Bird in the hand

SOMETIMES Strewth thinks back to the days when Tony Abbott's nether regions didn't have such a starring role on the public stage.

SOMETIMES Strewth thinks back to the days when Tony Abbott's nether regions didn't have such a starring role on the public stage: before the budgie smugglers, before the faux love child, before yesterday's chitchat about the adventures of the Monk's little trouser bishop.

It was a happy time, wasn't it? (Pause for brief reverie.) Still, there's no point trying to live in the past, even less in trying to stem the tidal wave of overshares from the man we may one day come to think of fondly as the Jolly Rogerer. And besides, there are positives, or at least there are for the computers with the job of generating appropriate ads to appear next to stories on newspaper websites. And so it was yesterday on the site of The Examiner, the Launceston paper to which Tony spilled the beans. Perched next to the item was a jaunty ad with the messages

"How fast is your sperm?" and "Breast is best".

Stellar speaker

ONCE in a while Strewth wonders if it's time to perhaps grow up a little and stop making gratuitous sci-fi references. But, after High Court Chief Justice Robert French's delivery of the inaugural George Winterton Lecture to the Sydney Law School the other night, we reckon we'll just carry on. Take it away, your worship: "On March 3, 1999, an episode of the Star Trek series Deep Space Nine was broadcast under the title `Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges'. The Latin words were used by Starfleet vice-admiral William Ross to justify a covert executive operation in breach of the laws of the Federation. His interlocutor and critic, Deep Space Nine Medical Officer Dr Julian Bashir, responded: `In time of war, the laws fall silent: Cicero. So is that what we have become; a 24th-century Rome, driven by nothing other than the certainty that Caesar can do no wrong?' " Latin legalisms from Star Trek: our world is almost complete.

Stellar streaker

LET us now proceed from Star Trek to the cosmic grandeur of Bob Katter. As mentioned yesterday, the north Queensland MP is something of a Strewth favourite. And his response to us yesterday -- in the wake of our item about his punctuality-challenged state -- has only cemented his status and really must be quoted in full; to break this up would be like smashing a Ming vase: "Bob Katter was only invited to the roundtable itself, held in the Civic Centre at 3.30pm. But the local of all locals, informed by his special spy network of the roadside launch, immediately ceased his research into how to increase the speed of Queensland State of Origin's outside backs using ethanol, while also brokering a peace deal between Barnaby Joyce, Tony Abbott and Germaine; scooped up his ringer's hat, jumped upon his trusty steed and broke through the billowing bulldust -- without breaking the speed limit? -- to invite himself to speak at the function. Jumping back on his horse, Bob left the Isa and galloped another 600km, arriving just in time to be late for another pet project -- the sealing of the Karumba airstrip -- where he was greeted with cheers and flashing cameras and proceeded with his own display of enthusiasm by jumping up and down on the new tarmac, hat in the air, shouting `yee-ha!' Grand entrances -- master of the game!" In Bob we trust, amen.

Bright spot of bother

NOT counting Katter, there are few things more entertaining than seeing a television network get on its high horse, and so it was yesterday when Nine had a spit about Foxtel's claim that Nine had buggered up its coverage of Torah Bright's medal ceremony, namely by cutting to an ad. As Nine huffed with commendable indignation, "the event referred to was in fact a flower presentation ceremony". Nine went on: "Foxtel CEO Kim Williams has subsequently apologised to Nine CEO David Gyngell regarding the contents of the release, which Mr Williams described as `disgusting', along with an undertaking that such behaviour will not be repeated." Phew; now everyone's friends again in time for the weekend, free to contemplate just how tremendously good Bright was.

Watered down

WHEN northern NSW was flooding, one of Strewth's colleagues emailed a question to Premier Kristina Keneally's office. She answered that day and it was duly published. But that wasn't the end of it, as the question continued on a journey of its own, sucked into the glacial machinery of state until finally, just over a month later, this desiccated husk of a non-response landed without ceremony in our colleague's inbox: "I write in response to your recent email to the Premier concerning rainfall across northern NSW. As the matter you have raised concerns the administration of the Minister for Water, and Minister for Corrective Services, the Hon P. J. Costa, MP, your email has been forwarded to the minister for attention. You may be sure that your email will receive close consideration."

Passionate fling

THE music of Gustav Mahler is a full experience in itself (just ask Paul Keating), but Vladimir Ashkenazy added to the thrill that crucial little bit more the other night at the Sydney Opera House. Getting thoroughly worked up while conducting Mahler's Eighth, he managed in the heat of the moment to knock his glasses off his face and on to the stage. He admitted afterwards that things got a bit difficult for a few bars.