Ball bidding

BY now it's possible we're busy raking over the sudden staff movements precipitated, in the time-honoured fashion, by last night's federal parliamentary press gallery Midwinter Ball.

BY now it's possible we're busy raking over the sudden staff movements precipitated, in the time-honoured fashion, by last night's federal parliamentary press gallery Midwinter Ball.

Either that or puzzling at its deficit of scandal. Yesterday, though, we were paying attention to the final hours of the ball's charity auction. While some on Twitter debated the merits of bidding on dinner with Julia Gillard, John Alexander piped up to ask, "Wouldn't you would prefer a tennis lesson and lunch with Tony [Abbott] and me?" In the end, the answer was no: Alexander and Abbott attracted a final bid of $13,600, impressive but dwarfed by the $31,100 someone stumped up to chow down with the PM. A night at the footy with Wayne Swan went for $3000, while the brekky and stroll with Bob Brown pulled $3150. As for the chance to break bread with Bob Katter, Tony Windsor and Rob Oakeshott, that shot from a shade over two grand on Tuesday to hit $12,100. The quilt fetched $680.

Bronwyn punts Ellis

SPEAKER Harry Jenkins was wearing his this-hurts-me-more-than-it-hurts you expression as he ejected MP after MP during question time yesterday, not least self-described "serial offender" Christopher Pyne. Given that bodies are carbon-based, we figure this makes Jenkins the biggest emitter in parliament. (Yes, we are licensed to use that line.) Unlike Tuesday, however, there was no Bob Ellis to punt from the press gallery. Ellis shares his account of the moment with Strewth: "After a heady encounter with the Dalai Lama, my wife and I blundered into the unpoliced press gallery and sat down, unaccredited and vigilant. Tony Abbott nodded at us genially [that Goodbye Jerusalem business must be water under the bridge], but Bronwyn Bishop soon became incensed and someone in security had us evicted. We had both stood against her with ruinous effect in the last century and she was, I think, still festering. We were then escorted to the marble foyer and, in two adjacent wheelchairs, watched question time on television." Which has to be better than donning a tie.

Karl's gag goes viral

AS enjoyable as it was seeing brave Karl Stefanovic's Dalai Lama gag dying a thousand deaths on the subject's face the other day, it's even better seeing the clip being celebrated in the US on sites such as Gawker and the Huffington Post; it can only be a matter of time before they stumble upon more Stefanovic treasure, such as his extra festive appearance on TV the morning after a big one at the Logies. Stefanovic is pressing unflappably on, tweeting, "Thanks for all the carve-ups on the Dalai gag. Mr Lama will hopefully be inviting me over to his pad in north India to smoke the peace pipe." To which someone helpfully replied, "If he was a native American Indian perhaps."

Emmo's valve radio

AS so many of you have demonstrated an interest, you'll be pleased to know that Craig Emerson wielded the poofle valve once more during his weekly on-air chat with Liberal senator George Brandis and ABC612 host Madonna King. Peace came in the end with the help of the State of Origin, with Emmo tipping Queensland "but fasten your seatbelts because it's going to be a real close one". To which Brandis offered his unqualified agreement: "I think Craig is a pretty good football commentator, I might say, so I'm prepared to adopt his predictions."

Go, Harvey, go

ON Monday, when much of the nation was bludging in honour of our far-flung-but-surely-here-in-spirit Queen, Gerry Harvey was multi-tasking. As well as being interviewed by this august organ about retailing, Harvey has his eye on the nags, suspending the interview twice to focus on horse races. Indeed, the stud owner and breeder was $60,000 wealthier by the end of the phone interview thanks to a runaway win by his hayburner Absalon. Harvey said he had made about $100,000 for the day, which one imagines would buy rather a lot online.

Naked ambitions

THERE are many reasons to be grateful for Gerard Henderson, not least his ability to bring out the best in people. For example, all it took was a line from Hendo on his eponymous Media Watch Dog about long-lapsed Labor leader Doc Evatt being seen naked on a number of occasions by fellow Laborite Clyde Cameron to elicit this flight of majesty from Mark Latham in Crikey. Before proceeding, just bear in mind that some things once seen cannot be unseen: "Let me confess, I was often naked in front of Swannie and Smithie. The Roosters joined me for nudie runs through the Canberra night, juiced up by cleansing ales in Kingston. We were, after all, moving in the legendary footsteps of Doc and Clydie. So too, Hawkie was always striding around in the nick. John Brown spent a lot of time naked on his parliamentary desk. Jim Cairns even established a nudist colony for the caucus to visit. This is one of the most daring and enduring of Labor traditions." There, that fills Strewth, so we'll have to skip making any mention whatsoever of Kim Duthie or Ricky Nixon.