Budgies chill out

WHILE Julia Gillard was receiving advice from Brisbane's public, Tony Abbott was fielding questions in Melbourne about his budgie smugglers.

WHILE Julia Gillard was receiving unsolicited advice from members of Brisbane's general public about her lack of a mandate yesterday, Tony Abbott was fielding questions in Melbourne about his budgie smugglers.

And we thought Melbourne was sophisticated. MixFM presenters Brig and Lehmo postulated that Abbott's rising popularity was because he had ditched the smugglers, having realised they were somewhat unbecoming in a possible future prime minister. But Abbott cruelly cut short Brig and Lehmo's promising political theory. "It's winter," Abbott noted. Taking pity on the crestfallen duo, Abbott added: "I don't know whether people look forward to it, but they'll see me in them [in the summer]." But then Abbott made one of the greatest blunders of his career when he agreed that women are smarter than men. "My daughters are much smarter than I am." That'll be a welcome breather for Gillard, who can now quote Abbott on their comparative smarts. The only downside to that is that her angry Brisbane critics were women.

Planet Xenophon

THE federal member for the NSW south coast seat of Eden-Monaro, Mike Kelly, is facing political oblivion at the next election, so he's walking a particularly wobbly tightrope, despite support of the Greens. At a pro-pokie rally in Braidwood, Kelly said pubs and clubs are the social fabric of his electorate and he is fighting for their cause, which is to stop pre-commitment technology for pokies. But he won't cross the floor, he told the rally, which rather devalues his commitment to the cause. Clubs Australia chief Peter Newell promised to walk from Braidwood to Canberra (a stroll of about 100km) if someone could explain how giving gamblers a licence would fix problem gambling. "Andrew Wilkie and Nick Xenophon in their prohibitionist zeal don't care about wrecking our clubs." Adding a touch of vim was Graham Reeve from Narooma Sporting Services Club who said: "Nick should spend time with the Scientologists, at least they're from the same planet."

Katter goes batty

BOB Katter's new political party, the Australian Party (established on June 5 amid scenes of joy and deliverance), has developed a glossy new policy: kill all flying foxes in built-up areas to stop the spread of the Hendra virus. Perhaps dreaming of re-commissioning his ornamental rifle, Katter says his party "will remove all flying foxes from populated areas. Whether we shoot them, or what we have to do, that is a decision for the future." Katter has some form in this type of policy initiative. In July 2007 he said all north Queensland residents should be armed with high-calibre weapons to protect themselves from crocodiles, which were in plague numbers. "This is unprecedented in human history. They are knocking [ecosystems] out of gear . . . And when you get them in those numbers, they are eating barra that have never been eaten before." People should be armed, Katter insisted. "Should we have our kids eaten because of a decision by some absolute imbecilic public servant who's never been off the bitumen in Brisbane?" Back on the ground, Queensland chief biosecurity officer Rick Symons said a cull could worsen the Hendra threat by encouraging bats to disperse and become someone else's problem.

WA still with us

FOR the umpteenth time in federation history, a West Australian politician has suggested the state might secede. Norman Moore, government leader in the upper house and a loyal Sandgroper told Ten Network news presenter George Negus on Tuesday night the federation is broken. "We should try and fix up the federation and in the event the federation can't be fixed, and I suspect it can't be, then states like WA should give some thought to going it alone." But Premier Colin Barnett put Moore back in his box with a compliment yesterday. "Norman Moore is a very good Mines Minister, however, he has over many years argued the case for WA seceding. Can I make it absolutely clear as Premier, Western Australia has no plan and no intention of ever seceding from Australia." Think about what would happen if WA seceded: the eastern states would need foreign aid from the west.

Jeans memories

MOVING tributes to Allan Jeans filled the airwaves, YouTube and Twitter yesterday (and see our sports pages today). Jeans's coaching record at St Kilda and Hawthorn was up there with the likes of Ron Barassi and Kevin Sheedy and David Parkin with four coaching premierships each. It was his time at Hawthorn that stamped his greatness. So it was with extra interest that we listened to an emotional Robert DiPierdomenico on 3AW who described his respect for the bloke who told Dipper during the 1989 grand final against Geelong that he wasn't pulling his weight. Dipper had earlier been crunched by Gary Ablett Sr. It later emerged that Dipper played on with broken ribs and a punctured lung. He collapsed after the game and was taken to hospital where he spent several days recovering. Jeans visited to apologise for suggesting Dipper had been malingering on the wing.