ABC kid gloves

WE have noticed, from time to time, a tendency to accuse the ABC of being soft on Labor and, when it comes down to it, soft on the causes of Labor. But an outsider sees things with a fresh eye.

WE have noticed, from time to time, a tendency to accuse the ABC of being soft on Labor and, when it comes down to it, soft on the causes of Labor. But an outsider sees things with a fresh eye.

Take Ali Moore's fascinating interview on Wednesday night's Lateline with Akbar Ahmed, a former Pakistani high commissioner to Britain, who also happened to have worked in Abbottabad. Before going on air, he'd clearly been watching Moore's robust chat with Kevin Rudd (sample moments: "Let me go back to that question that I asked you", and " Let me perhaps phrase the question in a different way"), for at the end of the tete-a-tete, he said with a gentle smile, "Thank you and thank you for not giving me as tough a time as you gave the Foreign Minister, thank you."

Bowlo terror cell

FOLLOWING the SEALing of Osama bin Laden's fate (sorry), there were whispers yesterday that a school in southwest Sydney was flying its flag at half-mast. After careful investigation, it became apparent the only flag at half-mast was at the nearby bowlo, possibly a lingering lest-we-forget gesture from Anzac Day. Either that or al-Qa'ida is really branching out. In an equally sensible bin Laden development, Washington state teacher Gary Weddle has finally lopped off the beard that resulted from his decision to stop shaving after September 11, 2001. As the wires soberly reported: "He decided to keep the beard so people wouldn't forget about the tragic events of that day."

Drowning in puns

THE quest for the perfect phrase can be a tough one, littered with false hope and booby traps. Still, nothing ventured and all that, a position we imagine is firmly held by Queensland Premier Anna Bligh and her Finance and the Arts Minister Rachel Nolan, who put out a press release yesterday beginning: "Queensland Museum is calling for donations of items to create a lasting legacy of Queensland's devastating floods leading up to a special exhibition planned for early next year." The perfect phrase, of course, would have to be in the headline, the first port of call for a reader. Here's what they came up with: "Memories come flooding back to create a lasting legacy." So, er, how do you think they went?

Counting on Ian

IT seems one only has to be on the same page as Barnaby Joyce to develop a certain je ne sais Joyce. Take Senator Ian Macdonald, enthusing in a joint press release yesterday about the Coalition's quest to break the nation's "dam phobia". Quoth he: "Dams have become one of those four-letter words we dare not speak." Shows promise.

Sony is watching you

A COLLEAGUE has just bought a snappy new set of Sony DR-V150 headphones, emblazoned with the legend "made for iPhone". These have an in-line volume control and a pause button, so no more jiggling about uncomfortably in the trouser pocket for attenuation (yes, that is how he phrased it, so don't blame us). However, while the thing would turn up and pause adequately, it made a hash of turning down the volume. Irritated, and fearful for his already patchy hearing, he pressed the down button repeatedly, to no avail. Without a word of warning, the music stopped and the iPhone emitted two uncharacteristic beeps. It had rung Apple in the US, presumably to complain of maltreatment at the hands of an Australian journalist. "Unfortunately, the number you have called is not available from your current location," intoned a robotic voice. While some would take comfort from the knowledge an Apple product ensures you'll never walk alone, our colleague is a little rattled. And no, he's not paranoid - he knows they're after him.

Poets' corner

AS we were in a merciful mood, we only reproduced a few lines of James Abbott's poem about Abbottabad yesterday. Strewth readers were of course happy to take up the challenge and improve on Abbott's work. Here's Russell Grenning: "General Sir James Abbott / Had gotten into the habit / Of defending his Queen / Against enemies unseen / Of the Islamic persuasion on many an occasion / And that spirit inspired his clan / Even Hon Tony who with elan / Stoutly defended his Queen (who he said was no has-been) / But will young Tony get the reward / After putting her foes to the sword / Of having a whole town named after him? / Any denial would be such a sin!" Patricia Weston, meanwhile, has Abbott The Bad appearing to the PM in a dream: "Oh Gillard The Good, I acknowledge you now / To your natural talent do I bow / You and your Windsor friend have the country's ear / My gift to you is two more years / I know you'll go well if I, on my part / Never again on the national stage play the media tart." Paddy O'Reilly got closest to the original, but without repeating the heart-thwart rhyme fiasco: "Oh Abbottabad we are leaving you now / The Navy SEALs advised me to bid you 'ciao' / The sound of the helos' blades reaching my ears / Put me in mind of those virgin rears / I bid you farewell with a heavy heart / (but lighter head), the fatal discharge as gentle as a butterfly fart."