A picnic for some

FOLLOWING Julia Gillard's marathon 1.5-hour press conference on the woes besetting the Building the Education Revolution, Barnaby Joyce- who is of the belief "this thing's got more episodes than Blue Hills" - was keen to paraphrase for Strewth a letter from a school principal in the NSW north coast town of Port Macquarie, who was concerned about the rip-offs.

FOLLOWING Julia Gillard's marathon 1.5-hour press conference on the woes besetting the Building the Education Revolution, Barnaby Joyce- who is of the belief "this thing's got more episodes than Blue Hills" - was keen to paraphrase for Strewth a letter from a school principal in the NSW north coast town of Port Macquarie, who was concerned about the rip-offs.

"One school's been given a tiny square of tarmac and a structure to cover a picnic table and it's been charged $250,000," Joyce said. "The contractors in charge originally flew up to Port Macquarie and stayed at the Rydges resort. Then there's a bunch of congratulatory remarks to me. Oh, look, it says, `Barnaby, you have a unique way of talking.' Well, I wished my colleagues thought so." We were under the impression they did.

Watered-down spin

WHILE reading our colleague Ashleigh Wilson's story yesterday about how pianist and composer Geoffrey Tozer hampered himself with excessive modesty, we began to fret Penny Wong was starting down the same path. The federal Water Minister begins a tour of the Murray-Darling basin today, which would be reasonably big even without the added spice of her starting point: southern Queensland's St George, which as well as being just up the road from Cubbie Station is also home to her shadow, opposition H2O spokesman Barnaby Joyce. Wong will attend a forum organised by a local irrigators' group called Smartrivers, whose spokeswoman happens to be called Amanda Waterman. All this and not a peep out of Wong's office: no press release, no pre-spin. Was Wong Tozer-ing her light away under a bushel? Or perhaps she was confident it was common knowledge, given Joyce described it to Strewth as "a highly confidential meeting that everyone, including my neighbour's cat, knew about". Then finally, just as the birds outside Strewth's window were settling in their roosts (what is the opposite of the sparrow's fart?), a small release lobbed. Given it landed at nearly bang on 5pm and remained coy about the meeting, Wong wasn't exactly shouting from the rooftops, but it was a start.

All in good time

SOMEONE who has been publicising his every movement is the pedal-pushing Tony Abbott (Does the bicycle thing make him the opposition spokes man? Discuss), but that doesn't mean he's ready to be open about everything else. Take this exchange yesterday during a pause in the Iron Monk's Pollie Pedal adventure:

Journo: "You appointed a border protection committee around February 12, 13, or so, pretty high-powered: Philip Ruddock, Julie Bishop [are] on it. Is it about time that they reported with a policy?"

Abbott: "We will have a comprehensive policy on this in good time before the next election."

Journo: "But not now when the debate is on?"

Abbott: "Not today. But we will have a comprehensive policy on this as we will on all the major matters before the Australian public in good time before the next election." Perhaps "good time" is what you can have on Thursday at Sydney's St James Church, where Ruddock will "address Australia's future needs and ask what are the challenges for the future, what are the aspirations of its citizens and how do we meet our humanitarian obligations towards good international citizens". True story.

Thumb-tied

NICE to see injured former Crikey editor Jonathan Green taking seriously his duties at the ABC, tweeting: "Typing with no right thumb is harder than you'd think . . . might have to break my left thumb now for appropriate ABC balance."

The sweetest victory

TASMANIA continues to show the way forward with its adventures in democracy. While it could be eight weeks before there's a result in the state's lower house, in the upper house seat of Apsley it couldn't have been any quicker. There wasn't even a need to hold a vote, since nobody - we repeat, nobody - could be bothered getting nominated to take on the incumbent, independent MLC Tania Rattray-Wagner. The main parties often don't bother having a pop at the upper house when there is a popular independent in place; the Greens sometimes do but they're preoccupied trying to get a ministry in the (sort of) re-elected Bartlett government. As a result, Rattray-Wagner has scored another six years without facing the polls. Understandably, Rattray-Wagner described this as a "heart-warming and humbling" experience when Strewth caught up with her yesterday, telling us she believed it was a case of the electorate feeling it had been well represented by her, rather than a case of everyone being over politics. And she was ready to celebrate: "I've got a bottle of wine in the fridge."

Eau de fruit bat

IN a short piece about how to have a rip-roaring weekend in Sydney, The New York Times has recommended "the spiffy Museum of Sydney, faintly perfumed by the Royal Botanic Gardens". We can't be absolutely certain about this, but after some painstaking olfactory research of our own, we believe this may be code for: "When the wind is blowing in the right direction, you can almost smell the fruit bats from here."