw. Quoth she, "Although the G spot is not popular with donkey voters, I believe it's a winner with most people, who now like to review the whole field these days before ticking the box." We've yet to vote for a donkey, but have often wondered if it's akin to putting a horse in the senate; it worked for Caligula.

Fails to scrub up

A STREWTH agent who was using the internet to look up British prison Wormwood Scrubs (no, they don't know anyone in there; they were using the internet to cheat on their crossword, which is far worse) stumbled on its entry on Google Maps. Handily, someone there has penned an accommodation review: "The view from the room was poor and obscured by iron bars. Facilities were rudimentary to say the least - no television, mini bar or ensuite facilities. Due to overbooking I was forced to share with a rather charmless individual by the name of Mike the Hatchet who was keen to know why my stay was so short . . . The only plus point was that after checkout I discovered that reception had forgotten to charge me for my stay. Even though my stay was free, I'm afraid I cannot recommend this establishment." One star was awarded. This is followed by a small footnote declaring: "Two out of two people found this review helpful."