Abbott by a mile

AS pleased as we are to bask in the glow of Newspoll's glory, Strewth would like to beg your indulgence for but a few moments and draw your attention to the other poll that counts: the federal parliamentary press gallery Midwinter Ball pollie auction on eBay.

AS pleased as we are to bask in the glow of Newspoll's glory, Strewth would like to beg your indulgence for but a few moments and draw your attention to the other poll that counts: the federal parliamentary press gallery Midwinter Ball pollie auction on eBay.

As mentioned in this column last week, Kevin Rudd, Tony Abbott, Julia Gillard and Bob Brown have done their honourable duty and offered themselves up for the ball's annual auction; not only does this mean they help rake in mountains of dough for charity, they also appear on eBay with the little "free postage and handling" logo next to their mugs. You (and your mates) can have dinner with Kev, or go bowling with the PM and Wayne Swan; you can get a feed or a surfing lesson with Tony Abbott; you get the gist. With this year's auction due to close at 5pm tomorrow, let's glance back at last year's results. The still untouchable Rudd creamed it comprehensively, the winning bidders plopping down close to $22,000 in the final, frenzied hours of bidding for the chance to sup with the PM. Gillard pulled in more than $15,000, and the then opposition leader, Malcolm Turnbull (there's another mention for Media Monitors, Mal!), scraped in with the bronze medal and $11,200. So how's it looking this shake of the sauce bottle? By last night, Rudd was sitting on $5400, just a couple of hundred bucks ahead of his deputy, who is in turn just $200 ahead of Brown and his Greens lieutenants, who are offering dinner and an "extraordinary insight into the core beliefs of the party". Which leaves the Iron Monk well out in front, wet suit or menu at the ready, on $6100.

Let me say this . . .

2UE'S Tim Webster seemed to be taking something of a jazz approach yesterday during his interview with Swan, asking the same question over and over but with slight variations thrown in. Here's version 1.0: "Now, simple question requiring yes or no. Will Kevin Rudd lead the Labor Party to the next election?" While we'd normally be tempted to deduct points from Swan for failing to use yes or no as per the serving suggestion, we'll let him off for this answer: "Too right he will. Absolutely." Webster then asked some other questions, presumably to put Swan off guard, before charging back in with a Julia-for-PM question. "Baseless speculation," said Swan. Not easily deterred, Webster returned to his original recipe ("And Kevin Rudd will lead you to the next election?"), as did Swan ("Too right he will"). Just when it seemed neither man would blink, Webster had one more crack at escalation ("Would [Gillard] make a good prime minister?"), then threw in the towel with a half-hearted "No change at the top?"

Sleeping bliss

JUST as well you had Graeme Leech on yesterday as the Strewth duty officer; he may be an AFL man, but at least he's had a stab at watching the World Cup, unlike your regular host, who slept through in a state of blissful ignorance. It wasn't always thus; we were sucked into the World Cup vortex in 2002 when we were domiciled in Moscow and it appeared to be illegal not to watch it. To this end, the authorities had erected a number of very large television screens across the city where the masses were able to suck beer to their hearts' content and cheer on their team. Alas, things didn't go well in the early games and the resulting riots forced the city council to take drastic action, namely reducing the number of jumbo screens by one and banning the sale of beer in glass bottles. Denied such compelling reasons to watch, Strewth has spared itself the agony of being an Australian soccer fan, waking yesterday at a leisurely hour with the warm and fuzzy thought that Germany had actually won something. While we're here, a salute to our friends at The Punch, who marked the result in the best possible way, uniting the German language, the goal count and Hunter S. Thompson in one magically unholy trinity: "Eins, zwei, drei, vier and loathing for the Shockeroos".

Round and round

FOR those of you who aren't ready to turn your backs on the beautiful game altogether, fuming angrily that a round ball will not into an oval-shaped country go, there's good news: federal pollies including Stephen Conroy, Mark Arbib, Steve Fielding (gods be praised) and Belinda Neal (gods be praised even harder) will be stoically ignoring Canberra's near-Antarctic conditions today and facing off on the pitch against Football United Australia's representative team for the Football for Hope Festival in South Africa. The plan is to draw attention to 1Goal, billed as a global call for attacking poverty through better education. If Fielding wears his bottle suit, we'll run a photo and publicise this some more. www.join1goal.org.

Doubling up

EVER mindful of the strains on the public purse, Strewth recommends that the army's glossy new recruitment posters eventually get shared with other public bodies. Say, for example, the one that features a fresh-faced soldier declaring, "I wanted to be part of something that was bigger than me"; state transport authorities across the nation will be able to use the same slogan next time they're recruiting bus drivers.